Where do I go from here?

[Runnerred]

I'm going to keep things simple as best as I can, as right now, I'm very confused by this whole situation, and not entirely sure where my head is at, and what the best thing is to do for both parties. I would welcome responses and advice though.

 

The longest of stories begins about 10 years ago, when I met a girl. There was an immediate connection, mutual attraction, flirting, playfulness, a definite and lasting something. But nothing happened between us, as I was in a relationship, and although I have plenty of failings, loyalty and honesty don't form part of that flawed list.

 

So it was to be, we remained good friends, despite this connection. Then she entered into a relationship; and I had to back away from the friendship to a degree, although never outwardly; as I found it painful to see her essentially with someone else. For my own sake.

 

It wasn't long after this that my own relationship broke down, and I found myself single, whilst hers was still flourishing, and I maintained my distance; although there was irregular contact, friendly things, as above all, we remained very good friends. A few years later and her relationship broke down, and we met up, the first time in a long time.

 

I of course met with my own intentions in mind, but these were left unsaid, due to the fear of rejection, as I had hoped for a relationship with her for effectively years. I missed my chance; not long after our meeting, she entered into a relationship with someone else, and I retreated back into background, again due to the pain that seeing her with someone else was causing me.

 

This brings us to recent times, me still being single and her latest relationship broke down. We met up again, and a few more times; dates effectively, and we decided to give it a go. Although initially hesitantly on her part, wanting to take things slowly, which I agreed to.

 

I couldn't have been happier. Nobody who walked this earth could be as happy as I was at that point. Finally, after so many years, my soulmate and I were together. It was just a matter of time, but we got there in the end.

 

And then things shuttled along at full speed, she uploaded pictures of us together on FB, changed our relationship status, and declared her love for me to the world.

 

Days were happy, full of laughter, stupidity, exploration, discussing future plans together, meeting one and others families, so many people exclaimed how good we were together, and how happy we appeared to be.

 

Then one afternoon, 2 months into our new relationship, I received a message. She needed a break for a few weeks. We weren't breaking up, but everything was happening way too quickly for her, and she needed to sort her head out for a while. Intentions and future plans were still the same, she just needed some time to focus. Feelings remained the same, still full of adoration, so there ought to be nothing to worry about; the intention was that we would be together.

 

I reluctantly agreed, based on those words. It wasn't easy at all engaging in NC - which lasted 4 days, until I received the next message. The break up message. Again full of adoring words, but at the moment, due to her needing time to focus on herself, she wasn't able to give herself to anyone else, and suggested that perhaps the best thing I ought to do was move on, as it would't be fair on me to wait for her to be in a position to be able to love someone else again.

 

Despite my efforts to reach out to her, to offer support in whatever capacity she needs it, responses have been minimal and somewhat flat.

 

I would wait, I will wait - I believe she is my soulmate, and nobody else would ever compare and taking her messages to me at face value, she does feel the same, but just isn't ready to commit to anyone right now, until she's able to resolve her self esteem issues. I've had other short relationships over the years after my own break up, but none of them compared.

 

My question is really, what now? Where do I go with this. I absolutely adore this woman, and she had told me that she adores me to. She's not asked me to leave her alone, so I message occasionally, all friendly and somewhat affectionless as I don't want to force anything upon her which is unwelcome and unhelpful. I genuinely want to remain in contact with her to help her through her issues if she needs me to.

 

She is completely consuming my every thought, and I simply don't know where to go with this right now.

 

Your comments would be welcomed.

 

Thank you

 

Runnerred

[salparadise]

When people say they need a break but nothing has changed, they're not being truthful to you, perhaps not to themselves either. People who are enthusiastic about their partner don't need breaks to sort themselves out, they want to be with that person as much as possible.

 

The only conclusion that make sense is that she doesn't want a relationship with you. I"m sure she still likes you and is trying to spare your feelings, but when you reach out and all you get is a flat response, that's your answer. All you can do is accept it and try to move on with your life. It's painful. I wish there were something encouraging I could say, but I think you have to let her go as hard as it may be.

 

I suggest not remaining in contact or trying to be friends. That will keep you stuck. No contact, removal of pictures and mementos is best. Time heals. Also realize that there isn't just one person in the world for us –– you absolutely can love others and you should try to be positive and hopeful about the future.

[LargoLagg]

The only correct response to a break up message is

 

OK

 

Don't even waste the bandwidth on the ending period.

 

So she adores you, huh? She has a funny way of showing it, my friend. I've been adored by women, and they never acted anything like that. They acted more like how you're acting.

 

I would suggest that you mirror her behavior and let this one go. She's either lying to you, or she has issues that prevent her from acting normally. You can't win with someone like that.

[Frozensushi]

Your story reminded me of my current Ex. I had met her 10 years ago, love at first site, we became good friends but she was taken. I had thought about her for years and years. Built her up in my mind. I finally got the chance, and like you, I fell in love, thought she was my soulmate. She was the woman of my dreams. I've never felt like that for anyone in my entire life. It was amazing.

 

Well, the woman I fell in love with, was just a figment of my imagination that I created. The real person turned out to be a nightmare. Almost brought me to ruin. haha.

 

Not saying this is true in your case, but I'm pretty sure, just like I did, you put this woman on a pedestal. She obviously isn't who you thought she was by the way she dumped you.

 

I wanted so much for my Ex to be 'the one', but it just didn't happen. Accepting that she wasn't who I thought she was and the imaginary woman I coveted for years would never be in my life really tore me up. I lost her, but I never really had her to begin with.

 

I realize now that she's just a person. There are millions of women out there. Somewhere out there someone is looking for me and I won't give up till I find her.

 

Your dream girl is gone too, unfortunately. You need to walk away with your dignity and self-respect intact. I'm sorry it happened, but that's life. One day you wake up and find out Santa Clause isn't real, but you carry on and still enjoy Xmas.

 

Good luck.

[fromheart]

Runnered, I'm going to be really direct here.

 

She dumped you after 2 months. This is not your dream girlfriend. This is way too soon to be committing yourself the way you have been.

 

8 weeks of fun, some good memories. You are now an option to her, a back up plan.

 

Move on and only give your emotion to someone who is also sharing their emotion with you.