Why do I even want my ex back?!?!

[Spork1997]

I'm sorry if this get long but I have some venting to do... my girlfriend broke up with me and I am upset but when I look back I get mad that I put up with so much to get heart broken in the end. We were together nearly 1.5 years, and is was a rocky relationship. When things were good I have never been more in love and happier but it was always short lived. I am going to explain some things that have happened during my relationship that when I say them out loud I get mad at my self. Now I would like to think that I am understanding and forgiving and I think I am... but there is just some basic respects that need to be in a relationship... but let me start from the beginning some. Met my girl st the gym and we hit it off very quickly. First date went great and so forth and we progressed VERY quickly. But it felt natural. My first sign was when talking to her about her ex husband that she was separated from for many months she told me she only married him 3 years ago to get citizenship to the US. She is from Greece. And she said they fought all the time and he was crazy jealous and all this isn't stuff. She also told me that what caused there breaking up was he found it she cheated on him and was lying about it for many months. ( I know red flag #1) but back to the story. Everything was good with us and we connected great. Then one day after after about 1.5 months we discussed about meeting up later and she does not show so I call and her phone is turned off or dead. So I figure ok. Habe she fell asleep of something. Call again later and nothing. Call next morning and nothing. Call next afternoon and nothing. So I get worried and drive by her apartment and her car is there by when I knock no one answers... finally a few hours later she texts me like everything is normal. I call her and she says she was depressed and turned her phone off and just stayed in her room. I tried to believe her but I couldn't sona day or two later I gonthru her phone (which I know is wrong. It something wasn't right) and j see texts about how she was with a guy she was dating before me at his house for 2 days. I confront her and she admits to it and j leave... she begs me to come back so I figure that we haven't been together that long so it's better to just get it out of her system. Ow rather then later. We continue and everything keeps goign great... now that was the first major incident. Here is a lol description of my ex. She is very jealous. I mean very jealous. Like I can't go to the gym without her jealous. And she is very sneaky and u have to ask her a question to get a complete answer. And she has a anger issue for sure and is rather controlling and has no patience at all... but back to the story. I'm going to fast forward the next things but I will get the idea... we were together 1.5 years and she has never put a picture of us on her facebook. She will actually cut me out of pictures and then out of just her when we go do things like skiing or trips or whatever. So I asked her about it and she has had excuse after excuse why she won't do it. Mostly she says she doesn't want people to know her personal business and that she dormant want people from her home cojntry to know about me cause they mite think bad if her for getting divorced. I try to give it time and to compromise on the thing but she wouldn't budge. And never did.... next we have her family. Her sister knows about me and her cousin but that is it. Her family lives in a different country but hey talk often and she has told me that her dad brother and mom don't bei about me cause she doesn't want them to get depressed if it doesn't work or some other excuses most of the time. Actually if her parents call her and we are together I have to either be quite so they don't hear me or she will walk away from me and talk to them. I brought it up to her that the bothers me as she will not work with me. Next is that she talks to soooo many other men on messanger all the time. I mean talks to like whoever friends her and talks for like weeks and hours. And it wouldn't bother me as much but I ask her that if when theyse Guys are hitttinf on her ( cause that is always what it is and she kind of flirts back some) why doesn't she say she has a boyfriend and she says cause she doesnt want people in country to know about us cause they mite think bad if her and her family. So we would argue about this and til I just give up. Now let me just say this... these talks we have about these things turn into huge fights cause as soon as I would try to defend my side of the situation or tell her how I feel she tells me I wrong and I shouldn't feel that way or that this is just how it is going to be... she has a things about not being controlled. If I say something to her and she doesn't TOTALLY agree she will fight me to the end and defend it even when she knows she is wrong. An example of this is when she came