Mother's influence?

[Hanna23]

So i met this guy last year but we recently didn't start talking till this year a little over a month ago. Our personality's meshed so well together as if we were the same person. Our humor, interests etc We really grew close together and started dating after hanging out twice. We saw each other several times within the span of 4 weeks. Went out on two dates, went over to his place and my place. Just generally enjoyed each other's presence no matter where we were as long as we were beside each other.

 

The problem? A few of his friends and especially his family. The thing is i'm a 21 year old female soon to be 22. He just turned 17. His mother runs his life basically and she has spoke out about our age but he didn't care because we liked each other for who we were. They were pressing us and called us disgusting. The thing is that we did everything respectable and my parents and friends supported us. I wanted to meet his mom so he had me over one day. It didn't go well. All because of my age but i care deeply for her son and no one would ever treat him so good other than me, so she didn't obviously want to get to know me.

 

Several of his friends supported us, my family and my friends except his female best friend/cousin and his mom mainly because of the age and wouldn't get to know me just judged me. He told me he couldn't do nothing about it basically because he lives with his mom. We've both expressed our love and care for each other. I'm technically his 'first love' but we've never had these feelings for anyone ever in our lives. There's just that 'other half' connection that's unexplainable. He treated me like a queen and i felt it everyday made me feel so happy that a guy was finally treating me right. He was the happiest i saw him too. So we continued to talk in secret because we couldn't stand being away from each other.

 

His mom took his phone away after she met me. We got away with it for a bit before one weekend recently i went over to his place because he found where his mom kept his phone and messaged me to come over and it'll be okay. So i went over and she was working and came home while working twice and with a client which she wasn't supposed to. She told me to leave sternly. So i left. That night he sent me two kiss face emojis before his mom came home in the morning. I didn't hear from him the whole day until he read my message that night but didn't say anything (unusual behavior because he always responds to me), then he had school the next day so i messaged him asking if he was okay while he was at school.

 

He was online but didn't read my messages till he left school and left them on read. The next day came and i asked him repeatedly if he was okay because we've both dealt with depression before (i was very depressed by this time without knowing what was going on and was on shaky ground with wanting to hurt myself even it was that bad) and i was generally concerned. Still nothing. My mistake was telling him that i was gonna think about hurting myself. I should have kept those thoughts to myself. Then i saw him online and read my message near closer to dinner time so i messaged him and nothing so i called him on fb wifi and he picked up pretty quickly. There was a long pause. I said hello and he said hey and said he thinks we need to take a break.

 

I said is this because of your mom and he didn't say anything and said that i threatened to hurt myself and that was not okay. His voice was breaking and sounded like he was about to cry. I told him i'd be okay. He said it's in our best interests right now. I said i'll be fine you didn't contact me for 2 days imagine how i felt and then all of a sudden you say this? Is this because of your mom (i asked him again) and there was a long pause and no answer. Then i got a phone call and told him i had to call him back. He said ok (he was about to start crying) and quickly hung up before i could get anything else out. I tried calling him a few times but he wouldn't pick up.

 

Messaged him that i will agree to a break between us and not to worry about me i'll be fine and we'll get through this and that i'd talk to him in a few days and to stay strong. The next morning he saw my message. Deleted me from fb, didn't read any of my future messages, denied my friend request i tried sending him again immediately etc. He wouldn't answer 2 mutual friends that day but read their messages they said. People tagged him in things he didn't answer but to this day (November 28th) he likes a few things on fb but hasn't said too much.

 

Now my question is if i'm overthinking anything or do you think this was his mother's influence and she threatened me with a restraining order or to kick him out or something if he kept talking and dating me? Or do you think he thought we really needed a break for some reason? Or both?

 

P.S I forgot to mention that he has two siblings, one older and one younger and they both had to leave and get away from the house because of her. He has no where to go because he is the only one left in the house with her. She also told him after i met her that he HAS to end things. He said there was no chance of that happening. She got upset with him. He told her to stop treating him like a child.

 

She locked him out of the house. He doesn't have no where to go or else his mother would kick him out.

Edited November 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Miss Clavel]

in my state what you are doing is illegal. you can not pursue a minor. and not respecting what he's told you, that it's over, is kind of creepy.

 

until he's 18, you have to let him be.

 

and you're going to have to accept that in the meantime he might meet someone his own age that he wants to pursue. which happens a lot with younger men, being with an older woman gives them skills and confidence and they go out and use them on someone else.

 

the real issue here is your suicidal ideations, what's up with that? you really want to leave the earth over a boy that even with all the support and love in the world you can't be with for at least two more years?

 

why not stick around and see how this turns out?

[Hanna23]

Yes i understand the whole 18 thing but in less than a year it won't matter. So until then i guess. We weren't doing anything sexual at all but yes i understand. What are you talking about not respecting that it's over? He never told me straight up. He said "We should take a break and work on us as its in our best interests right now" I haven't even messaged him or begged for him back or anything so how is that creepy? As well as i do accept the fact that we both are free to date if we choose.

 

He did say i was the only person to give him that self esteem he never had so i'm glad i gave him that and he's his own person. As for my 'suicidal intentions' i dealt with depression a good part of my life it comes and goes but it was a heat of the moment thing with emotions running high that day. I had went through a lot in the last few months and took it out on him which i shouldn't have done. Neither of us both deserve this hurt right now and maybe we can reconcile when we're both better and stronger people.

 

I appreciate your concern, i've dealt with a lot in my life and sometimes emotions get the better of even the strongest people and we slip up and take it out on the person who cares the most about us. It happens it's life and we just have to take each day as it comes.

Edited November 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator