phineas Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 (edited) It's so funny you mentioned this. I would take a year off from, for example, POF...come back under a fresh profile and pictures and still see the same women who flaked or were unresponsive on there. Single, never married 40-something online dating spinsters that have become permanent fixtures of the site. Pretty much the same women a year or even longer ago and I figure, "Should I even bother emailing them again?" lol Some aren't really all that much to write home about in the looks department either. Apparently, they overvalue value themselves and are holding out for the impossible hunk to meander into this backwater area. 9/10 they never even read your message and don't even know who you are they get so many. basically i learned to just message women who were currently online and i would get responses. The content of the message usually doesn't make much of a distance. "how's it going?" or some variation has gotten me plenty of responses and dates by women who found me attractive. Edited December 1, 2016 by phineas
TheTraveler Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Understand your point and the thought had crossed my mind. If I were meeting women f2f this takes on a whole new meaning. But most OLD askes specifically about your current state. If you fail to answer you better be like the little guys on the abercrobie bags.... or else your avoided like the plague. I guess I could be douchey and lie but that's just not me. I'd rather be content with the people I've met than go that route. I feel as though at some point I will come out of this on the better end. Technically you're in a separation, but truthfully you're currently single. I would run with that since you are in fact SINGLE & ready to MINGLE
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 It's so funny you mentioned this. I would take a year off from, for example, POF...come back under a fresh profile and pictures and still see the same women who flaked or were unresponsive on there. Single, never married 40-something online dating spinsters that have become permanent fixtures of the site. Pretty much the same women a year or even longer ago and I figure, "Should I even bother emailing them again?" lol Some aren't really all that much to write home about in the looks department either. Believe me they are thinking the exact same thing when they see repeat offenders. "There's that reject again, now he's 50 still looks like he's 45 oh ya using exact same pic as 6 years ago. Longest relationship - 1yr. Open to having kids, tagline reads - looking for my partner in crime" They see "Mr Damaged Goods" again, and again, and again. Labels are pointless. They work both ways. OLD has been around for years, people break up and get back online again. No point singling out "the ones still there" If you are still there. My g/fs and I don't respond to "hi" messages. Not my problem you are tired of sending out 100 "hi" messages a day and get rejected and are bitter about it and so now you couldn't be arsed to put in a sentence of work to spark up conversation. I gave you enough food for fodder in my profile it takes nothing to send me an interesting sentence other than "your pictures are hot, want to chat?" If a guy came up to me at the grocery store and said hi, I'd say hi back and keep walking. If he said to me "I have no idea what to look for when picking out pomegranates, do you?" (this actually happened to me recently) as we are in the produce isle picking out fruit, instant conversation starter and he has my attention. And the hotter the guy the less I am going to respond to a lazy hi. I have 0 interest in guys who solely rely on their looks. This is just "a" female perspective, guys claim the "hi" messages work so give it a shot. 2
Mkn1010 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I just wanted to reiterate the above poster's comments in that I never respond to any 'hi' or 'how are you' messages...ever! Regardless of how hot the guy is! I'm looking for SUBSTANCE. And I get that there's this OLD fatigue that happens and you no longer want to put in the effort required to formulate a personalised message, so then why would any smart woman want to date you while in that un-inspired headspace! 1
Author Tonofbricks Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 I can truly say I never respond with a hi or hello ...have had several women do this , but no one i would consider going out with. I take the time to read if they've written and pick out things that would matter to me and comment. But I guess they get so many re's that they have their pick? Trying hard not to loose my honesty and sincerity.
Grapesofwrath Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 In regards to dating a separated man: 1) It depends how long he has been separated. Ending the legal entanglements of marriage can take years, especially in my state. If he is legally separated (meaning papers are filed) and he has been on his own for at least a year, I think that's fine. 2) Emotionally, it's a different story. Getting separated and divorced is very painful. Most people in this boat are, understandably, not in a position to give very much emotionally to their partner. They are looking for someone who will give to them. Someone to give them affection, sex, attention, validation, and companionship. The question becomes: What are you prepared to give to the one you are dating? If you aren't in a place emotionally to give, then you don't have any business in a relationship. 1
Miss Peach Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I guess the "quality" women you seek, ie those with their act together, will not want to date a separated man. Your wife only left in June 2016, so few women would want to take the risk on you as a serious prospect. They do not want to get involved to find a few months later when they are just getting comfortable, your wife is back on the scene and you want to give your marriage another go, or she finds she is just a rebound so gets dumped in favour of someone else, once you get your head together. Newly separated people are notoriously unreliable. I suggest you look for local places where you can make new friends not lovers and work from there. Totally agree with this. I am someone with my act together and all of the above is why I am being so cautious and non-committal about this guy even though I like him.
