How can I get used to working with my ex girlfriend?

[xxgreen20]

In a couple of weeks, my fall semester at college will be ending, and I will be going back to work where my ex girlfriend works as well. We met at work and dated for 3.5 months after being friends for a year, and we will be thankfully working in different departments, but will still run across each other every now and then obviously. We both work at a grocery store, and I am in front end, so she will be in my department a lot buying food on her breaks and also stocking the end caps of the registers. We have been NC since the day after she dumped me in September, and we didn't speak on her birthday or Thanksgiving, so we definitely are not going to be friends again. I don't want to be her friend either because she dumped me and then got a new boyfriend a week later (whom she is still dating). I also still get some mild feelings when I see pictures of her on social media or think about her and her boyfriend. I'm hoping she has the decency and respect to not come to my register when she buys things, but if she does, I already have it planned to not talk to her unless she talks to me first. And I will avoid going to or walking by the bakery department, where she works, at all costs. I know my first couple of days there, I will be very nervous and uncomfortable, and then after the first couple of times I run into her, I can hopefully relax a little bit. Any more advice on how I can get accustomed to it, or do I sound like I have a good plan? This will be the first time I have any contact with her since the breakup, and don't say change jobs because I like my other coworkers and the job too much to leave there due to an ex.

Edited November 28, 2016 by xxgreen20

[Chief1970]

I take it you're the dumpee and got the short end of the stick. At your age, y'all are not looking for love, just looking to have fun. I would take the high road and said say "hey" and go on about your business. By not talking to her, she's winning. She would know it bothers you.

[Been]

I'm in the same boat. If she acts weird to you it will make you uneasy at first.

And she will act different towards you. Your going to have to suck it up and act as normal as possible because if you don't it will attract attention towards you.

And whatever you do if she starts trying to talk to you DONT do it-just be polite and that's it.DONOT try to do the friend thing.

[Satu]

You'll be ok.

 

You'll feel uncomfortable the first couple of times, but it will quickly become easier.

 

Don't look at her social media; its emotional poison.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete her from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

*Nothing more than basic civil communication about work.

 

 

Take care.

[xxgreen20]

You'll be ok.

 

You'll feel uncomfortable the first couple of times, but it will quickly become easier.

 

Don't look at her social media; its emotional poison.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete her from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

*Nothing more than basic civil communication about work.

 

 

Take care.

 

Yup, I've done all of the above. She hasn't attempted to contact me, I'm just very nervous about the first couple of times I see her at work and that it might really upset me. I also don't believe that she started dating this guy after we broke up, I think their relationship started before ours ended, but I'm not getting into that. I'm also afraid that our friends might try to get me to be friends with her, because she has stopped speaking to them as a result of our breakup, and I know they want us to be friends.

Edited November 29, 2016 by xxgreen20

[xxgreen20]

Also, my friend said the whole store was buzzing after the breakup, so everyone knows if that helps.

[Been]

Whatever you do dont talk to anyone in the store about the break up. And don't bad mouth her to anyone even if she starts talking bad about you-people will figure things out on their own.

Why would you want to be friends with someone that screwed you over-nothing good will come of it. Too many emotions.

[BAcK]

What happened between you two was on a personal level. But when it comes to work you guys are on a completely different field.

 

She might have hurt you but do not react to that at the workplace. You will be co workers and you won't be able to ignore each other forever.

Talk to her just as you would with another co worker. If you try to avoid her on purpose it will be awkward for you both. Leave the past in the past. It will be difficult in the beginning but you will be okay.

And whatever happens, do not badmouth her.

[Lifeissomething]

I worked with my ex as well.

 

Best to keep it friendly and professional, but if necessary set up boundaries.

Not sure how you still feel about her, but if she perhaps is a little too friendly or flirty with you, then I would politely say because of the relationship you want a little space. Or you do it indirectly, by being nice but reserved. If you fail to acknowledge her cues she will probably take a hint.

 

But you can be nice and professional. I would encourage that.

[xxgreen20]

I worked with my ex as well.

 

Best to keep it friendly and professional, but if necessary set up boundaries.

Not sure how you still feel about her, but if she perhaps is a little too friendly or flirty with you, then I would politely say because of the relationship you want a little space. Or you do it indirectly, by being nice but reserved. If you fail to acknowledge her cues she will probably take a hint.

 

But you can be nice and professional. I would encourage that.

 

She and her boyfriend will be together 3 months by that time (almost as long as both of us already), so I know she won't be flirting with me or interested in me again. And even if she was, I wouldn't take her back unless she really proved she could change. Just curious, where did you and your ex work together, and did you see her often?

[Lifeissomething]

She and her boyfriend will be together 3 months by that time (almost as long as both of us already), so I know she won't be flirting with me or interested in me again. And even if she was, I wouldn't take her back unless she really proved she could change. Just curious, where did you and your ex work together, and did you see her often?

 

A finance/investment securities office. We no longer work together, but for a good many months I was crossing her path and in multiple meetings with her on any given week.

 

While I was polite and kind--what I call professional--I absolutely avoided her at all costs. I didn't make small talk, responded only with as much as I needed too, and never went out of my way to acknowledge or look at her...she got the hint quickly and proceeded to do the same with me. I won't say it was the most mature action, but I had to do what was best for me--shutting her out.

 

Sure, there were times where we did have to discuss work, which was awkward as hell, but we were functionally consistent with accomplishing our duties and pleasant to one another when was necessary. Internally it was torture. I'll never date a coworker again--lesson learned.

 

The takeaway: don't dip your pen in company ink!

[xxgreen20]

A finance/investment securities office. We no longer work together, but for a good many months I was crossing her path and in multiple meetings with her on any given week.

 

While I was polite and kind--what I call professional--I absolutely avoided her at all costs. I didn't make small talk, responded only with as much as I needed too, and never went out of my way to acknowledge or look at her...she got the hint quickly and proceeded to do the same with me. I won't say it was the most mature action, but I had to do what was best for me--shutting her out.

 

Sure, there were times where we did have to discuss work, which was awkward as hell, but we were functionally consistent with accomplishing our duties and pleasant to one another when was necessary. Internally it was torture. I'll never date a coworker again--lesson learned.

 

The takeaway: don't dip your pen in company ink!

 

I'm taking the same approach you took. I do not want to be friends nor have any interaction outside of what is necessary for work purposes. I will also avoid walking by her department when she's there, even if it requires me to go out of my way. I will also be taking my breaks in a different area than I used to before I left for college, because I know she never uses that area. And believe you me, I've learned my lesson. I'm never dating a coworker again.