LexiCat29 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Per my response, I was referring to the OP's boyfriend, not her... not sure why you are having an issue comprehending this Because you said 'you' would bang anything with a pulse and not 'he' would bang anything with a pulse, not to mention the fact that you told her not to throw stones..so it was very clearly referring to the OP and not her boyfriend. Either way, I'm glad we could clarify it for the OP!
GottaBeBoosted Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 I have lived with male roommates before and never had any issues, however we were friends before we moved in together. I actually preferred living with them over the female roommates I've had, mainly because a guy is usually just more laid back and tends to keep to himself more. I agree with the other folks on here saying that she is just used to getting this kind of attention, or she is just trying to see how much he will do for her. So, I do think she's stepping over the boundaries, especially being that she doesn't know him well yet. In my opinion your idea of saying no some, or distancing himself seems like a fair option. Hopefully she doesn't get upset and vengeful toward that though...
LargoLagg Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Oh wait a minute then. If the lease is under his name and he rented the place initially and now is looking for roommates to take over the other spare rooms that could be what he means. Technically yes, he is on the hook for the entire lease and the others sort of sublet from him. So then it would make sense he has hesitations and doesn't want her to bail. If that's the case, trust him. He really is doing it because he doesn't want to lose the place or have her leave him high and dry. Ugh what a predicament to be in...Of course, that's why God created the Security Deposit.
basil67 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 I still don't like it, not even for one month. I insist he needs to stop. After some explanation he agreed, he said he will do it for me. And he said over and over he will not get attracted. What do you guys think? I think you're being controlling. And given that he's had to say over and over again that he will not get attracted, it also sounds like you're nagging. You are going to drive him away if you keep this up. You have every right to your feelings and beliefs on what you feel is right. On what you will accept in your life. You have every right to express this to him. But you do NOT have the right to tell him what he can and cannot do. If you express your feelings about something he's doing but he disagrees and continues as he was, then you need to rethink the relationship.
Author frus69 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 If you express your feelings about something he's doing but he disagrees and continues as he was, then you need to rethink the relationship. So I expressed to him im uncomfortable with him living with females but he did it anyway I should break up with him now?
Author frus69 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) End of the story: He is going to live with her for a year, (and another housemate if any of you are wondering) he doesnt want to make things awkward. In fact he wants to make things pleasant and expect her to be nice in return, so maybe if sometimes he leaves some dirty dishes in the sink, she will do him a favour and wash them. So if she asks him for favours again, he will do some as long as they don't cross the line. He won't bring her food home, but he will help her get water if she's sick. Regards to what is appropriate and what is not, I can only trust That he will make the right decision , if I want to stay in this relationship Or, I can just decide that he's up for no good or too weak, that he is going to have sex with her one day,and I should leave Edited November 30, 2016 by frus69
basil67 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) So I expressed to him im uncomfortable with him living with females but he did it anyway I should break up with him now? Our partners won't always do what we want or do things how we want it done. This is because they are free thinking individuals with a right to make their own decisions. If discussing the issue brings no change or compromise, then we are faced with what is a solid difference of opinion. In some situations, this can be resolved with an 'agree to disagree'. In other situations, it becomes a dealbreaker. It just depends whether or not a person feels strongly enough about the issue. Is this a hill worth dying on? Only you can answer this question. However, I would caution you to not stay if you're going to keep getting mad, frequently asking for reassurance or feeling the need to tell him what to do. It will just do your head in. And do his head in too. Edited November 30, 2016 by basil67 1
Shining One Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 I've had both male and female roommates over the years. The women tended to be more prone for asking for things than the men. The men would ask for help once a year to move heavy electronics. The women would ask for help unloading groceries. The women would ask for help to get something off the top shelf in the kitchen. The (shorter) men would get a barstool from the next room to stand on. I suspect the female roommate is used to having random men do things for her so she's continuing to expect that behavior from your boyfriend.
