bachdude Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 (edited) Sounds like your ok with these types of open boundaries. So your cool with your man suddenly networking and talking pictures with his ex gf who is a model and your not to bat an eye... or is this a factor of double standards because women are nostalgic and won't have sexual intentions. Hahaha.. women quickly find another guy quickly after breakups is like the norm in many threads. So tired of these "women are not sexual creature like comments" You know the problem with this scenario is... The bf is at a stalemate. If he reacts to this situation in anyway, he will look jealous. If he does nothing she may feel it's ok to hang out with her ex.. which puts him in a grid lock. She may feel he is a push over. The real answer to this situation is she should have told the EX no and respected her boyfriend feelings. And don't you know that women have a corner on the market when it comes to purity of heart and noble intentions. Men, on the other hand, because they are run by their baser instincts, are to be suspect regarding their intentions when communicating with exs. Edited December 2, 2016 by bachdude 1
Samhain Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I don't think it's gender specific at all. Someone having secret conversations with their ex partner, male or female, behind their current partners back is shady. Maybe if she'd told the OP beforehand she was going to do it, or directly after, or invited him to see the conversation, some of the "males think differently to females" posts might hold some water. But deceptive behaviour is deceptive behaviour. If you're unhappy with your life you should be confiding in your partner not your ex. If I were you OP I'd walk away and let her do as she wishes with whoever. Rather than wait around for her to do something that will make you feel even more of a fool. You know something isn't right and you know her behaviour is shady, so don't let her continue making you feel uncomfortable. My guess is the only reason the conversation didn't turn even more inappropriate is because her ex doesn't seem overly receptive. But his behaviour is irrelevant, your girlfriends is.
gorf Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Ok, I'll try to stand up for myself and confront her about it. The only thing I don't quite get is what I did wrong??? Also, when I saw those texts I realized that was how WE texted once. Now all I get is meh responses, while she was texting him intensively nonstop for two hours and even joking and all that. You arent romancing her enough. She feels like the spark is gone. You aren't flirting with her like you did or talking to her like you did when you met her. You got lazy and complacient.. in one way or another. Thats why she is getting it elsewhere. She wants to feel wanted desired and admired. This guy is giving it to her. You need to be the one to stick your chest out and chin up and give it to her. You need to be the one. She wants you. She is probably feeling very conflicted and 'not good' about all this, but you are not who she met. Romance the woman some more, show her you want her. Give her more attention so she wont have to get it from some other past looser that she knows didnt work out but is back to contacting in desperation to feel needed. Show her you need her, buy her flowers, sweep her off her feet. Ya know. Thats whats going on here 1
ilovemefirst Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Tell her what you saw, even if it means shes upset that you read her messages. From what it looks like, her intentions were to become close to him again..perhaps platonic or not. But whatever it is, its deceitful and if she was not hiding anything, she would have communicated this to you by now. If you feel shes distancing, its time to give her some space and yourself some time to focus on you. You are putting too much focus on her, and you are obsessing over this , rather than talking to her about this. Your instincts are usually right, and i suggest following your heart on what you need to do here. We are only here to help, but truthfully, only you know the answer deep down.
Snow_Queen Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 You arent romancing her enough. She feels like the spark is gone. You aren't flirting with her like you did or talking to her like you did when you met her. You got lazy and complacient.. in one way or another. Thats why she is getting it elsewhere. She wants to feel wanted desired and admired. This guy is giving it to her. You need to be the one to stick your chest out and chin up and give it to her. You need to be the one. She wants you. She is probably feeling very conflicted and 'not good' about all this, but you are not who she met. Romance the woman some more, show her you want her. Give her more attention so she wont have to get it from some other past looser that she knows didnt work out but is back to contacting in desperation to feel needed. Show her you need her, buy her flowers, sweep her off her feet. Ya know. Thats whats going on here If that is the case, his gf is solely responsible for expressing her concerns to him. Acting out in this way is not acceptable. Don't blame the OP for her actions. When you're in a relationship with someone, you communicate when something is wrong. If they continue to ignore you, then you end the relationship and move on. You don't look for what's lacking outside a relationship, you end it. Plain and simple. 1
Calmandfocused Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I disagree with the poster(s) who suggested this may be innocent. Let's look at the facts: 1) she is actively trying to see him. Not the other way round. 2) She is actively trying to communicate with him. Not the other way round. What you need to be looking at is her intent. Why would she do this? The answer: she wants to remain linked to her ex, meaning she still has an attachment to him. She can't help how she feels but being disrespectful to you isn't ok. A little story for you: I had a very close male friend before I got married. I loved him very much ( not romantically). In the end I was confused whether my feelings for him were romantic or not. So what did I do? I cut all contact with him after meeting my husband. Why? Because I felt it would be disrespectful to my husband to be close to another man that I felt strongly for. I'm now getting divorced but I still believe it was the right decision at the time. Your girlfriend isn't showing you the same respect. I would therefore be questioning how invested she is in her relationship with you.
