No_Go Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 WTF??? She decided to share her ObGyn results with brand new housemate? Makes zero sense. She's either socially inadequate or there is something more that you don't know (like they knew each other long time ago). Is he lonely in general (I mean does he have friends/family around)? I find this exchange absurd for people that just met regardless of their gender. But it is far from 'romantic'. Just odd. Next step will be to discuss each others' bowel movements I guess everyone has different set of boundaries and his may not be the same as mine and there will be gray areas. Apparently last night she told him she's had pain in her abdominal area and exanimation shows she has ovarian cyst and could be cancerous. BF told me this. And I said most of the time cyst is none cancerous. He went out of the way to message her and tell her that the doctor may just be cautious. I don't know if he was trying to comfort her. And he was waiting for her to tell him her test result. I feel he cared about her a bit too much? But he says he just finds cancer scary, and she is a housemate, so naturally he wants to know. This is another thing that doesn't sit well with me. I wouldn't care so much ,unless she is really diagnosed with cancer. But maybe I'm just a cold hearted person? And his explanation sounds legit. I really cant tell if I'm the one whos over thinking.
Author frus69 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 WTF??? She decided to share her ObGyn results with brand new housemate? Makes zero sense. She's either socially inadequate or there is something more that you don't know (like they knew each other long time ago). Is he lonely in general (I mean does he have friends/family around)? I find this exchange absurd for people that just met regardless of their gender. But it is far from 'romantic'. Just odd. Next step will be to discuss each others' bowel movements Is my BF lonely? No I don't think so. He has friend and family around. Sees them regularly. It also sounds like she has many friends too. She's out often. So far she hasn't suggested any activities to do with my BF together, so that's good. To be honest I don't know what to think now. She sounds like some manipulative mastermind or something and I don't have the energy for this.
No_Go Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Unless your BF is super attractive (10/10) or they know each other from before, I can't imagine her making a master plan for someone that she met under a week ago. But if they are both social (not each other only contact) - it is just plain weird that she's sharing gyno results with him. Otherwise I don't see that big of a deal with female roommate, I lived with guys before and (most of the times) we didn't even interacted much except when it comes to paying the house bills and cleaning schedules. Do you stay over with him often? Is my BF lonely? No I don't think so. He has friend and family around. Sees them regularly. It also sounds like she has many friends too. She's out often. So far she hasn't suggested any activities to do with my BF together, so that's good. To be honest I don't know what to think now. She sounds like some manipulative mastermind or something and I don't have the energy for this.
Author frus69 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) Unless your BF is super attractive (10/10) or they know each other from before, I can't imagine her making a master plan for someone that she met under a week ago. But if they are both social (not each other only contact) - it is just plain weird that she's sharing gyno results with him. Otherwise I don't see that big of a deal with female roommate, I lived with guys before and (most of the times) we didn't even interacted much except when it comes to paying the house bills and cleaning schedules. Do you stay over with him often? He's not that attractive but attractive enough for her. She's averge looking herself. And no they really don't know each other . Normally he stays over at mine ( all weekends) and I'm gonna increase my visit now I won't have a problem with her if she keeps it to herself but she doesn't ... Edited November 30, 2016 by frus69
Author frus69 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 A little update He found another housemate, female again. Took him months so he is going to give her the offer. I guess two girls is better than one? He told me he is nice to this "crazy" housemate because he really doesn't want to move back home. He desperately needs her to pay the bills. He also thinks it's her nature to be very open with no matter whom. He doesn't care what info she shares as long as she pays bills. So for the first few months or something, he is going to do her favours, even if he doesn't enjoy it, or finds them weird, just so she wont move out and let him pay rent again or move back home. But he said definitely no more than a few months. I still don't like it, not even for one month. I insist he needs to stop. After some explanation he agreed, he said he will do it for me. And he said over and over he will not get attracted. What do you guys think?
