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what's a good way to stop a make out session from turning into sex.

Sendmewings

By Sendmewings
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Sendmewings Member

Sendmewings

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I know guys get turned on really easily. When dating is it ok to wait until he calls you his girlfriend to have sex? I've dated many men who lie about commitment and when they get what they want they run. I'm trying to weed out those type of men. Is it ok to makeout if it's not going to lead to sex and how do I tell a guy this without scaring him off

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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If he gets scared off then you know he was only there for sex.

 

I would make it clear before you are mid make out that you want to take it slow.

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eightytwenty Established Member

eightytwenty

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Sometimes I felt like waiting. Sometimes I didn't. Both sometimes worked and sometimes it didn't.

 

 

 

 

Now I wouldn't say right before the date started, "hey I don't want to have sex", I would just wait. If it starts going somewhere, all you have to say is " I really don't want to go farther right now", if they stop that's a good sign. If they keep trying, you know this guy isn't going to be a good one.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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Personally I think you reach a point as an adult where you stop having make out sessions in private unless you are planning on intercourse, or oral or something.

 

Obviously it's different when you are a teenager, but I just feel like adult dating you keep things public until you are ready to progress to something more.

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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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Personally I think you reach a point as an adult where you stop having make out sessions in private unless you are planning on intercourse, or oral or something.

 

No way -making out is the most intense form of intimacy there is and it's entirely justified as an end unto itself. :love: Doesn't mean it can't lead to sex but it doesn't have to.

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Sendmewings Member

Sendmewings

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I think that's where I mess up, I tend to make out with the person I'm dating and then stop which makes them confused. So you're saying I should keep al my dates in public places?

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Sendmewings Member

Sendmewings

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No way -making out is the most intense form of intimacy there is and it's entirely justified as an end unto itself. :love: Doesn't mean it can't lead to sex but it doesn't have to.

 

That's how I see making out as a step to get closer without going all the way yet

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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I think that's where I mess up, I tend to make out with the person I'm dating and then stop which makes them confused. So you're saying I should keep al my dates in public places?

 

 

That's how I do it. If I don't want to have sex with the guy, I stay away from intimate settings. It works very well.

 

I also find a lot of guys respond really well when I tell them I want to take things slow. Maybe not all, but the majority of them then ramped up their efforts to wow me and a few even asked for exclusivity (all of this before I even slept with them). So yeah, it seems taking things slow can work to weed out men who are only looking for sex.

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MarkIVSteel Established Member

MarkIVSteel

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Don't make out in the first place.

 

Also, sex before or after being exclusive is not a guarantee that one person won't dump the other.

 

You're putting way too much feelings into sex.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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I think that's where I mess up, I tend to make out with the person I'm dating and then stop which makes them confused. So you're saying I should keep al my dates in public places?

 

Generally I would, at first. If you are planning to wait a long time for sex, for example more than a month. Then after you've discussed that I think it's fine to start having private dates. And even make out sessions with the understanding that it won't lead to more.

 

But no, I don't really think it's appropriate as an adult to have private dates and make out sessions when you first meet someone, as it'll lead to expectations of sex.

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Sendmewings Member

Sendmewings

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Dating is so co fusing. If you sleep with a man to early he loses interest. If you dont he may still lose interest. How do you know when he really genuinely wants you

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Sendmewings Member

Sendmewings

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Generally I would, at first. If you are planning to wait a long time for sex, for example more than a month. Then after you've discussed that I think it's fine to start having private dates. And even make out sessions with the understanding that it won't lead to more.

 

But no, I don't really think it's appropriate as an adult to have private dates and make out sessions when you first meet someone, as it'll lead to expectations of sex.

 

I've been talking to this person every day for a month been on four dates in the last week in a half. He I initiates all conact. The last guy I dated freaked out on commitment and. Don't want the same thing happening again

Edited by Sendmewings
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Keep everything on top of clothes and stay away from beds. I don't know how old you are but if you are not a teen than stay away from heavy make-out if you don't wish to finish what you started.

 

Exclusivity will not guarantee you the guy will stick around after sex. If he doesn't like the sex with you he'll just break up or disappear.

 

The only option is for you to have sex when you want to, with who you want to, to not expect anything in return and to not view sex as some type of contract like I give you sex and you give me your feelings.

 

When you start getting hot with a guy tell yourself: He may be gone tomorrow morning do I still want to do this.

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Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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I've been talking to this person every day for a month been on four dates in the last week in a half. He I initiates all conact. The last guy I dated freaked out on commitment and. Don't want the same thing happening again

 

I was discussing this with a friend recently. I used to be... kind of like you... vulnerable to relationships, afraid I would mess up by moving too fast or too slow. Dating as though there was some kind of emergency.