kendahke Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I don't know what to do. If I tell her about it I'm screwed, if I do nothing I'm afraid she'll dump me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong! If right is so on your side, you should fear nothing. Why are you afraid of being dumped? Is she the best you can do? Someone who wants their ex and isn't happy with you? What you're doing wrong is trying to force a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Fix that.
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 You arent romancing her enough. She feels like the spark is gone. You aren't flirting with her like you did or talking to her like you did when you met her. You got lazy and complacient.. in one way or another. Thats why she is getting it elsewhere. She wants to feel wanted desired and admired. This guy is giving it to her. You need to be the one to stick your chest out and chin up and give it to her. You need to be the one. She wants you. She is probably feeling very conflicted and 'not good' about all this, but you are not who she met. Romance the woman some more, show her you want her. Give her more attention so she wont have to get it from some other past looser that she knows didnt work out but is back to contacting in desperation to feel needed. Show her you need her, buy her flowers, sweep her off her feet. Ya know. Thats whats going on here Actually, I think I've been too romantic if that makes any sense? I'm always good to her, I do anything she wants and I think I'm a good bf to her. It's now gotten to the point where she's gone for the weekend to visit one of her friends and I'm paranoid that she's actually meeting up with him... 1
MarkIVSteel Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 You arent romancing her enough. She feels like the spark is gone. You aren't flirting with her like you did or talking to her like you did when you met her. You got lazy and complacient.. in one way or another. Thats why she is getting it elsewhere. She wants to feel wanted desired and admired. This guy is giving it to her. You need to be the one to stick your chest out and chin up and give it to her. You need to be the one. She wants you. She is probably feeling very conflicted and 'not good' about all this, but you are not who she met. Romance the woman some more, show her you want her. Give her more attention so she wont have to get it from some other past looser that she knows didnt work out but is back to contacting in desperation to feel needed. Show her you need her, buy her flowers, sweep her off her feet. Ya know. Thats whats going on here Do this and you will completely seal your fate. 2
MarkIVSteel Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Actually, I think I've been too romantic if that makes any sense? I'm always good to her, I do anything she wants and I think I'm a good bf to her. It's now gotten to the point where she's gone for the weekend to visit one of her friends and I'm paranoid that she's actually meeting up with him... Yeah, she's definitely having sex with him.
Poutrew Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Actually, I think I've been too romantic if that makes any sense? I'm always good to her, I do anything she wants and I think I'm a good bf to her. It's now gotten to the point where she's gone for the weekend to visit one of her friends and I'm paranoid that she's actually meeting up with him... Eddie, is this where you really want to be? A relationship should be fun, and just plain feel good, both physically and spiritually. You literally sound like this girl has twisted you up into a tight, constipated, knot. Yeah, I mean you could get into a car and drive to where she is supposed to be and look around for her car, and crazy stuff like that, but is this what you are letting this girl reduce you to? A crazy, insecure, jealous, boyfriend? C'mon, you already know the answer to your question... let this one go. Let her play her games with the other man. When she gets back, just tell her you met someone else while she was at 'her friend's', and you want to be free to pursue the other woman. Wish her all the luck in her future endeavors as you are patting her ass as you push her out the door for the final time. NO man should put up with the garbage you have put up with - and when you find a new girl who takes you seriously, you will never regret the leaving... 4
gorf Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Do this and you will completely seal your fate. Im not saying that at all. To sum up what I meant is this: when is the last time he bought her flowers or wrote her a love note? A week ago. 6 months ago? Its a valid point to look at in a relationship, even to evaluate his own interest level that she might be picking up on. If say he gives her a healthy level of attention, tells her what she means to him and buys her flowers (very basically put) and she still continues this way, then she has a cheating mentality, is emotionally cheating and checked out and it probably wont change so he should move on.
