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My boyfriend asked a girl for her number. Am I right to be upset or feel suspicious?

worriedlover27

By worriedlover27
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worriedlover27 New Member

worriedlover27

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Me and my boyfriend have a group of friends that we hang out with, both girls and guys. One night we went out with the group and one of the girls brought along a friend who was visiting from a different city. When we both found out she was from the city we are going to vacation next month, she was so nice and offered to be our tour guide when we visited. My boyfriend immediately said that sounds awesome, let me get your number. I kind of felt weird about him asking and she definitely glanced at me when he asked so I sort of intervened and said that sounds great! No that's okay *boyfriend*, I'll get her number. and I pulled out my phone. She responded with yeah I think that's a good idea. I figured he took the hint that getting her number was a little inappropriate? Fast forward the next night, my boyfriend went out with the group again without me. I was too tired to go out. The next morning, I wake up and his phone alarm goes off. Of course he sleeps right through it so I grab his phone to silence it. He has a bunch of snapchat notifications and group chat text messages which is whatever. I opened his text messages thinking he only got texts from the group (I would have gotten the texts too) and I saw he ended up getting the number from that girl. I couldn't believe it. I'm pretty upset that he got her number when I thought the first attempt was clear that was a no no. The text was a random funny picture he sent. Am I right for feeling super weird about all this and should I bring it up to him? Or am I overthinking it?

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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He knew it made you feel uncomfortable when he asked for it originally, now he went behind your back, disrespecting you. Time to have that conversation with him about boundaries, and the one he over stepped.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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How's your relationship with him in general, OP?

MarkIVSteel Established Member

MarkIVSteel

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I think the real issue here is you invading his privacy by snooping through his phone.

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eightytwenty Established Member

eightytwenty

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Red Flag....

 

 

 

 

Sounds like he's interested in her and got her number for other reasons.

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Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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So was the random funny picture sent to her only or to the group? Could he have gotten the number from a group exchange?

 

I don't know. She's from out of town and you will both be there when he visits later on. I hang out with coupled guy friends every once in awhile. It sounds like his group of friends is also mixed gender.

 

That said, I looked at your thread history and you consistently seem worried he will cheat. Are you happy in this relationship? Do you feel safe, loved and protected?

  • Like 3
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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It's possible she is the one that offered him her number and he didn't want to offend her by rejecting it.

 

That being said it's one thing to add her to his contact list and a completely different one to start texting each other!!

 

You may discover shortly your boyfriend is a sneaky one. I would definitely ask him what he thinks of his behavior. Listen and see how much he squirms himself out of this one.

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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Texting a random girl pictures of anything? Why? Inappropriate...he likes her. Time for a discussion on boundaries.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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After reading your other threads:

 

The way I see it you two are not compatible. Sounds like he sees nothing wrong with being friends with his exes, and making new friends with other females. He has an extrovert personality. What he is doing can be perfectly innocent and just likes networking his social life. This isn't wrong or right IMO, UNLESS there is damning evidence he is sexting, sending photos of his junk, etc. Him or anyone for that matter, being sociable isn't a devious crime.

 

You have different expectations and all you are doing is complaining. You shouldn't be together because you two are just too different. Ditch the trip and him.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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This new girl is going to show you BOTH around a new city. He asks for her number so that it can be arranged. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me...I wouldn't bat an eyelid if my husband did this. Yet you get mad about him making a new contact for your upcoming trip.

 

Sounds to me like you can't/won't trust him. If you can't trust him, then dump him.

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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This new girl is going to show you BOTH around a new city. He asks for her number so that it can be arranged. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me...I wouldn't bat an eyelid if my husband did this. Yet you get mad about him making a new contact for your upcoming trip.

 

Sounds to me like you can't/won't trust him. If you can't trust him, then dump him.

 

So if your hubby did this then secretly got the number and was texting the 3rd party pics/jokes you wouldnt be bothered at all?

  • Like 1
central Established Member

central

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So if your hubby did this then secretly got the number and was texting the 3rd party pics/jokes you wouldnt be bothered at all?

