frus69 Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 I do have a tendency to be paranoid so I want to see what you guys think.. BF just had a female housemate moving in last weekend. On the first day she asked him to help her lift something (help her moving) , which is fair enough.BF agreed. Second day she asked if he can bring her some food on his way home cuz she's hungry. He was with me and he said "maybe just have the frozen pizza in the fridge, I'm not going home right away" Third day she said to him "I'm going for a walk, can you pick me up on way home" and BF agreed cuz he was trying to be nice, even though he finds such request weird. I find it weird too. I met her, and she was friendly, not hostile towards me whatsoever. So maybe she just has the habit of getting favours out of people? But I find it happening so often that I don't know how to deal with it. Any advice? Should I just chill?
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 I used to ask/get asked to do that kind of staff with my former male house mate. But then again, we used to hook up occassionally. So 5
phineas Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 (edited) how hot is she and could he not find a guy to move in with him? look on the bright side, if she is the type i think she is, him complying to her wishes will make her think of him as her GF and not a real man so the chances of her being attracted to him are slim to none. unless he defies her and tells her to go get her own food or tells princess to buck up and finish her walk like a big girl. he may trigger her jerk attraction gene. the only thing i'm wondering about is where is her universe of orbiters that normally do her bidding? Edited November 29, 2016 by phineas 3
Author frus69 Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 She's not hot. She's average looking. He thinks she's average looking but that's not what I'm worried about. Attraction can grow. He has two rooms he's paying all the bills so he's desperate to find people to move in. He didn't think having a female housemates can be a big problem He understands why I'm concerned though But there is nothing I can do
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 He didn't think having a female housemates can be a big problem Yeah sure... I do have a tendency to be paranoid Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean others are not up to no good. She is testing his boundaries and seeing how far she can go. She may or not be attracted to him, but men tend to like playing the hero, saving the girl and solving problems, so you are right to be concerned here. Her intention may be to steal him from right under your nose, sorry to say. 6
Formerfiveo Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 She's a roommate. He's her landlord, not her friend - did they know each other prior to her moving in? Her requests are totally inappropriate. I wouldn't be as concerned about them hooking up as I would be about him becoming her personal assistant. He needs to set boundaries and say "no" to her requests unless he wants to raise a child, because she's acting like a helpless child. 10
Els Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 She sounds like a user. My main concern if I were you wouldn't be that she's a 'threat' to your R (if he has any brain at all, she won't be, especially with behaviour like that), but I would be concerned that your bf isn't setting up appropriate boundaries. 4
Author frus69 Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 They are not friends . She's a stranger when moved in He said he's trying to be nice to her at the beginning, since she just moved in. He wants to be friends with all housemates so they can be nice to him too so it will just be convinient. He has told me he is not attracted to her but my fear is that since she created (even unintentionally) so many opportunities for them to spend time together, his attraction may grow?
Els Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 They are not friends . She's a stranger when moved in He said he's trying to be nice to her at the beginning, since she just moved in. He wants to be friends with all housemates so they can be nice to him too so it will just be convinient. He has told me he is not attracted to her but my fear is that since she created (even unintentionally) so many opportunities for them to spend time together, his attraction may grow? Look, anyone can cheat if they want to. It's not about opportunity, it's about personality and choices. How long have you and your bf been together, anyway? 2
Author frus69 Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 Look, anyone can cheat if they want to. It's not about opportunity, it's about personality and choices. How long have you and your bf been together, anyway? Just about a year. He's an introvert. I understand he just wants to be nice. She's an extrovert so maybe this is just her social style . I know he won't physically cheat on me. If anything he would end with me first before getting together with another woman. But it sucks just about the same I asked him to say no if she keeps making those requests. I even told him to go out of the way to be distant if necessary . He agreed. There's not much else I can do?