phineas Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Oh there is another room. I wouldn't let him live with just one girl ! He is still looking for someone to take the room. But it could be another female ? Do you think if he lives with two females it will be better than one-on-one? I expressed my concerns but didn't say he can't live with girls. I thought that might be bit controlling. After all he's paying all the rent and it's a big number. He also said nothing will ever happen so...oh well Given the circumstances, should he have not taken any females whatsoever? 3's company? 1
Author frus69 Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 Our partners won't always do what we want or do things how we want it done. This is because they are free thinking individuals with a right to make their own decisions. If discussing the issue brings no change or compromise, then we are faced with what is a solid difference of opinion. In some situations, this can be resolved with an 'agree to disagree'. In other situations, it becomes a dealbreaker. It just depends whether or not a person feels strongly enough about the issue. Is this a hill worth dying on? Only you can answer this question. However, I would caution you to not stay if you're going to keep getting mad, frequently asking for reassurance or feeling the need to tell him what to do. It will just do your head in. And do his head in too. ok, I agree. I am letting it go this time. Now there is another woman moving in, so she will have a girl friend. And there really should be no reason for her to keep asking my BF for favours anymore. I have decided if, she keeps making odd requests, only to my BF, and he doesn't say no, I will not be able to continue this anymore. I suppose I'm being fair. 1
LexiCat29 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 So I expressed to him im uncomfortable with him living with females but he did it anyway I should break up with him now? Would it really have been so difficult for him to find a male roommate?
Author frus69 Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 Would it really have been so difficult for him to find a male roommate? He's been looking for more than a month and all guys flaked on him. Actually Those two women were the only two who said yes. Everyone else turned him down. So it's not like he chose the two out of other candidates, he had no choice. Don't know why it's so hard, but it just is I guess. Maybe young guys are less willing to pay for the high price then girls? And he is not going to pay extra $450 every week to wait for male housemates. I also don't think I can ask him to do that for me either
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I think getting a second roommate in, especially another woman, is a good thing. Now they can have each other for support and your guy can do the "backing-away-slowly walk" as those two become roomie/bffs Unless the current girl is one of those "I don't have women friends, women are catty and I only have guy friends because I get along better with men" then I'd be scared very very scared. 1
Author frus69 Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 Unless the current girl is one of those "I don't have women friends, women are catty and I only have guy friends because I get along better with men" then I'd be scared very very scared. I have no evidence she only likes to make guy friends lol luckily I really want to have more confidence in myself and even if he cheats one day I will have the strength to walk away and find someone better. It's easier said than done though 1
basil67 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 He's been looking for more than a month and all guys flaked on him. Actually Those two women were the only two who said yes. Everyone else turned him down. So it's not like he chose the two out of other candidates, he had no choice. Don't know why it's so hard, but it just is I guess. Maybe young guys are less willing to pay for the high price then girls? And he is not going to pay extra $450 every week to wait for male housemates. I also don't think I can ask him to do that for me either This information is crucial. It would have saved your boyfriend from getting slammed by other posters who think he just wants a bit of arse. He tried to do the right thing. He tried to respect what you wanted. But, despite his best efforts, it didn't work out. Yet, you were still giving him a hard time over the choice he had to make. This was quite unfair on him. 1
Author frus69 Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 This information is crucial. It would have saved your boyfriend from getting slammed by other posters who think he just wants a bit of arse. He tried to do the right thing. He tried to respect what you wanted. But, despite his best efforts, it didn't work out. Yet, you were still giving him a hard time over the choice he had to make. This was quite unfair on him. He tried to do the right thing/respected what I wanted would mean he tried to only look for guys first. But he didn't. He never specificed gender on his ad. knowing it's not easy to rent out places,Gender is just not high on his list I guess. And I don't think I gave him a hard time just for having female housemates. I'm only frustrated because this girl turned out to be weird. I'm totally fine with the other girl. Maybe it is controlling to you when I asked him to say no but I think I have this right , I need to tell him what makes me uncomfortable. Whether he does it or not is his choice. I didn't yell at him or anything 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 You do have the right to mention it. I don't think it's controlling you are with your guy already it's not like you just met him. You aren't saying "don't live with women" You are saying why is this freak interrupting our time together to talk about her ovarian problems and to ask for special deliveries? And you mentioned all the information already early in the thread regarding his search process for roommates so that information was already told us very early on. He tried to get male roommates but wasn't having any luck. Further explanations doesn't change my opinion. He needs to draw a line and you were fine with discussing it with him. It's clearly bothering you and you discussed it. This chick is calling him to bring dinner home for her. Get the fck outta here with "can you bring me dinner, I'm hungry and there is nothing to eat at home!" I don't care how lonely she is is or how chummy she thinks she can be that's crossing a line most sane, and adjusted people wouldn't cross. Regardless of there being a girlfriend in the picture.