 

You're jumping to unwarranted conclusions. He was only out the prior night, and hadn't even spoken to the OP yet the next day when she snooped his phone. Hence, there is so far no secret to divulge - it's only if he doesn't say later that she was there, or hides that he got her number (and yes, she could have provided it without him asking).

 

 

Personally, I wouldn't be bothered by casual texting - I would think he's trying to establish a connection so that he and his gf will later have the advantage of a tour guide who is friendly to them.

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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He knew his gf already had her number...It is a bit suspect.

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central Established Member

central

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He knew his gf already had her number...It is a bit suspect.

 

It could be a bit suspect, but I think that's mostly paranoia unless there is something else to substantiate suspicion. But there is no reason why he shouldn't also be able to get in touch with her. We have no reason to think he has ulterior motives. If the OP has NONE of the phone numbers of the other men in this social group, then perhaps they have (or should) establish boundaries - but I'm betting she does, so he could be equally suspicious of the OP's intentions as well.

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

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OP, what led you to snoop in your bf's phone in the first place?

 

Yes, talk to him, but it seems you have bigger issues than this one phone number exchange.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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So if your hubby did this then secretly got the number and was texting the 3rd party pics/jokes you wouldnt be bothered at all?

 

Agreed.

 

OP

He knew perfectly well, he was out of order getting that girls number yet as soon as you weren't there he got her number anyway.

And to add insult to injury he then makes contact with her.

BUT

He sounds like an extrovert, very social guy who loves meeting new people and who probably isn't very happy being with you, as you prefer Netflix and the couch.

YOU do not fit into the lifestyle he wants, so he will be looking around for someone who does, sorry to say...

  • Like 1
joseb Established Member

joseb

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Personally, I wouldn't be bothered by casual texting - I would think he's trying to establish a connection so that he and his gf will later have the advantage of a tour guide who is friendly to them.

 

Ok I really don't like snooping, and I'm a big proponent of letting people have friends outside of a relationship.

But his behaviour to me feels a bit suss.

If he wanted to create a rapport before the trip, why not start a group with this girl, him and his gf.

And getting her number later like that after the way he initially asked...I dunno, it just feels dodge to me.

  • Like 2
eightytwenty Established Member

eightytwenty

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Why I see it as a red flag..

 

 

 

 

He knew you had the number, if he was going to be innocent he would of just asked you for the number.

 

 

If he was just doing it for the trip, he wouldn't of sent other messages.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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:o .................... wrong thread.
dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

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Getting a girls number is not a big deal at all. I don't understand these accusations or the expectations that he can't make friends with the opposite sex. I think you're out of line telling him its inappropriate and the fact he got her number later is whatever. If he hid it from you it would be different.

 

Also in my mind snooping through his phone is way worse than him getting some girls number who offered to be a tour guide. If she asked for his number so he could "hit her up" sometime or was suggestive in that nature maybe you'd have an argument, but I'm sorry I just don't think you do.

  • Like 1
AT15 Established Member

AT15

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If it were me, I would communicate my feelings in the matter. I would say, I feel very unsettled that you reached out to so and so? Your actions are showing me you may not be taking this relationship seriously. Then wait for his response.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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OP, I took a look at your previous thread. Hopefully you return to this one.

 

It seems you and your boyfriend have very different characters, with him being a quite social extrovert and you struggling with social anxiety and thus preferring to stay around home. It was apparent in that thread a few months ago that you felt self-conscious about it and could see that it was starting to wear on him. He had asked you to come out a couple times and you declined, and he was upset.

 

Perhaps this latest event is another sign of that deeper difference between you two. I don't necessarily think he is trying cheat on you with this other girl, but the fact that he got her number anyway indicates he's still going to live as he sees fit. It doesn't seem that out of the ordinary to get a person's number based on how you describe his love of socializing and making new friends. You two need to have a talk, not only about this but also the bigger issue underlying your significant personality differences and whether this a viable match long-term.

  • Like 1
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