home a few times from work telling me about how a couple co workers keep hitting on her and asking her to drinks and dinners and all. So I say to just tell them that u appreciate the offer but u have a boyfriend and it wouldn't be right. I even said that u don't have to even say u have a boyfriend just when they ask u what u did last weekend just say u went it with the boyfriend just so they know and will hopefully stop. She immidiatly says no she is not going to say that and gets an attitude. I ask her why and she gives some crazy excuse like what if they are asking her out to drinks cause they want to be friends and she will feel stupid telling them she has a boyfriend or that they should already know she does so she not going to say she does. Or something like that. So I the coming weeks the guys continue to message her and ask her out and all til I get fed up and tell her to stop this and to tell her she has a boyfriend and she says no so we argue about it for a few days her always making some crazy excuse til I finally just give up and move on... next is that I take her everywhere with me. But she never invites me anywhere with her... and j don't mean like invites me with her and the girls j mean to like parties she gets invites to or even a party she had at the house. She never invites me and if I actually ask her to come she gets an attitude and makes me feel bad for making her invite me. And she would always say that she doesn't want people to know her personal life. But ehen I ask her if they know she has a boyfriend she says they do so I ask why can't I come then and she gets pissy and makes me feel like she is hiding me or something. So these where some of the problems we had in the beginning and middle of our relationship which still existed til the end but I just decided it was better to not bring them up cause all it did was cause fights... she is very stubborn. Our first xmas, birthday, V day and a few over occasions she never got me a card. She would get me a lackluster gift that was bought the day of and still in the shopping bag. But no card... so I told her that the gift was nice but a sweet card would of really made it special. And I am into romance. I get cards, leave sweet letters for her. The whole nine yards. So when mentioned the card thing to her Jahr would just say that she doesn't really do cards. So issued a few other things to her about it and left it alone. And she didn't change. She didn't get me a card til our anniversary and she even admjttted that she bought it right before I picked her up. Now it was a nice card but I should of had to argue with her the last 3 holidays about it. But whatever... she was not a great girlfriend... she was very touchy feely and sweet when we were cuddling and all. Ur she never tried to take care of me. And I'm not saying that like a woman's job is to take care of a man. But I treated her like a princess. And I mean like a princess. And she never really seemed that grateful and she neve did anything special for me. She didn't even do like normal stuff. And when I would bring it up to her that I feel like she is. It putting any effort into our relationship she would blame it on that she is depressed and not normal inside of herself so that's why she can't act normal or something like that... so I continued to try to work with her through it. But it took a toll on me... now we are closer towards the end. The last 4 months or so... she started a new position at work. She is a poker dealer at a casino. And she works on tips. So I told her to go ahead and be lil flirty and all but don't take it too far and don't exchange numbers and bring any of that stuff home. And she agreed. So I thought all was good. So after a some time she starts to tell me about how these players are giving her there numbers on prices of paper and tipping her big. I don't think anything of it till I see all the numbers sitting on her dresser one day when we are hkuse cleaning. So I ask her if she wants me to throw them away and she gets an attitude and says no leave them. So I ask her why and we get into a fight and the numbers stayed there till we broke up some 4 months later. And when I would bring up that it kind of bothered me she would call me stupid and says it should bother me.... so I tell her one time I am going to play at her casino while she is working and she tells me I can't go there cause she doesn't want people to know we are together cause she doesn't want them to know her personal business. Obviously this kind of sat bad with me cause this has been and issue with us before so I try to talk to her about it and she gets mad.... with me ex whenever I would express any kind of conflicting idea or try to have a constructive conversation anitnsoemtjung she would get mad and it would usually end up wtb her throwing a temper tantrum. Next we have a time when she tells me that this guy from work invited her one his boat tomorrow. I ask

