biggie Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 Hey guys, I was hesitant at first to sign up but I really need the support, I'm slowly breaking. I apologize this in advance if this post is long but I really need help, please. So I have been with my gf for about a year and we really liked each other and went on vacations and were in love. We took a break 2 times. She loved me but said that she felt like I was closed off and didn't do everything she did for me. But I did alot too but in other ways. She claimed she snuck me in her house but I didn't but I also had a few family problems. But I always have her rides and helped her whenever she needed help. I was a great bf. A few months in we went on our first break because she wanted to find herself but after awhile if no contact she came back and said she missed me so we got back together. Soon after she got a job and started acting different and she said again that I was boring and she lost feelings but I think it was cause she was very stressed working long hours and family problems. She said that she wanted me to cheat on her to see if she loved me and see if she would get jealous. unfortunately one day when I was driving back after seeing her I got into a accident. she was so worried and cried when she found out and she said she loved me and never wanted to lose me and she asked me out again. We were so happy and she loved me to death but this was very short lived. She claimed that she never had a guy like me cause all her exes were mean. Her sister and bf got into a fight in which I was called and I was confused because I didn't know what happened. all I could hear on the phone was crying and yelling by her sisters bf. Yesterday she left me because she said I was a pussy cause I didn't stand up to her sisters bf when they fought but the truth was that I didn't wanna pick a side cause idk what happened. She said she lost feelings and couldn't lead me on anymore and didn't wanna see me. I said let's meet up and talk but she kept denying. I miss her so much and the thought of her not missing me and caring hurts me. I can't see her with someone else and I need help. Why is she doing this? I want her back so badly and I'm willing to do anything. I want her to miss me and realize what she lost cause I was so good to her. I drove 1 hr to drop her to work abd pick her up and took her to the doctors. I also took her shopping and always supported her when she had family problems. She said I was too nice and I needed to stand up to her cause she likes mean guys. Please help me I'm a mess, I can't sleep or eat. 1
Satu Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 I sympathise with your pain but, this relationship has been far from healthy. Tough love: You should stop focussing on your perceived failings and try to realise that she's been a lousy girlfriend, who's treated you like dirt. You are twisting yourself like a pretzel, trying to be 'good enough' for her. It will get you nowhere. It never does. Find your self respect and dignity. You need those more than you need her. Take care. 6
Onekey Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 This will never work out. It would be best to make some distance and keep it until the longings wear off which they will. 1
BAcK Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 Losing feelings for someone can be acceptable but in you case she is just playing around. Sometimes i would wonder what if I had been the guy she described she wanted when she broke up with me. I then realized that no matter what i would have done she would have found an excuse to break up with me. This is exactly what is happening to you. Don't let her control your life. You deserve better and not someone who finds flaws in everything you do. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 This girl is just a jerk. Your relationship was very unhealthy, and believe me when I say that when we ladies are in love, we don't need breaks and we certainly don't tell our partners to cheat! I hope she is really young because she sounds very immature. You need to try to forget about her. You were in love, but she wasn't. You weren't a bad boyfriend, but she was a craptastic girlfriend. When you finally detach from her, you will see that she's no prize and you're much better off without her. 1
Been Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 Don't ever let someone change who you are. If your a gentleman stay that way. Trying to be something your not-mean guy-is just going to end up with you losing yourself. Always be true to yourself. 1
Author biggie Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 thank you guys so much for the replies, i appreciate it alot. Update: we met up and ended it in person and she said she never wants to be with me and she doesn't like me at all as i told her to leave me car. she gave alot of attitude. I was so sad driving back home. As a result, i initiated the NC rule which lasted for about a day. She msged me at night saying that she didnt wanna end it badly and didnt want us to hate eachother. I said that i dont hate her and i did admit that i was clingy and insecure which i was but i always did trust her. i was only insecure because of my previous relationship which ended badly. my ex cheated and lost feelings as well. But anyways, she said that we can work on it and she feels so weird because im not in her life because she is so use to me. she wants to talk even if i find someone else but i told her i wont be finding anyone soon. i miss her so much, i try so hard to not think about her but something always reminds me of her. after i admitted that i was insecure she said we can maybe work out if i fix myself but she doesn't want me to stay attached if we dont. she said she keeps thinking about when we met and all our memories. She also stated that she wants to talk and chill once in awhile. Honestly i dont know what this means but I have hope that shell come back but i dont know if its false hope. Im a mess its hurts so much because i still do love her but she doesnt feel the same.
