Deciphering my co-worker

[Obtuse]

So to bring you up to speed while skimping on details, I’ve been working with this girl for roughly a year now. As far as our working relationship goes, the phrase “hot and cold” works best I suppose. Or at least that’s how it was up until 2-3 weeks ago. Since then however she’s been considerably warmer with cold spells seemingly a thing of the past (for now). The dynamics changed after a few cozy, strictly verbal exchanges in which gears shifted and I began to see her in a more positive light. Naturally I became more self-conscious of her, and as a result would catch myself glancing in her direction on more than a few occasions... only to catch her staring back on a few as well. By this point I figured she had perceived some sort of interest on my end, and at worst, would start to distance herself from me. But instead the opposite happened. She’s started to initiate conversations more, her demeanor seems less reserved, and is just overall friendlier. These last few days it’s been especially noticeable with all the held gazes, smiles, and even the seeking out of my opinion on a new hairstyle.

 

One last thing of note: on nights where we both close together, she’ll ask me to walk her to her car at night despite the parking lot being sufficiently lit (imo) and the area relatively safe. She only does this with me as far as I can tell. Then, on top of that, she’ll even offer to drive me to my car since I park on opposite ends of the parking lot. Which sounds completely unnecessary and pretty damn funny when I stop and think about it… In all honesty this whole thing might seem childish -it sure reads that way- but in my defense we’re both young-ish and I’m dumb as hell when it comes to issues like these due to inexperience and the nature of my character. Our turbulent history not doing me any favors either. So that’s why I’m here; seeking out your much needed, outlier opinions.

[TheTraveler]

she’ll ask me to walk her to her car at night despite the parking lot being sufficiently lit (imo) and the area relatively safe. , on top of that, she’ll even offer to drive me to my car since I park on opposite ends of the parking lot. Which sounds completely unnecessary and pretty damn funny when I stop and think about it… In all honesty this whole thing might seem childish -it sure reads that way- but in my defense we’re both young-ish and I’m dumb as hell when it comes to issues like these due to inexperience and the nature of my character. Our turbulent history not doing me any favors either. So that’s why I’m here; seeking out your much needed, outlier opinions.

 

It's okay you're dumb as hell.

 

You have a small window and now you need to make a move. What are you waiting for?

Edited November 29, 2016 by TheTraveler

[Mind-Chants]

Dear "Obtuse" now it's the "Right" time to make "a_Cute" move to "triangulate" her signals.

[kendahke]

So to bring you up to speed while skimping on details, I’ve been working with this girl for roughly a year now. As far as our working relationship goes, the phrase “hot and cold” works best I suppose. Or at least that’s how it was up until 2-3 weeks ago. Since then however she’s been considerably warmer with cold spells seemingly a thing of the past (for now). The dynamics changed after a few cozy, strictly verbal exchanges in which gears shifted and I began to see her in a more positive light. Naturally I became more self-conscious of her, and as a result would catch myself glancing in her direction on more than a few occasions... only to catch her staring back on a few as well. By this point I figured she had perceived some sort of interest on my end, and at worst, would start to distance herself from me. But instead the opposite happened. She’s started to initiate conversations more, her demeanor seems less reserved, and is just overall friendlier. These last few days it’s been especially noticeable with all the held gazes, smiles, and even the seeking out of my opinion on a new hairstyle.

 

One last thing of note: on nights where we both close together, she’ll ask me to walk her to her car at night despite the parking lot being sufficiently lit (imo) and the area relatively safe. She only does this with me as far as I can tell. Then, on top of that, she’ll even offer to drive me to my car since I park on opposite ends of the parking lot. Which sounds completely unnecessary and pretty damn funny when I stop and think about it… In all honesty this whole thing might seem childish -it sure reads that way- but in my defense we’re both young-ish and I’m dumb as hell when it comes to issues like these due to inexperience and the nature of my character. Our turbulent history not doing me any favors either. So that’s why I’m here; seeking out your much needed, outlier opinions.

 

Don't poop where you eat.

 

Leave coworkers alone. It's way easier in the long run when she ends up disappointing you because she's conflicted enough to keep sending mixed signals---which she has been sending you for quite some time now. She will continue to do so until she's resolved what it is that impairs her ability to be consistent in her behavior.

[Miss Peach]

Is she single? IME men who act like that at work are usually married and upping the hot just for an ego stroke because something's going on at home.

[smackie9]

She's hot and cold because she enjoys workplace bonding, but when you get too close for comfort she pulls back....she doesn't want to go there.

 

The parking lot thing is not childish or unnecessary. Women are at risk no matter how well lit an area is. She just offers you a lift because she is being nice.

 

I say you are friend zoned.

 

If she was interested she would suggest doing something outside of work, just the two of you.

[Obtuse]

You have a small window and now you need to make a move. What are you waiting for?

 

I'm just making sure the window is large enough to make it through, man. Or that I even wanna end up on the other side, man.

 

Dear "Obtuse" now it's the "Right" time to make "a_Cute" move to "triangulate" her signals.

 

What is this? Some sort of Star Wars reference?

 

Is she single? IME men who act like that at work are usually married and upping the hot just for an ego stroke because something's going on at home.

 

Yes, she's single and the farthest thing from marriage.

 

Leave coworkers alone. It's way easier in the long run when she ends up disappointing you because she's conflicted enough to keep sending mixed signals---which she has been sending you for quite some time now. She will continue to do so until she's resolved what it is that impairs her ability to be consistent in her behavior.

 

I should probably state that this is a job, not a career if that makes a difference. And tbf, most of the ebb is probably done on my end. I tend to stay distanced in general and pull back any time I (mis)read too much into situations that I've perceived negatively. Due to this the majority of my relationships -romantic or otherwise- progress at a haphazard/slow rate.

 

~snip~

 

I never said the parking lot thing was childish. I meant my inquiry was considering that there are much more obvious signs a woman might throw out and in comparison it feels like I'm asking people to help me grasp at straws. Unnecessary was geared more towards the part where she drives me to my car considering I can manage the 30-50 yard walk just fine.

 

That said, your post still resonates the most. She's never expressed any interest in anything outside of work. In fact contact outside of work is nonexistent. But then again, that may be due to my aloofness. Still I think you're right minus the friend zone part. co-worker zone... or something to that effect...

[TheTraveler]

I'm just making sure the window is large enough to make it through, man. Or that I even wanna end up on the other side, man.

 

Man up and be willing to face rejection. There's nothing more to say here