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Ultimate Betrayal

Paralyzed

By Paralyzed
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Paralyzed Member

Paralyzed

Posted
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I'm going to try and make this as brief as I can. I was with my ex for 2.5 years. We split briefly last summer due to her jealousy. It was a rough relationship. However, i loved her and i believed her when she said she loved me. This past August she walked out on me. I felt it was suspicious. She did it via text while she had to leave town for two days. She finished the deed when she returned. She blamed her unhappiness on me. She proceeded to contact me daily afterwards and refused to pick up her things. When she did come to get her clothes she seduced me instead. Then she left again. Eventually i had to drop what i could fit in my car on her brothers doorstep bc she lives with him. Despite the fact she makes almost twice what i make. Her car was not there. She returned to me 2 weeks later. I caught her in various lies. In the end i discovered she was seeing another man. He has 3 kids. We have no kids but had discussed having them in the future. In the end she split when she was almost caught. Denied everything, but was immediately in a relationship with him. She hid him from her friends before this bc she was cheating. She had to admit she was seeing him, but lied about the cheating. Since then she has texted me drunk with nasty messages bc i told people what she did. She wrote a sweet message on my bday. Then another message once again denying cheating and blaming me. 3 months have passed. She is still with this man. I have ignored all her attempts to contact me. Last week she emailed me at work, asking if she could come pick up her xmas ornaments. These things were not important when she picked up her other things and i paid her $800 for what she left. I'm shocked by her nerve to contact me about this. She is still with him. She destroyed me. I've had to go to therapy to sort out my anger and hurt. I guess i'm looking for an explanation for this behavior of hers. Does this new man know she is contacting me? He knew she was cheating, how can her trust her? The xmas decorations may have some sentimental value, but isn't that a write off when you leave a relationship this way? Can anyone share their stories or thoughts......? I'm still struggling after 3 months.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

A huge part of your struggle with moving forward is your need to keep allowing her access into your life. Until you accept that she is dysfunctional and stop tying her bad behavior to your own self-worth, you'll keep circling in futility. There is no explanation for toxic behavior. She's wired to behave this way for whatever her reasons. Best to question your own toxic behavior -- your need to stay accessible to her.

 

Find acceptance. It is over. She is broken.

  • Like 5
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

Also, scan your home and collect all of her belongings, pack them and drop them at her home. With absolutely nothing left that can be used as an excuse to make contact. Using "stuff" as a reason to keep a door open only prolongs your pain. Again, you are responsible for your healing.

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Paralyzed Member

Paralyzed

Posted
  • Author
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I paid her for what she left. I'm not doing anything for her. The very act of dropping more crap off to her is a response. i will not do that. It has been thrown in the dump.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
I paid her for what she left. I'm not doing anything for her. The very act of dropping more crap off to her is a response. i will not do that. It has been thrown in the dump.

 

Then block her everywhere and stop allowing her access into your life. The reason you are struggling is because you keep getting reminded of your pain.

  • Like 2
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
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You have to block her from everything.

 

If you don't, you're leaving yourself open to more hurt.

 

If necessary, change your phone number and email.

 

Avoid social media like the plague (that it is).

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete her from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

Been Established Member

Been

Posted
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I was going to tell you to throw her things away-she had plenty of time to collect them. If she left somethings oh well-that's what you get when you lie to people. Plus you already paid her for what she left.

BLOCK her on everything. If she keeps coming by after you tell her not to call the police and they will issue a criminal trepass notice to her-it is basically an order to stay away from your residence I had to do it because my ex thought I wasn't serious when I told her to stay away from my residence. It works wonders.

  • Like 1
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted (edited)

Sorry to hear what happened and I don't blame you at all for being angry and hurt about it all.

 

I hate to say this, but Christmas decorations often have sentimental value, are bequeathed by parents and so on. I would put hers in a box and dump it on her doorstep, ring the bell and leave. You don't want a war over Christmas decorations.

Edited by spiderowl
PrincessWarrior1 Established Member

PrincessWarrior1

Posted
Posted (edited)

Everyone has given excellent advice and it helped me also as I've been trying to move on from a 3 year relationship. It's hard and it takes time. All the advice given helps speed up that process because contact is a reminder of the pain and sets you back. Probably not as far back as direct contact or having sex but you end up taking the focus off yourself and the building your life all over again back to them.

 

I just wanted to say and please do not mistake it for encouraging you to get back together with her. But some people have friendships with the opposite sex and need a male perspective. I'm not minimizing what she did and it's not fun catching someone in lies or realizing you can't trust them and things aren't as special as you thought they were. I just went through that whole thing. Also reward yourself with gifts for lengths of NC. That has been a big help because it gives you something to look forward to that's just for you.

 

It will get better in time that's what I'm telling myself also. Keep focusing on getting better and getting rid of all those awful emotions of anger and sadness. I'm doing the same thing.

Edited by PrincessWarrior1
Adding and grammar errors
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