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Ever fall out of love? If so how did you react to it and why did it happen?

Popbradley

By Popbradley
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Popbradley Member

Popbradley

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While at work today I kept having this thought cross my mind. My ex main reason for leaving is she fell out of love and it was because of arguments we had in the end. Her main claim is she fell out of love with me and from the conversations she had I actually do very much believe she does not love me at all anymore. Saying that I was curious to ask others on here some questions.

 

1. Have you ever fell out of love?

2. If so WHAT does it feel like?

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.)

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something?

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again?

6. How did you go about with the person after? Did you want nothng to do with them? did you feel sorry for them? did you try and stay friends with them?

 

I am curious what others answers will be and figured I could get some other peoples opinions on this and maybe hear a few good stories from others on them going through this. :)

Edited by Popbradley
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Posted

1. Have you ever fell out of love?

 

A number of times. But the longest relationship was that with my ex husband. We were together for about 7 years in total

 

2. If so WHAT does it feel like?

 

My feelings changed from loving all kinds of things about him to wishing that he might magically disappear from my life so that I wouldn't have to end it.

 

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.)

 

I haven't experienced this.

 

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something?

 

His ongoing negativity, social anxiety and self focused attitude mostly. And also the fact that he refused marriage counselling when he knew I was unhappy.

 

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again?

 

There is nothing for me to forgive. I didn't ever hold a grudge.

 

He did promise change (too late for me) but by then I did not want continue with him. Perhaps he could have changed, but I had moved on by then and had zero intention of returning. The grass really was greener. This was nearly 25 years ago now. No regrets on my part.

 

In your situation, I wonder if this woman was one of those you mentioned in a recent thread. Was she one of the women who treated you so badly?

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niji Established Member

niji

Posted
Posted (edited)

1. Have you ever fell out of love?

 

Yes. With someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. Sure, it had some of that first love naivete, but we seriously had very similar core values, and I was very attracted to him for the first year or so.

 

2. If so WHAT does it feel like?

 

It's not a feeling you can pinpoint, but for me I dreaded seeing him and spending time with him, despite him not doing anything (major) wrong and being, in general, a super awesome moral person. I dreaded being physically intimate, and eventually wanted to leave the relationship because I couldn't stand being with someone I didn't enjoy being around.

 

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.)

 

It's... possible. I think there will always be reasons, but maybe the person doing the breaking up doesn't even know themselves as to why they did it. In my case, I tried really hard to pinpoint it; til this day it's hard to say exactly why I got fed up.

 

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something?

 

Definitely us failing to try hard on both parties. I didn't spend much time with him (instead I chose to spend more time with my family during the weekends when weekends were all we had to do things together; we were in school full-time). We let ourselves go, physically (both gained a lot of weight, neglected overall appearance). And that led to (at least me) losing physical attraction towards each other, which is very, very important for a lasting relationship, despite my 17-year-old self thinking otherwise. Doing too much (taking care of too many logistics simply because I did it more efficiently) which led to him doing too little.

 

I feel like these things were definitely fixable. Spending time together more, encouraging each other to be more physically attractive, and letting him know I'm taking care of too many things. Being the type of person he is, I'm sure had I let him known these issues instead of trying to resolve them myself, he would have worked with me to iron things out. In the end, too many things to fix, tired person in 1st relationship ever, too young to have the humility and patience to work it out --> I quit.

 

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again?

 

Yes. There's nothing to "forgive" as he didn't do anything wrong, per se. If anything he let me do too much and I felt I was becoming a mother. Ironically sometimes people like being the doting caretaker then got tired of such role. I was definitely one.

 

6. How did you go about with the person after? Did you want nothing to do with them? did you feel sorry for them? did you try and stay friends with them?

 

I wanted nothing to do with him, because he was still in love with me. We tried meeting up once "as friends"; he ended up pleading with me to give us another chance and bawled in front of me when I had a resolute "no". We could not possibly stay friends if he were to move on (I wouldn't have a problem staying friends because I was over it). I felt terrible breaking up with such a person, but I did it anyway because I was unhappy. I have no regrets as to the decision, but til this day, I wonder if I could have done it in a better, less abrupt way (but then, is dragging it out a good way though?) That was when I learned when a couple breaks up, it's extremely hard to remain friends unless BOTH people are over each other completely, which is rarely the case (unless it's You've got mail :p)

 

I still think of myself as a heartless b**ch sometimes (4 year relationship, ended in 1 day), but if I've learned something, it's to be honest with yourself and others, especially if you respect them. Respect them enough to cut the BS "I still love you but I'm not in love with you", enough to not say "I'm so sorry" when you're not sorry (if you were, you wouldn't break their heart), enough to walk straight away and let them start clean. DO NOT give breadcrumbs, they are the worst enemies of a broken heart (as I've been on the receiving breadcrumbs end myself :) ).