Els Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 Just about a year. He's an introvert. I understand he just wants to be nice. She's an extrovert so maybe this is just her social style . I know he won't physically cheat on me. If anything he would end with me first before getting together with another woman. But it sucks just about the same I asked him to say no if she keeps making those requests. I even told him to go out of the way to be distant if necessary . He agreed. There's not much else I can do? Is there a reason you guys have no plans to move in together after having dated for a year? (Not judging, I know some people are principally against living together before marriage and that's fine, just asking) I mean, you obviously shouldn't be moving in JUST to avoid him having a female housemate, but it strikes me as a bit strange that he needs someone to live with and picks a female housemate right off the street instead of asking you if you would like to do so, despite having been together for a year. 2
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 She's not hot. She's average looking. He thinks she's average looking but that's not what I'm worried about. Attraction can grow. He has two rooms he's paying all the bills so he's desperate to find people to move in. He didn't think having a female housemates can be a big problem He understands why I'm concerned though But there is nothing I can do I don't care how ugly she is, she has a vagina. A vagina he has not been in yet. A vagina with easy access that is different. You are kidding yourself if you think he's not going to go there at some point. And sounds like she may be the initiator, but there's going to be sexual tension to the point that the first time you and your BF fall on bad times or argue, he's going to slay it... 7
Author frus69 Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 Is there a reason you guys have no plans to move in together after having dated for a year? (Not judging, I know some people are principally against living together before marriage and that's fine, just asking) I mean, you obviously shouldn't be moving in JUST to avoid him having a female housemate, but it strikes me as a bit strange that he needs someone to live with and picks a female housemate right off the street instead of asking you if you would like to do so, despite having been together for a year. I have my own place so I won't move into his. I have thought about asking him to move in but feels not quite ready. He isn't asking friends to move in because he doesn't want to ruin friendships( he had bad experiences).. he never lived with female before and didn't think it would cause much drama. I also lived with male housemates before and everything was fine
Els Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 I have my own place so I won't move into his. I have thought about asking him to move in but feels not quite ready. He isn't asking friends to move in because he doesn't want to ruin friendships( he had bad experiences).. he never lived with female before and didn't think it would cause much drama. I also lived with male housemates before and everything was fine I personally think there is a difference between living with several housemates of mixed sex, and just one man and one woman. Again, that doesn't mean he will cheat, but I think it's perfectly normal to not feel comfortable with that situation. If you guys have been together for a year, you're in a fairly serious relationship and he should have talked to you about things before moving her in IMO. 2
Author frus69 Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 I personally think there is a difference between living with several housemates of mixed sex, and just one man and one woman. Again, that doesn't mean he will cheat, but I think it's perfectly normal to not feel comfortable with that situation. If you guys have been together for a year, you're in a fairly serious relationship and he should have talked to you about things before moving her in IMO. Oh there is another room. I wouldn't let him live with just one girl ! He is still looking for someone to take the room. But it could be another female ? Do you think if he lives with two females it will be better than one-on-one? I expressed my concerns but didn't say he can't live with girls. I thought that might be bit controlling. After all he's paying all the rent and it's a big number. He also said nothing will ever happen so...oh well Given the circumstances, should he have not taken any females whatsoever?
Popsicle Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 All he has to do is keep saying no. How this turns out is up to him. 3
PegNosePete Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 he never lived with female before and didn't think it would cause much drama. To be blunt, he's either: a) Moved her in because he wants a female housemate for added excitement in his life, cheating opportunities, etc b) Dumb and inexperienced with relationships! There is no way that any innocent, relationship-savvy guy would move a female housemate in when he has a girlfriend of a year, especially not without asking her about it first, and think that it wouldn't cause problems. No way AT ALL. If he had the housemate when you got together, or if there's multiple housemates of mixed gender, then it's different. But the way you describe it, he's either up to something (or planning to be up to something), or incredibly naive. 2