Sweetfish Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Im not saying that at all. To sum up what I meant is this: when is the last time he bought her flowers or wrote her a love note? A week ago. 6 months ago? Its a valid point to look at in a relationship, even to evaluate his own interest level that she might be picking up on. If say he gives her a healthy level of attention, tells her what she means to him and buys her flowers (very basically put) and she still continues this way, then she has a cheating mentality, is emotionally cheating and checked out and it probably wont change so he should move on. Not shooting your methods down... but women just do not care about materialistic things. 90% of the time if a women has found someone else its because she is leveling up. I know a women who has left everything to be with a guy half her age. 1
phineas Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 (edited) Im not saying that at all. To sum up what I meant is this: when is the last time he bought her flowers or wrote her a love note? A week ago. 6 months ago? Its a valid point to look at in a relationship, even to evaluate his own interest level that she might be picking up on. If say he gives her a healthy level of attention, tells her what she means to him and buys her flowers (very basically put) and she still continues this way, then she has a cheating mentality, is emotionally cheating and checked out and it probably wont change so he should move on. You have seen to many chick flicks. Every woman I know goes "awwww" and "why can't i have that" when they see some over the top romantic gestures on the TV. Then they change the channel and get with the a-hole who goes on an out of town golf trip with his buddy's on her birthday weekend. Then she hangs out with one of the guys she friend-zoned who did remember her birthday and cries on his shoulder. Then sleeps with her BF when he gets back from his golf trip. Edited December 4, 2016 by phineas 1
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Quick update. So I've decided to confront her. I don't know what will happen but if someone needs to tell me something before I do it please tell me now.
Redhead14 Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Quick update. So I've decided to confront her. I don't know what will happen but if someone needs to tell me something before I do it please tell me now. Don't "confront" her. You meet her, you tell her that her behavior is a deal breaker for you and that you are moving on and wish her well. Make a dignified, graceful, cut and dried exit. 1
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted December 6, 2016 Author Posted December 6, 2016 Ok, so here's an update. Let me know what you think. I confronted her and she told me I was paranoid, that the ex contacted her and that they're only friends. She told me I was wrong for checking her phone and now she's mad. Problem is, I saw SHE was the one who initiated the convo with the ex, so why is she lying? Also, she only texted me once while she was away in the weekend, and when I asked her what she was doing, she told me "nothing special." That was it. What's going on??? Why is she mad at me now? And why do I feel she's distancing herself from me?
phineas Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 Ok, so here's an update. Let me know what you think. I confronted her and she told me I was paranoid, that the ex contacted her and that they're only friends. She told me I was wrong for checking her phone and now she's mad. Problem is, I saw SHE was the one who initiated the convo with the ex, so why is she lying? Also, she only texted me once while she was away in the weekend, and when I asked her what she was doing, she told me "nothing special." That was it. What's going on??? Why is she mad at me now? And why do I feel she's distancing herself from me? It's called gas-lighting and blame shifting to make you the bad guy so she can justify her actions. I gotta be honest here, you sound like the proverbial beta. You confronted her and she pimp slapped you back into place then lied to you to boot. worst case, she slept with him and is now trying to get him back. best case, she has zero respect for you. why are you still with her?
dumbass2 Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 Confronting her like that wasn't a good move. She ended up in control and now has you wondering why she is mad at you. You look like the bad guy now for snooping on her phone. She has turned this on you now. Learn from this and have some self respect going forward and don't become a groveling wimp because SHE is now mad at you. You really should break it off now. I'm pretty sure she had herself a fun weekend.
PegNosePete Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 why is she lying? Because she likes to think that she is pure as the driven snow and that butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She wants YOU to be the bad guy and she wants you to be grovelling apologies to her for ever doubting that she could ever harm a fly. That's what she thinks. Of course it's all total fantasy. Why are you still with her?
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted December 7, 2016 Author Posted December 7, 2016 Update. I dumped her. Told her I felt as though this relationship wasn't serious anymore and that I want to find someone who truly wants me. Went out, got drunk and met a girl. A mess!
Miss Peach Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 If you two can't trust each other then there doesn't seem much reason to keep the relationship. It took guts to breakup but it sounds like it was for the best.
salparadise Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 Update. I dumped her. Told her I felt as though this relationship wasn't serious anymore and that I want to find someone who truly wants me. Went out, got drunk and met a girl. A mess! Good for you, Eddie. When someone plays you for a fool or a schmuck, the only way you can remain with them is to give up your dignity and self-respect. Never do that. Then they'll not only be cheating, they'll be laughing too. There's only one solution. Congrats for choosing to hold onto your dignity.
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