Edited by niji
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Popbradley Member

Popbradley

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Posted
1. Have you ever fell out of love?

 

A a number of times. But the longest relationship was that with my ex-husband. We were together for about 7 years in total

 

2. If so WHAT does it feel like?

 

My feelings changed from loving all kinds of things about him to wishing that he might magically disappear from my life so that I wouldn't have to end it.

 

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.)

 

I haven't experienced this.

 

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something?

 

His ongoing negativity, social anxiety and self focused attitude mostly. And also the fact that he refused marriage counselling when he knew I was unhappy.

 

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again?

 

There is nothing for me to forgive. I didn't ever hold a grudge.

 

He did promise change (too late for me) but by then I did not want continue with him. Perhaps he could have changed, but I had moved on by then and had zero intention of returning. The grass really was greener. This was nearly 25 years ago now. No regrets on my part.

 

In your situation, I wonder if this woman was one of those you mentioned in a recent thread. Was she one of the women who treated you so badly?

 

I guess all of my exes fell out of love in a way BUT this one is my most recent ex yes. She claimed to have fallen out of love with me and can really not tell me why. I tried to figure it out for a long time and I know exactly WHY she fell out of love and it was some underlying arguments we had.

 

I am more at the point I don't know IF I would ever get back but more curious as to what it has felt like for others and how they responded.

 

She acts like it amazing. She acts like I did so many good things for her and was ALMOST the perfect boyfriend. I can respect she fell out of love with me for her own reasons but learning as to why exactly that may actually help with something in the future with her or someone better suited to me.

 

I have just had a hard time trying to figure out why she fell out of love and why SHE feels they are good enough reasons. She claimed so many things when I was leaving and wanted to develop this whole new life and persona but literally changed nothing about herself and still has yet to even attempt a single new thing. Naturally, it can go alone with the whole "its not me it's you" thing." but even just casually talking here and there now It is still the same attitude.

 

You can see she really only thinks positively about me. She see's me as an amazing guy. She remembers all the good times I have had with her and all the love and care I have given her. Claims she herself is unhappy with her life and can't really blame me for past mistakes fully. She has almost panicked about me vanishing from her life but catches herself but really is afraid I will not be apart of her life ever again.

 

So I really am curious why others have been in this situation and learning if others have actually fallen out of love for genuine reasons or if perhaps some people have just fallen out of love for really no reason at all.

 

The physical attraction is their for her. The emotional connection is their for her as well but ultimatly the arguements have blocked all love for me and instead of being angry and hurt now I am more fasinated as to how the human mind can block out those feelings as a way to protect ones mind if you will. She seems exactly the same in almost every way sept the "love" she has for me is really not their and she herself really cannot explain it.

LargoLagg Established Member

LargoLagg

Posted
Posted (edited)
While at work today I kept having this thought cross my mind. My ex main reason for leaving is she fell out of love and it was because of arguments we had in the end. Her main claim is she fell out of love with me and from the conversations she had I actually do very much believe she does not love me at all anymore. Saying that I was curious to ask others on here some questions.

 

1. Have you ever fell out of love?

2. If so WHAT does it feel like?

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.)

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something?

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again?

6. How did you go about with the person after? Did you want nothng to do with them? did you feel sorry for them? did you try and stay friends with them?

 

I am curious what others answers will be and figured I could get some other peoples opinions on this and maybe hear a few good stories from others on them going through this. :)

 

1. Have you ever fell out of love?

YES

 

2. If so WHAT does it feel like?

AWESOME! FREEDOM! It's like waking up from a dream, like everything becoming clearer. It is POWERFUL!

 

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.)

YES. It's not unlike falling in love. You know your girl is not the prettiest, or the funniest, or the nicest or the most whatever. Still, she seems like it. It's irrational, really. Then one day, that feeling goes away. You're back to normal.

 

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something?

No idea.

 

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again?

Yes you can forgive, because when it's all said and done, YOU DON'T REALLY CARE ANYMORE. It is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that you'll ever see them in that way again, but if you do, it will not be because they've done something. It will be because so much time (probably decades) has passed. I doubt it happens much. It never happened to me, not even close.