Author frus69 Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 To be blunt, he's either: a) Moved her in because he wants a female housemate for added excitement in his life, cheating opportunities, etc b) Dumb and inexperienced with relationships! There is no way that any innocent, relationship-savvy guy would move a female housemate in when he has a girlfriend of a year, especially not without asking her about it first, and think that it wouldn't cause problems. No way AT ALL. If he had the housemate when you got together, or if there's multiple housemates of mixed gender, then it's different. But the way you describe it, he's either up to something (or planning to be up to something), or incredibly naive. Well I guess he isn't that experienced cuz I'm kinda his first relationship. And there are two rooms . He will have two housemates.he just can't find another one yet. But it could be two females. Regarding the "he did it without asking me" well kinda true. He did tell me when he found a girl. I didn't say anything. But I don't think he will drop her if I said no anyway, cuz he really doesn't wanna pay all the rent Is it really that bad? I never thought he was up for something
Gaeta Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 Some of you still live in the last century. It's perfectly fine to have both genders room-mates. It's not because a man and a woman are under a same roof that they will automatically have sex. My daughter has always chosen to have male room-mates as she found them easier to deal with because they came with much less drama. Each time she had a female room-mate it turned into a Shakespeare play. Frus69: You trust your boyfriend right? then it's time to show it. It's not when all is dandy that trust is important it's when you are being challenged like now that it's time to show your loyalty. Your boyfriend needs to keep saying no to her. If he is always busy when she asks for a favor than she'll get a clue soon. It's possible she is not the right room-mate for him, if so than he can give her a 30 days notice and find himself someone more discreet. 3
Formerfiveo Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 To be blunt, he's either: a) Moved her in because he wants a female housemate for added excitement in his life, cheating opportunities, etc b) Dumb and inexperienced with relationships! There is no way that any innocent, relationship-savvy guy would move a female housemate in when he has a girlfriend of a year, especially not without asking her about it first, and think that it wouldn't cause problems. No way AT ALL. If he had the housemate when you got together, or if there's multiple housemates of mixed gender, then it's different. But the way you describe it, he's either up to something (or planning to be up to something), or incredibly naive. There are exceptions. I have a roommate in my house - a hot (by my friends standards), single man and I have a bf. My roommate is there to help pay the bills. That's it. As long as they pay their rent on time and clean up after themselves, I don't care what sex or sexual preference they are. 2
PegNosePete Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 I have a roommate in my house - a hot (by my friends standards), single man and I have a bf. My roommate is there to help pay the bills. That's it. Of course there are exceptions, but mostly they are different circumstances. Case in point: you are female. Very different. In this scenario with the facts as described by the OP, I maintain my opinion that the OP's BF is either up to no good or is extremely naive. 1
No_Go Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 People here maybe live in cheap cities ? Finding a roommate is a pain in the a*s, I mainly care they are someone that will: 1) pay their share on time / don't steal 2) don't destroy my belongings / be excessively dirty 3) don't be a wild partier / destroying my sleep time The gender is very low on the list... Maybe this guy is just practical, and wanted to decrease his bills fast instead of waiting for a suitable male roommate. Some of you still live in the last century. It's perfectly fine to have both genders room-mates. It's not because a man and a woman are under a same roof that they will automatically have sex. My daughter has always chosen to have male room-mates as she found them easier to deal with because they came with much less drama. Each time she had a female room-mate it turned into a Shakespeare play. Frus69: You trust your boyfriend right? then it's time to show it. It's not when all is dandy that trust is important it's when you are being challenged like now that it's time to show your loyalty. Your boyfriend needs to keep saying no to her. If he is always busy when she asks for a favor than she'll get a clue soon. It's possible she is not the right room-mate for him, if so than he can give her a 30 days notice and find himself someone more discreet. 2
Formerfiveo Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 Of course there are exceptions, but mostly they are different circumstances. Case in point: you are female. Very different. How is it very different? I'm asking honestly and not trying to be argumentative. I'm hoping OP's bf is just being naive and merely trying to be "nice." If that's the case, he's already set the tone for 2 a.m. calls from a bar asking him to pick her up because her ride left her. 1
Els Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 Oh there is another room. I wouldn't let him live with just one girl ! He is still looking for someone to take the room. But it could be another female ? Do you think if he lives with two females it will be better than one-on-one? I expressed my concerns but didn't say he can't live with girls. I thought that might be bit controlling. After all he's paying all the rent and it's a big number. He also said nothing will ever happen so...oh well Given the circumstances, should he have not taken any females whatsoever? Personally I think that it isn't so bad if there is a third roommate. But what matters is how YOU feel about it. I think you should just come to an agreement with him on what boundaries would be considered acceptable to both of you, and then observe and see if he sticks to them. 1
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