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I really want to have more confidence in myself and even if he cheats one day I will have the strength to walk away and find someone better. It's easier said than done though Have you stayed with someone who cheated on you before? Discussing what you would like to see in a relationship is having confidence, don't underestimate yourself. Quietly looking the other way when something is clearly wrong isn't. And building up resentment inside is not a good way to live.
Author frus69 Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 Have you stayed with someone who cheated on you before? Discussing what you would like to see in a relationship is having confidence, don't underestimate yourself. Quietly looking the other way when something is clearly wrong isn't. And building up resentment inside is not a good way to live. Never busted any previous BFs in action but my ex broke up with me because he just "lost interest". Witnessed heaps of my friends being cheated on though. I was single for 2 years prior to meeting my now BF And I kinda don't want to repeat that process again. So I am scared of him losing interest. If I could be more carefree I'd be a lot less stressed with current situation.
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 You'll definitely have to get a hold on that then. If you go into a relationship thinking I cannot have him lose interest because I cannot go back to being alone for 2 years again, it is practically guaranteed you will self-sabotage. It's good you are aware of that. You really need to work on that and shift your mindset.
Gaeta Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I was single for 2 years prior to meeting my now BF And I kinda don't want to repeat that process again. So I am scared of him losing interest. If I could be more carefree I'd be a lot less stressed with current situation. Omg, there is nothing wrong in being single! I was single for 10 years and never had a boring moment! You don't need a man to give you a purpose in life. Being carefree is a philosophy of life you have to work at reaching through reading. If you are interested here is a an easy read: The Buddhist in the mirror. It will initiate you to the thought process of 'no matter what - everything will be alright'. 1
Author frus69 Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Just thought I may post an update, an interesting one. This chick is moving out. Apparently she thinks her female problem is getting worse and she is prepared to stay in the hospital after the cyst removal. She said she hasn't stopped bleeding and she feels pain quite often. Maybe she is telling the truth here? BF has decided not to continue with this place anymore. He is exhausted by the whole searching process and afterward dramas and he doesn't want to keep advertising now. He's moving back home to his Mum. It's not all fairy tale for me either cuz his Mum is renting out her rooms and currently there is one girl tenant. He is going to live with a girl again. But I'm practising some Buddhism aiming to not get stressed out again. She's probably nice and wont cause any dramas. 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Cysts, polyps, and fibroids do and can cause you to bleed more. Poor girl that can't be fun. Still doesn't mean she has cancer. Hopefully she doesn't. Looks like you are kind of doomed no matter where your guys goes. I'm not laughing that your misfortune but the situation is kind of ironic and funny. It'll be fine. You can't be worried about all women your guy shares a accommodations with, you have to trust him at some point. Plus his mom is there, I doubt that makes of ideal conditions to get with the roomie. Thanks for the update. 1
Gaeta Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Just thought I may post an update, an interesting one. This chick is moving out. Apparently she thinks her female problem is getting worse and she is prepared to stay in the hospital after the cyst removal. She said she hasn't stopped bleeding and she feels pain quite often. Maybe she is telling the truth here? BF has decided not to continue with this place anymore. He is exhausted by the whole searching process and afterward dramas and he doesn't want to keep advertising now. He's moving back home to his Mum. It's not all fairy tale for me either cuz his Mum is renting out her rooms and currently there is one girl tenant. He is going to live with a girl again. But I'm practising some Buddhism aiming to not get stressed out again. She's probably nice and wont cause any dramas. How bizarre. She is moving out where? Sure they will keep her for 48 hours after her surgery but that's it. She won't be renting a room there. Cyst don't bleed. Sounds more like a fibroid. It's an unexpected turn of event in your favor. Don't worry about the room-mate as his mom. She has been there for a while I assume she won't need a touristic guide. 1
No_Go Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Honestly? He's blowing smoke up your a**. Nobody moves out due to surgery (especially cyst/fibroid - c'mon - that's an ambulatory procedure, usually laparoscopic with no hospital stay), even if it was a full blown cancer. There are leases, minimums, I had yet to see a place that agrees tenants to move in/out for under a month. I will bet money, lots of it, that this was just a friend/ex of him crashing with him temporarily and he didn't want to give you this extra info because you act a little insecure. 1
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