 

6. How did you go about with the person after? Did you want nothng to do with them? did you feel sorry for them? did you try and stay friends with them? COMPLETELY DISINTERESTED, not because you're angry or bitter or whatever. It's not that you want nothing to do with them, it is that you have no interest whatsoever. More passive than the way "nothing to do with them" sounds. Just pure "who cares". You don't really feel sorry for them either. You don't care enough to feel that way. I did not try to stay friends. Too much effort, too little reward.

 

Great question. If she says that, believe it. Look at a co-worker you're not in love with. That's how she feels about you. Give up now, or give up later. It's up to you.

Edited by LargoLagg
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
While at work today I kept having this thought cross my mind. My ex main reason for leaving is she fell out of love and it was because of arguments we had in the end. Her main claim is she fell out of love with me and from the conversations she had I actually do very much believe she does not love me at all anymore. Saying that I was curious to ask others on here some questions.

 

1. Have you ever fell out of love?

2. If so WHAT does it feel like?

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.)

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something?

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again?

6. How did you go about with the person after? Did you want nothng to do with them? did you feel sorry for them? did you try and stay friends with them?

 

I am curious what others answers will be and figured I could get some other peoples opinions on this and maybe hear a few good stories from others on them going through this. :)

 

1. Yes

 

2. It felt like indifference. I didn't hate him or anything like that, but I wasn't excited about a future together, I wasn't eager to spend time with him, and I really didn't want to be intimate with him anymore. It was a general feeling of boredom and "meh"

 

3. There is usually a reason, but it sometimes isn't something the other person has done/not done. In my case, we were young and I wasn't ready to settle down with just one guy forever. I was curious about other men. Also, this specific ex was happy just sitting around home all the time (we lived together) I wanted to get out and do things sometimes, as a couple, and it was like pulling teeth.

 

4. There was nothing specific that caused it. We just grew up and were going in different directions. We'd had arguments like any couple, but that wasn't the reason. I think we were ultimately not very compatible. He was very much a homebody whereas I was curious about the world, wanted to travel, try new things and so on.

 

5. No, because it wasn't anything specific that he had done. I didn't want him to fundamentally change who he was just to suit me. I slowly realized that our characters were different in a way that wouldn't work long-term. When I ended it, he did try to tell me he'd do more with me, travel with me, and so on. But it was too late anyway. I'd already emotionally left the relationship.

 

6. Yes, I felt awful because I could see how hurt he was. The moving-out process was terrible, for that reason. He called me often after that, and every time, I felt so guilty. He eventually stopped when I told him I'd met someone else. We remained friendly, but not friends. We're from a small town so we ran into each other here and there and kept it civil. But I moved away and we lost touch. Think it's been about 12/13 years now.

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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Posted

1. Have you ever fell out of love? YES.

 

2. If so WHAT does it feel like?

At first, it feels like the feeling you get when you make that first drop in the Tower of Terror at Disney accompanied by some nausea. From there, it's continuous bommbardment of all kinds of other emotions such as guilt, insecurity, melancholy, anger, etc. But, eventually, there is a self-assuring calm. This calm develops after you become satisfied that it is not your fault that it occurred and that you have planned to move forward.

 

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.) I don't believe this happens. There is always a 'reason', however elusive it may be.

 

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something? Essentially, emotional betrayal. Despite almost ALL of the effort on my part to try to bring my ex a better life, being consistent, loyal, supportive, she couldn't keep her past in the past. Other events during the relationship also reinforced my doubts about 'us.' Worse than falling out of love, I lost respect for her. She thought I would be like other guys she had dated, desperate to want to keep her (she was/is a successful professional) b/c she was a highly-paid professional. She should have known better. :rolleyes:

 

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again?

 

It's because I have forgiven(?) I am able to move on with fresh, new outlook.

 

6. How did you go about with the person after? Did you want nothng to do with them? did you feel sorry for them? did you try and stay friends with them? She knows she muffed-up. I am still in periodic contact with my ex. I want her to be okay, but no chance I'd get back together again romantically. I know that she's trying to get her crap together NOW.

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DarrenB Established Member

DarrenB

Posted
Posted

1. Have you ever fell out of love? I'm young, so I've only ever really been in love with a significant other what... twice? I've lost attraction but regained it, a loss of love is different. It's a rarity for myself to see a partner differently to how I see them at the start of an intimate relationship.

 

2. If so WHAT does it feel like? I've had people say and claim they fell 'out of love' with me, so I guess the feelings are relatable from a personal perspective. It doesn't feel great knowing someone of whom you love and adore, is not requited back.