spiderowl Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 She might want to stay in touch with you and is holding out a thread of hope with this 'we can work on things'-type message, but do not be fooled, she is not offering a relationship again. She has said she doesn't like you. That is not the kind of thing a nice person would say. You need to take a step back and realise that she is a selfish, manipulative woman who thinks little of your feelings. It sounds to me like you have great qualities, loving, kind, sincere. When you have managed to get this woman out of your system, you will make a great boyfriend for some lovely girl. This one is not worth it. When we date someone, we 'bond' emotionally and physically, but this bond does wear off and it is possible to develop a different bond with someone else. This is what you need to remember when you are feeling drawn towards her. It will wear off in time. No contact will help that process. You have so much to offer the right girl.
Hoosfoos Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 She is an idiot, you're better off without her and the sh it testing would only continue had you stayed together.
Sweetfish Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) So are you clingy and insecure? Don't get me wrong.. this is the typical person who only lives for bad relationships, so she has to be in a constant state of push and pull to exercise her emotions... just as a drug addict mixes uppers and downers for the "effect" DO not get with this girl again... But do work on your insecurities. Work on you. Be a better person on your accord. So finally you have some alone time to think about your self. This girl is absolutely toxic and you need to ask your self why are you bothering with this abuse. Because she is literally abusing you. Edited November 30, 2016 by Sweetfish
Author biggie Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 I was abit insecure but I never started fights and I have become a better person I am not clingy and insecure anymore cause this break up taught me a lot. But for some reason I always have hope and she always says good morning and msgs me and when I don't reply she blows up my phone saying hi hi hi hi hi hi talk to me, reply to me. Idk what that means. Do you guys believe there is hope and she will realize what she lost? Maybe her feelings will come back because she said she will always have something for me. I have already started becoming a better person which will maybe make her realize.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Honestly? She sounds mentally unstable. You are not going to get a loving, secure and healthy relationship from her.
Sweetfish Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 I was abit insecure but I never started fights and I have become a better person I am not clingy and insecure anymore cause this break up taught me a lot. But for some reason I always have hope and she always says good morning and msgs me and when I don't reply she blows up my phone saying hi hi hi hi hi hi talk to me, reply to me. Idk what that means. Do you guys believe there is hope and she will realize what she lost? Maybe her feelings will come back because she said she will always have something for me. I have already started becoming a better person which will maybe make her realize. God no! Don't take her back 1
Zahara Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 I was abit insecure but I never started fights and I have become a better person I am not clingy and insecure anymore cause this break up taught me a lot. But for some reason I always have hope and she always says good morning and msgs me and when I don't reply she blows up my phone saying hi hi hi hi hi hi talk to me, reply to me. Idk what that means. Do you guys believe there is hope and she will realize what she lost? Maybe her feelings will come back because she said she will always have something for me. I have already started becoming a better person which will maybe make her realize. It's because you are her crutch. Nothing more. She needs attention, and she knows you weak for her, so she uses you to boost her ego. No, she won't realize what she lost because she didn't value you to begin with. She may feel that she lost a soft place to fall on but that's about it because you can't expect genuine and authentic emotions from someone who seems very dysfunctional. She will always have something for you -- yes, but nothing healthy to build upon. Become a better person for yourself. Understand in her frame of mind "a better person" doesn't translate they way you hope it will. She can't embrace your change when she's still broken. 3
Satu Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) There are some people who like to keep a lovesick ex on the outer periphery of their lives. They find them useful as a free ego booster. Lovesick: Adjective "He was mooning around like a lovesick teenager: lovelorn, pining, languishing, longing, yearning, love-struck, infatuated." A time will come, when you'll look back on this situation, and wonder how you ever let it happen. The passage of time will inevitably lead you to that thought. Take care. Edited November 30, 2016 by Satu 2
Author biggie Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 UPDATED: So I just want to start by saying thank you everyone for your support and replies. I got some news. So we had a very deep talk when we met up yesterday and she felt like i didn't have a say in the relationship[ because i always listened to her. She said she missed me so much and wanted to spend time with me and she said she wants to try again cause she loves me because i just need to stand up to her and have a say. I also need to be less insecure. also i agreed and i said you also need to work on yourself cause she gets mad easily and she needs to calm down and not say stupid things when shes mad. Any thoughts? I feel it might work out but after we work on ourselves abit cause she did say she missed me alot and loves me. She cant see herself with anyone else.
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