Who is he and if she knows him. She forgets his name and doesn't know him or whoever else is going. I say to her that I'm not really comfortable with u going on a boat drinking all day with a bunch of random guys that u don't really know... we argue about it some and that's it... the next day she texts me and says she is getting ready to go out on boat. & ask who is all going and she names 5 guys and 2 girls. And she knows none of these people at all. I tell ask her if she would be ok if I was going on a boat with a bunch of girls and I know she wouldn't be cause she is crazy jealous. She gets mad and throw another tantrum but ends up not going after she makes me feel like **** for saying that I don't like that... and then we get to the ending time.. she is texting like crazy one nite in her phone and I mean like non stop so I ask her who it is and she tells me that it is a poker player from her work. And I say I thought we had a deal if no exchanging numbers and she makes some excuse like he made her take it or something like that... and he is 45 and she is 26. So I think it is a lil inappropriate any way. But whatever I kind of let it go so I don't come across to controlling well it all went down from there. Now yes we were having some problems but we were still very much in love and passionate with eachother. She starts getting really sneaky with her phone and all. So I ask her straight if something is up with this older guy. She says ofcoarse not and that she just wants some friends. Cause she doesn't have any friends. Atleast no girl friends, the only friend she would ever get is just some guys who are talking to her trying to get with her and she kinds of just talks to them or whatever... so one day I call her and no answer so I wait a few hours and text her and no response so I wait a few hours again and call her and she answers and sounds flustered. I can here commotion in the back ground so I ask her where she has been all morning I tried getting ahold of her. She said she was getting ready cause she is going for lunch with that guy. I ask her the where she is and she says that she is walking it if parking garage to meet him. So I am pretty kissed that she didn't discuss this with me and that she is going or with a player form her work which was against our agreement. But stay calm and tell her i will see her after I get of work and I don't here from her for 5 more hours while I'm still working... so she I get off I go to her apartment and her car is there but she is not. I call her and she texts me back saying we is at ge spa with this guys and some of his friends. And I kind of flip out on her and she says she can't understand why I am mad. So o viously we get in a big fight and she says she just wants friends and that she doesn't like this guy at all... so I say that she has to communicate with me better and keep his on a friendly basis. And going to a spa together is NOT ok. She agrees and we try to move on... then a few weeks later she works at night and is due home at 10 in morning but doesn't come home and she is. It responding to me for 5 hours. I am worried if she is ok mostly and then 5 hours after she got off work she calls me and j ask her where she was and she says she went o breakfast with this guys and walked around the mall but she forgot her phone in her car and they both drove in hers... well I lost it. And she again tried to say she doesn't understand why I am mad and makes it like no big deal. Well e broke up that nite. And we were trill talking cause she said she still loved me but was confused and I later find it that after we broke up she was kissing this guy and basiscally talking to him like they were together while me and her were still having sex and trying to work out our problems after our break up and even worse was that I asked her straight up the day before I found out if she kisses him and she promised she didn't and got mad that I kept asking her... well once I find out the truth from going through her phone again when she was sleeping (which again I know is wrong but I didn't believe her) . I confront her and she says that she is lost and being stupid and that she doesn't know why she did it and why she lied, that she loves me so much and he means nothing. So We get in big fight and ends with her telling me to leave and that she never wants to speak to me again... there are a few other thing that happen that made me scratch my head in disbelief about her but i can't remember now... so after reading all of this and I thank u of u did why do I still want her back and do I think I was wrong in ring upset about these things and firghting with her.. cause part of her reason for e ding it was that we fought a lot which I told her that if she didn't do bad things we wouldn't fight and that I make her few like **** when I talk to her about bad stuff. -and she says that cause whenever I would ask her why she does these messed up things she would say "I don't know" like a kid or make some crazy excuse or say I shouldn't be mad and I should understand... but I know I'm not wrong on all of them and yes maybe I could be a lil understanding but when I would talk to her she would NEVER compromise and would always get mad when I would prove a point for my side of the arguement. Now I was no saint. I never did anything like this to her and u was always very respectful cause I knew she was the jealous type but there was some things that I could of been better at and could of been more understanding. But overall I gave her my all and put as much effort and love into our relationship as I had. I mean I helped this girl with so much. I mean so much. She was a constant complainer and everything was a big deal to her. So I did a lot and spoiled her. And after all that she still left And tried to blame it on me in a way... SO WHY DO I STILL WANT HER BACK?!?!!

[Spork1997]

I didn't proof read any of that before I posted it. I apologize for the grammar and jumping around a lot but I just was so mad I posted it... hopefully u can get through it and understand it enough.

[fromheart]

This is very difficult to read without paragraphs. Please edit and add some paragraphs and spaces.

[Raena]

It's very difficult to read a giant wall of words like that.

 

The general gist I get is that she isn't telling others that you two are dating and doesn't treat you as if you are special.

 

It seems to me that she is a selfish person and probably not the right girl for you. She's cheated in the past and was chatting it up and flirting with other men while she was with you. Those are huge red flags... like slap you in the face red flags.

 

Maybe you miss the idea of being in a relationship with her and that's why you want her back but she doesn't sound like a good choice for you. Go no contact with her and move on with your life. You sound like a decent person, I'm sure there is someone else out there who would be a better fit for you.