 

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.) Yes, definitely. Not all relationships last, some can end extremely abruptly for no apparent reason, again for promiscuous reasons, abusive reasons or as stated above, a scenario of 'loss of love'. Always be aware of your partner's feelings and emotions because they can change within an instant and all for the worst part of it.

 

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something? Again can only say through someone else's perspective. They claimed that they just 'couldn't love me anymore' and it was like a broken record, hearing it over and over again repeatedly until it was embedded in my brain.

 

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again? Depends on the severity of said thing being forgiven. Some things can be addressed and progressed on, others is just a useless cause. I'd say no.

 

6. How did you go about with the person after? Did you want nothng to do with them? did you feel sorry for them? did you try and stay friends with them? Once again talking from someone else's perspective on me. No they had not tried to remain friends or be civil on any level. They preferred to just eradicate me from their lives completely and I guess it's better off that way for anyone.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Posted
I guess all of my exes fell out of love in a way BUT this one is my most recent ex yes. She claimed to have fallen out of love with me and can really not tell me why. I tried to figure it out for a long time and I know exactly WHY she fell out of love and it was some underlying arguments we had.

 

I am more at the point I don't know IF I would ever get back but more curious as to what it has felt like for others and how they responded.

 

She acts like it amazing. She acts like I did so many good things for her and was ALMOST the perfect boyfriend. I can respect she fell out of love with me for her own reasons but learning as to why exactly that may actually help with something in the future with her or someone better suited to me.

 

I have just had a hard time trying to figure out why she fell out of love and why SHE feels they are good enough reasons. She claimed so many things when I was leaving and wanted to develop this whole new life and persona but literally changed nothing about herself and still has yet to even attempt a single new thing. Naturally, it can go alone with the whole "its not me it's you" thing." but even just casually talking here and there now It is still the same attitude.

 

You can see she really only thinks positively about me. She see's me as an amazing guy. She remembers all the good times I have had with her and all the love and care I have given her. Claims she herself is unhappy with her life and can't really blame me for past mistakes fully. She has almost panicked about me vanishing from her life but catches herself but really is afraid I will not be apart of her life ever again.

 

So I really am curious why others have been in this situation and learning if others have actually fallen out of love for genuine reasons or if perhaps some people have just fallen out of love for really no reason at all.

 

The physical attraction is their for her. The emotional connection is their for her as well but ultimatly the arguements have blocked all love for me and instead of being angry and hurt now I am more fasinated as to how the human mind can block out those feelings as a way to protect ones mind if you will. She seems exactly the same in almost every way sept the "love" she has for me is really not their and she herself really cannot explain it.

 

Popbradley, you're contradicting yourself. You say that you know she left because of all the arguments. Then you say that you don't why she fell out of love. Doesn't it stand to reason that the reason she left is the reason she fell out of love?

 

I'm still curious to know if she's one of the terrible women you described on your previous thread.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

AWESOME! FREEDOM! It's like waking up from a dream, like everything becoming clearer. It is POWERFUL!

 

Oh, Yes! That feeling of freedom is wonderful. It's like the world is full of opportunity again. Terrific new opportunities which aren't all broken.

  • Like 1
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Posted
Popbradley, you're contradicting yourself. You say that you know she left because of all the arguments. Then you say that you don't why she fell out of love. Doesn't it stand to reason that the reason she left is the reason she fell out of love?

 

I'm still curious to know if she's one of the terrible women you described on your previous thread.

 

Further to basil's point OP, you will probably never know with 100% certainty why she left. Most of us don't. It's not something that can always be explained to the dumpee's satisfaction.

 

The truth is that she is probably trying to soften the blow by telling you she's still in love, still attracted to you, and so on. Obviously that isn't the case, or she wouldn't be telling you that she fell out of love. It doesn't mean you aren't attractive, but it means she no longer feels the desire to be your girlfriend.

 

Sometimes two people really aren't a good fit together. A lot of arguing points to a deeper problem with compatibility, usually. It doesn't mean you were totally in the wrong, nor that she was, necessarily. But it does mean you were the wrong match.

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Popbradley Member

Popbradley

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Popbradley, you're contradicting yourself. You say that you know she left because of all the arguments. Then you say that you don't why she fell out of love. Doesn't it stand to reason that the reason she left is the reason she fell out of love?

 

I'm still curious to know if she's one of the terrible women you described on your previous thread.

 

She was not one of the girls I wrote about. I contradict myself because she gave me a reason but it later changes and it really was up to me to try and figure out what the REAL reason was. Only guesses so I assume I know BUT I really do not.

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Popbradley Member

Popbradley

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Further to basil's point OP, you will probably never know with 100% certainty why she left. Most of us don't. It's not something that can always be explained to the dumpee's satisfaction.

 

The truth is that she is probably trying to soften the blow by telling you she's still in love, still attracted to you, and so on. Obviously, that isn't the case, or she wouldn't be telling you that she fell out of love. It doesn't mean you aren't attractive, but it means she no longer feels the desire to be your girlfriend.

 

Sometimes two people really aren't a good fit together. A lot of arguing points to a deeper problem with compatibility, usually. It doesn't mean you were totally in the wrong, nor that she was, necessarily. But it does mean you were the wrong match.

 

Trust me. I assumed she said all the nice things to me after and continued to do it because she wanted to soften the blow. I just wanted others to feedback as I would like to know how others had felt in the same position but the other side. Maybe get some actual honest opinions instead of the sugar coated garbage that was being fed to me.

 

Again though about the arguing subject. I just do not agree and never will. That is my opinion and opinion of many other people. Just like many other people think arguing = an unhealthy relationship. Everyone argues and I know basil says they do not argue in their relationship but I think that is very much not the norm. People clash no matter what it's just the degree to which they clash that makes or breaks a relationship.

 

Naturally, it is just my opinion but I have seen many bad bad relationships go the distance that others would classify as "miss matched".

 

Not really why I started the thread, though. She clearly does not want to be with me and I cannot change that but I can maybe learn something and put it to my next relationship instead of crying about it and learning nothing.

Standard-Fare Established Member

Standard-Fare

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Posted

You have to keep in mind that in most cases when someone reaches the point of wanting to break up, it's been on their mind for a while before they bring that action to the surface. (That's assuming the person isn't known for being totally irrational and impulsive.)

 

So it isn't like one morning they wake up and all the loving feelings have suddenly disappeared without warning. For most people, falling out of love is a gradual internal process that they struggle and fight with until they accept the inevitable conclusion. And once they do reach that conclusion, it's impossible to shake, and it would only hurt BOTH parties to pretend things are just going along fine.

 

I've been on the receiving end of this before — watching someone fall out of love with me. I noticed small things over time, like he stopped doing the sweet little things for me he'd done before, his contact became more sporadic, and he'd zone out a lot when I was talking. Most of all, I noticed a certain spark missing from his eyes when he looked at me.

 

It's incredibly painful. But the truth is it's degrading to be in a relationship with someone who's lost their fire for you — it puts you in a passive, needy, desperate role and whatever you do, you can't fix it. So it's better off for things to end when that happens.

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Popbradley Member

Popbradley

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You have to keep in mind that in most cases when someone reaches the point of wanting to break up, it's been on their mind for a while before they bring that action to the surface. (That's assuming the person isn't known for being totally irrational and impulsive.)

 

So it isn't like one morning they wake up and all the loving feelings have suddenly disappeared without warning. For most people, falling out of love is a gradual internal process that they struggle and fight with until they accept the inevitable conclusion. And once they do reach that conclusion, it's impossible to shake, and it would only hurt BOTH parties to pretend things are just going along fine.

 

I've been on the receiving end of this before — watching someone fall out of love with me. I noticed small things over time, like he stopped doing the sweet little things for me he'd done before, his contact became more sporadic, and he'd zone out a lot when I was talking. Most of all, I noticed a certain spark missing from his eyes when he looked at me.

 

It's incredibly painful. But the truth is it's degrading to be in a relationship with someone who's lost their fire for you — it puts you in a passive, needy, desperate role and whatever you do, you can't fix it. So it's better off for things to end when that happens.

 

No, I know. Trust me I did my research when it happened and came to the conclusion You really CANNOT do anything to make the person fall back in love and when it happens it for sure is not sudden.

 

That is why I asked this question to better understand the process people have and the one thing that still alluded me was IF one could fall back in love with the same person YEARS later if the problems causing the breakup had gone away.

 

my ex actually is very immature and doesn't really know what she wants out of life and when we had a heart to heart before I left and 2 months after leaving and she said "IDK what's wrong with me. I cannot pinpoint what's wrong with me. I miss you so bad it hurts but I feel like I need to let you go. At least for now." I actually believed she REALLY does not know 100% what happened. I know she had fought with it but I came to the conclusion that it was the arguments in the end by myself and really had no help from her on the matter.