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 How old is this guy? Didn't she just sign a year lease? Where is she going if he doesn't do her these favours? He is doing her favours because he wants to. That's it. Did you really ask him to reassure you that "he won't get attracted?" 1
Author frus69 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 How old is this guy? Didn't she just sign a year lease? Where is she going if he doesn't do her these favours? He is doing her favours because he wants to. That's it. Did you really ask him to reassure you that "he won't get attracted?" He's 25. The lease thing, I don't know. Apparently his property manager said he is still liable if she doesn't pay rent or dashes out. I don't agree but I'm no lawyer. So he is worried about this in the back of his mind. So he is being nice to her until she settles. But yeah, I should ask, where can she go.. Is he doing her favours because he wants to? I asked and he said no. And to be frank, I cant imagine why he would want to? She's not Miranda Kerr, and they met 4 days ago. I didn't ask him to reassure anything, or promise me anything. I was just expressing concerns and he reassured me he wont get attached himself.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Oh wait a minute then. If the lease is under his name and he rented the place initially and now is looking for roommates to take over the other spare rooms that could be what he means. Technically yes, he is on the hook for the entire lease and the others sort of sublet from him. So then it would make sense he has hesitations and doesn't want her to bail. If that's the case, trust him. He really is doing it because he doesn't want to lose the place or have her leave him high and dry. Ugh what a predicament to be in... 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 I don't care how ugly she is, she has a vagina. A vagina he has not been in yet. A vagina with easy access that is different. You are kidding yourself if you think he's not going to go there at some point. And sounds like she may be the initiator, but there's going to be sexual tension to the point that the first time you and your BF fall on bad times or argue, he's going to slay it... Some men have standards. My own bf never enjoyed sex with women thathe wasn't attracted to He remained without sex for well over a year, despite easy vagina around him. Not all men want a hole, any hole:sick:
Author frus69 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 Oh wait a minute then. If the lease is under his name and he rented the place initially and now is looking for roommates to take over the other spare rooms that could be what he means. Technically yes, he is on the hook for the entire lease and the others sort of sublet from him. So then it would make sense he has hesitations and doesn't want her to bail. If that's the case, trust him. He really is doing it because he doesn't want to lose the place or have her leave him high and dry. Ugh what a predicament to be in... No I don't think it's the case. I am sure all three people's names are on the lease, that's what he told me. So they should be reliable individually. But somehow his property manager says he is reliable for the whole place. Aren't property managers experts in these sort of things? But I think, he is definitely worried about this possibility.
basil67 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Is he doing her favours because he wants to? I asked and he said no. And to be frank, I cant imagine why he would want to? She's not Miranda Kerr, and they met 4 days ago. This is a really odd conversation. While the second two favours were asking a lot early on, helping her move in a heavy piece of furniture wasn't much of a favour. It's simply the kind of act that any half decent flatmate would do to help another. A man or woman who refused this kind of help would be a very unpleasant and selfish person. That said, yes, he wants to help her. Why? Probably because he's a good guy. You can't imagine why he'd want to do her a favour? Again, because he's a good guy. I do favours for people who aren't good looking. I do favours for people I met just a minute ago. Where do you get the idea that a decent man will only do a woman a favour if she's good looking and he's known her for ages? This idea is so screwed up. I'm assuming that you don't look like Miranda Kerr either. Not many women do. But it's probably fair to say that random men have done you favours for no reason other than that they are nice people. It truly sounds like in your world, a person would only help those who they know and love. Heaven help the ugly hag who needs a bus seat. But if this isn't how it is in your world, then you'd better have a long look at your attitude to your guy.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Yes and the only way that he would be liable for the entire lease would be if your guy, let's call him "Tom" is on the lease then "Marcie" decides to rent the room and she has an agreement with Tom and the approval from "Joe the landlord" but Joe decided he does not require adding Marcie on the lease as a tenant, he only lists her for insurance purposes. In that case Tom is liable the entire lease and for any breaches (default) to the rent. That's how the law works in my country. Look up the Residential Tenancy Act in your country/state/province to see how the rules apply.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 It truly sounds like in your world, a person would only help those who they know and love. Heaven help the ugly hag who needs a bus seat. But if this isn't how it is in your world, then you'd better have a long look at your attitude to your guy. Oh c'mon!! Give the OP a break. This chick is calling her b/f on the weekend asking him when he'll be home because she is hungry and wants him to pick her up some take-away. Then she is discussing the results of her ovarian cysts and he is texting her all concerned that maybe it isn't cancer. They met 4 days ago. 4 DAYS AGO! 1
Author frus69 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 This is a really odd conversation. While the second two favours were asking a lot early on, helping her move in a heavy piece of furniture wasn't much of a favour. It's simply the kind of act that any half decent flatmate would do to help another. A man or woman who refused this kind of help would be a very unpleasant and selfish person. That said, yes, he wants to help her. Why? Probably because he's a good guy. You can't imagine why he'd want to do her a favour? Again, because he's a good guy. I do favours for people who aren't good looking. I do favours for people I met just a minute ago. Where do you get the idea that a decent man will only do a woman a favour if she's good looking and he's known her for ages? This idea is so screwed up. I'm assuming that you don't look like Miranda Kerr either. Not many women do. But it's probably fair to say that random men have done you favours for no reason other than that they are nice people. It truly sounds like in your world, a person would only help those who they know and love. Heaven help the ugly hag who needs a bus seat. But if this isn't how it is in your world, then you'd better have a long look at your attitude to your guy. Not saying he can only help when she's hot, I also agree there are nice people out there who like to help people. It's just the things she asked are, too personal? Would you not agree, that it's not normal for her to ask those favours at the first place? And should he still help out no matter what? If your partner has a female something asking him personal favours and you are not comfortable, will you till let him do it? Will you ever raise your voice at some point?
basil67 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Not saying he can only help when she's hot, I also agree there are nice people out there who like to help people. It's just the things she asked are, too personal? Would you not agree, that it's not normal for her to ask those favours at the first place? And should he still help out no matter what? If your partner has a female something asking him personal favours and you are not comfortable, will you till let him do it? Will you ever raise your voice at some point? So you didn't really mean what you said about not understanding him helping because she doesn't look like a model. The first favour of moving furniture was a completely normal request. Completely and utterly normal. The others may have been normal if she was really ill and couldn't do it herself....but she wasn't ill....so, yes it was odd. As for "letting my partner do X", do you realise how controlling this is? My partner is his own man and it is not my place to grant him permission to do something. I am not his mother. That said, I'm really secure in our relationship and none of this would phase me unless he started putting me second. For example, running late for a date with me because he was helping the flatmate. Even if he did put me second, I would not raise my voice at him. Yelling at a partner only ever makes problems worse. Calm discussion with listening to each other's point of view is the only good way to deal with issues.
TheTraveler Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 One bloody year However he will move out if he can't find anyone for the second bedroom in two weeks. If he manages to find someone else yeah they will live together for a year but two housemates are better than one I think Why is your boyfriend renting a place he cannot afford? Why not downsize to a one bedroom/loft/studio and get his own place that he can afford? 1
Author frus69 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 Why is your boyfriend renting a place he cannot afford? Why not downsize to a one bedroom/loft/studio and get his own place that he can afford? The place is in perfect location for his work and study and other landmark locations. He can walk anywhere. He's been there for a year already but those ex housemates moved out . and he really likes the place. So he wants to stay, unless he just really can't find two housemates. But if he can, he won't move everything around just to avoid have female housemates
clia Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 No I don't think it's the case. I am sure all three people's names are on the lease, that's what he told me. So they should be reliable individually. But somehow his property manager says he is reliable for the whole place. Aren't property managers experts in these sort of things? But I think, he is definitely worried about this possibility. It's common in leases for each person on the lease to be jointly and severally liable for the entire amount. From the landlord's perspective, he just wants the full rent paid. He doesn't care about dynamics between roommates, how they decide to split up the rent, etc. It also protects the landlord from having to chase after a person who moves out before the end of the lease, because the remaining tenants still owe the full amount. So, your boyfriend may be individually liable, but if she's on the lease than she is also individually liable for the full amount. She seems really strange. He should be polite to her, but keep his distance. 1
Gaeta Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 So for the first few months or something, he is going to do her favours, even if he doesn't enjoy it, or finds them weird, just so she wont move out and let him pay rent again or move back home. But he said definitely no more than a few months. You are definitely dating a beta male and one at the bottom of food chain. I am speechless. Cross your fingers nothing important happens to you because this boy will not stand in front of a train for you. As for the rent I think your BF misunderstands or he is willingly misinforming you. You think the land-lord will rip the old lease 2-3 times to make a new one each time a new room-mate moves in? No. The lease is under his name and he has agreements with his room-mates. The full responsibility toward the land-lord is your boyfriend.
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 wow..you'd sleep with whatever that has a vagina? OP's BF is late teens or early 20's... yes, at that time I would bang anything that had a pulse. You would to... don't throw stones
Formerfiveo Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 OP's BF is late teens or early 20's... yes, at that time I would bang anything that had a pulse. You would to... don't throw stones Some of us do/did have self control at that age. Don't make assumptions. 1
LexiCat29 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 OP's BF is late teens or early 20's... yes, at that time I would bang anything that had a pulse. You would to... don't throw stones The OP sounds like a straight female so I sincerely doubt she would bang 'anything with a pulse'. No offense though..of course there's nothing wrong with being bisexual and I'm sure that was fun for you. For me, when I agree to be in a relationship I expect fidelity at any age. If the OPs bf didn't want that he wouldn't have agreed to be with her. I think he just has poor boundaries and he needs to start saying no to the roommate.
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 The OP sounds like a straight female so I sincerely doubt she would bang 'anything with a pulse'. No offense though..of course there's nothing wrong with being bisexual and I'm sure that was fun for you. Per my response, I was referring to the OP's boyfriend, not her... not sure why you are having an issue comprehending this
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Some of us do/did have self control at that age. Don't make assumptions. You are either in the minority or had a boring sex life and wasted a ton of opportunity then, on average for that age group... just letting you know
eightytwenty Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 My thing is.. If y'all been together for awhile I don't see a reason why y'all didn't get a place together. I know that's like rushing into things, but I guess when I've been with someone over a year, and they are with you most of the time, there isn't a reason to not move in...
Recommended Posts