TheTraveler Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 So with each no reply I put forth less and less effort. Missed this gem. You get what you put out. Treat each match or profile like a new beginning. 1
Author Tonofbricks Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 Thanks everyone for the enlightening discussion. Old was just getting started when I met my x. When I left the dating scene it was archaic , you actually had to go out and meet people .. at places .. and talk to them..what a concept! I was a little on the shy side so I had some success but ended up with x through mutual friends. I'm 46 now and never thought I'd be doing this again as I'm sure many in this position say. So thank you all for your input even if the info was a tad scary. SKP ... thanks again for your example .. those are words I needed to hear.
OatsAndHall Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 You're going to find that OLD is a huge disappointment, especially if you grew up during the infancy of the Internet social scene. I used to get dates off of AOL and other chat room sites all the time in high school and college. So, I was expecting to have the same when I used OLD. I was thoroughly disappointed. I got dates from using the sites and had a few good dates, some iffy ones and some seriously bad experiences. I had to call the police on a woman after a month of dates because she wouldn't stop showing up at my place at midnight, drunk.. But, I do have some strange insight into a woman's side of things as I have a friend who uses the sites consistently and she has show me her inbox on two sites. Wow, she is absolutely inundated with messages, constantly. Most of these messages are filled with sexual innuendos or just complimenting her appearance. She has told me that her ego became very inflated when she first used the sites as she had never felt so attractive. She had dozens of guys shooting her messages, tried to return most of the messages (even to say, "sorry, not interested) but was still bombarded.. Then she figured out that many of these guys are just looking for sex (hence why you see women plastering that all over their profiles..) so she became pretty spooky about who she went out with. I would like to say that she has just set some high standards for the sites but, to be blunt, she still carries around some arrogance when using it. She showed me a polite message from a guy who is divorced, an accountant, "normal looking", and well-spoken. She told me that she wouldn't date the guy because he doesn't have any full-body pics up so she has "no idea what he looks like". I wanted to blast her over it given that she's in her early forties and isn't a spring chicken. But, I just said that she could be missing out on a good date with a nice guy. So, the sites seem to warp people's view on dating. 1
Weezy1973 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I think the problem for most people is their own expectations. Online dating sites aren't really about dating. They're about meeting people that might end up being compatible to start dating - and most people aren't compatible with each other. Once you adjust your expectations to this reality OLD can be really fun! It certainly was for me... 1
OatsAndHall Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 I think the problem for most people is their own expectations. Online dating sites aren't really about dating. They're about meeting people that might end up being compatible to start dating - and most people aren't compatible with each other. Once you adjust your expectations to this reality OLD can be really fun! It certainly was for me... Yup. I have told women that I try to view OLD the same way I would if I were to meet them haphazardly in the real-world. For example, I was chatting with a woman earlier this week. We have the same sense of humor, we laughed at movie references, talked about life, etc..etc.. I asked her to go out on a date but I stated that I would have asked her out after about an hour of chatting if we had met in the real-world. Haven't heard from her since. Que sera. 1
William Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Folks, after cleaning up a 50 post thread-jack we'll return this to the OP..........which was Tonofbricks for those that didn't know. ~T
Author Tonofbricks Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Folks, after cleaning up a 50 post thread-jack we'll return this to the OP..........which was Tonofbricks for those that didn't know. ~T I'm still here .. glad the question I raised sparked this much discussion. I knew the answer deep down , guess just looking for people who supported my wrong answer. SKP gave excellent simple example of what many other people have been telling me. Get your sh:t together then pursue what you feel you need. Ultimately Ive been told I will view my x leaving as a gift ... free now to obtain the things that I truly deserve.. things that were lacking in my marriage.... while she forges ahead full steam into a new (overlapping ) relationship without ever dealing with what brought about the demise of our marriage. Have delt with one failure couldn't imagine stacking another one on top.... but then again if you just keep jumping from honeymoon phase to another ... you just keep rolling the hurt forward.. But thanks again for those of you who posted and offered your take on things..
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