 

I believe when you fall out of love you will ALWAYS need a reason but I know I will never get the full reason. At this point though I am curious if partners actually can fall back into love once those issues are gone. All the problems we did have came down to one thing I believe, though. Immaturity on both sides.

 

I honestly do respect her decision and I have not even tried to argue with her about her decision for a couple months now. Recently started talking again after me not having any contact with her for a couple months and she seems almost exactly the same. Confused about what she wants and needs to make her happy. I honestly am still not sure if I was even the sole reason for her being unhappy and I actually do believe she is mostly just wanting to be alone.

 

I am pretty much just taking one day at a time but mostly I believe it is better to understand a subject fully and research it and figure out the possibilities then it is to actual take it on the nose and move past it without any desire to better yourself and improve the situation for yourself.

Kayley Established Member

Kayley

Posted
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1. Have you ever fell out of love? I think so...I'm not sure I ever really loved him but I think I did.

2. If so WHAT does it feel like? I just didn't want to be around him anymore, I'd look for every reason not to see him, I didn't want to talk to him, didn't want him to touch me

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.) I don't know

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something? He was emotionally abusive and this had begun to get physical...I guess I started to see him for what he was

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again? I'd never be able to forgive him for what he put me through

6. How did you go about with the person after? Did you want nothng to do with them? did you feel sorry for them? did you try and stay friends with them? I wanted nothing to do with him, it had taken me a year to get the courage to leave him and not be manipulated back

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Popbradley Member

Popbradley

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Posted
1. Have you ever fell out of love? I think so...I'm not sure I ever really loved him but I think I did.

2. If so WHAT does it feel like? I just didn't want to be around him anymore, I'd look for every reason not to see him, I didn't want to talk to him, didn't want him to touch me

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.) I don't know

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something? He was emotionally abusive and this had begun to get physical...I guess I started to see him for what he was

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again? I'd never be able to forgive him for what he put me through

6. How did you go about with the person after? Did you want nothng to do with them? did you feel sorry for them? did you try and stay friends with them? I wanted nothing to do with him, it had taken me a year to get the courage to leave him and not be manipulated back

 

Hi kayley. Thank you for responding. I had a question if you don't mind me asking. What do you mean by he was "emotionally abusive"?

Kayley Established Member

Kayley

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Hi kayley. Thank you for responding. I had a question if you don't mind me asking. What do you mean by he was "emotionally abusive"?

 

By emotionally abusive I mean demeaning me for my opinions, being controlling - not wanting me to go anywhere without him, showing up places I did go without him, basically making out I needed his approval to do anything, belittling all my achievements or things I wanted to do, manipulating, he accused me of cheating once because he showed up at my house at 7am & I didn't answer the door because I was asleep, things went wrong in his life it was my fault, sharing things I told him in confidence with others, the list is endless really...it's not something I like to talk about.

 

 

Then when we split up he told lies about me to all our mutual friends, something I didn't find out for quite a while.

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Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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1. Have you ever fell out of love?

 

Yes. I've only been really in love twice in my lifetime and have only fallen out of love with my one person, my ex- hubby of 20 years.

 

2. If so WHAT does it feel like?

 

How do you think it feels? It's a horrible feeling when you suddenly realize you no longer are in love with someone you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. There is a lot of guilt especially if children are part of the equation.

 

3. Do you think you can fall out of love for no real reason? (im talking a relationship that has lasted over 3 years and got out of the honeymoon faze if you will.)

No. I can't imagine you can just fall out of love and if you can then perhaps you weren't really in love to begin with.

 

4. What caused you to fall out of love if it was something?

 

It was a hundred little things that grew into big things over the course of many years together. At some point you just get tired of it all.

 

5. Do you think if you were able to forgive the person for what they did in the past and see genuine change in them that you could fall in love with them again?

 

Yes, absolutely. I've never had a cheating partner so that may help with being able to forgive more easily. I can't say the same thing had he'd been cheating. I also think there comes a point when you finally leave and are on your own and see how much better life can be, you gain a better perspective of what was and are able to look back and realize they loved you the best they could at the time, right or wrong.

 

Besides, true forgiveness is more for us then it is for them.

 

6. How did you go about with the person after? Did you want nothng to do with them? did you feel sorry for them? did you try and stay friends with them?

 

My ex hubby and I are the best of friends now. After we separated, we realized we were much better friends than we ever were as husband and wife. It helps to have 20 years of history together I suppose. It also helps that we BOTH wanted to salvage a friendship if only for our friends and family and we both work it at it everyday. We still have love for each other but it's familial love, no longer romantic love.

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