 

And then, after a long hiatus from dating, I started again and simply could no longer feel the urgency. If a guy wants to excuse himself from my life because our interests don't align, so be it.

 

My friend pointed out that since then, since I seem less "keen", guys seem to be more interested in me. I'm not sure if that's a double-standard or if these guys are reacting to the fact that I'm approaching relationships from a much healthier headspace.

 

So if a guy leaves because your pace doesn't align? Let him leave. He's not the right guy for you. Just be clear about what you want, what works for you. Be centred on your needs and desires. Act accordingly, which might involve keeping dates out of the bedroom.

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Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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OP,

 

You asked;

 

Q

what's a good way to stop a make out session from turning into sex.

 

A Don't start one !

 

When I was divorced and dating, all guys got was a kiss and a cuddle until I was ready to take it further. If they wanted more, and I wasn't ready then I told them to find someone else. I was very particular as to who had access to my body.

 

A couple of drinks in a pub/bar IMO doesn't give a guy the right to start groping me. If a guy is "scared off" by a woman having some self-respect then you don't need him in your life.

 

Personally I think you need to raise the bar a bit, then you might find guys who actually see you as a person - not someone they can feel up in a car etc. :)

  • Like 1
GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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I've been talking to this person every day for a month been on four dates in the last week in a half. He I initiates all conact. The last guy I dated freaked out on commitment and. Don't want the same thing happening again

 

It's all a matter of perspective. If I was dating someone for a few weeks and they freaked out at the thought of being exclusive I would be relieved that I got rid of them sooner rather than later.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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It's interesting that you write about guys getting turned on easily. Do you not react in the same way? I'm just wondering if you actually had little chemistry with the guys you've been with and this is part of the problem.

 

Anyway, to answer your question: you ALWAYS have the right to say NO and stop the progression. That said, it is better to not get yourself into the situation to start with.

 

Lastly, holding back on sex does not guarantee a guy will continue a relationship with you. Some great relationships start from first date sex. Others will implode after two months even if sex was waited for.

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joseb Established Member

joseb

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As an adult guy, heavy make-out sessions that don't lead to more are just an exercise in frustration, unless they are part of some fun in a longer term relationship or something.

 

And as a couple of people have mentioned, don't try to use sex as a tool to manipulate someone into a relationship. Let it happen when you feel you want it.

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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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I'm with the camp that says make-out sessions without sex are a great way to build anticipation and tension. I'll never stop making out leading up to sex, it's super fun and exciting! It makes you feel like a teenager again and builds great chemistry. So much fun and such a turn-on!

 

I'd put it out there early on you want to take it slow and don't get carried away making-out, if you are going to start touching him and letting him touch you then you can't pull away half way and call it "we need to stop" That's what's frustrating. Basically don't start what you don't intend on finishing.

 

If you want to pace the relationship don't hang out at each other's house before you've had quite a few dates under your belt with them. That's the best gauge. If they get frustrated because you won't hang out with them at home then there's your answer.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Posted (edited)

IMO, you don't have to have a "make out sesh" to build sexual tension....that's what flirting and sexual innuendo is for. To me make out seshes should lead to sex. There is no way IMO making a guy sexually frustrated "builds sexual tension" in a positive way...it builds blue balls. like many of my guy friends have told me...it's actually frickin painful and not fun at all. I wouldn't want some guy to tell me "we need to stop"...hell that would be a one way ticket to the curb.

 

 

So the best way is not to have them....flirt, and dirty talk is fine.

Edited by smackie9
  • Like 3
LargoLagg Established Member

LargoLagg

Posted
Posted
Personally I think you reach a point as an adult where you stop having make out sessions in private unless you are planning on intercourse, or oral or something.

 

Obviously it's different when you are a teenager, but I just feel like adult dating you keep things public until you are ready to progress to something more.

Or, you could stop after the first kiss and say something like

 

I want you to know that tonight isn't going to end in sex for you. I'm going to stop you at some point, but I'd really like to make out with you tonight if that's all right.

Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Posted

 

 

So the best way is not to have them....flirt, and dirty talk is fine.

 

Dirty talk?

 

You think making out for weeks is unnatural but you think talking dirty with no physical contact is natural?

 

I would find that so bizarre and so overtly sexual and utterly off-putting. I can't imagine dating a man for weeks and having dirty chat discussions with him and no physical contact, that's way too overtly sexual. People fall in love from kissing not from dirty talk :eek:

scooby-philly Established Member

scooby-philly

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Posted
I was discussing this with a friend recently. I used to be... kind of like you... vulnerable to relationships, afraid I would mess up by moving too fast or too slow. Dating as though there was some kind of emergency.

 

And then, after a long hiatus from dating, I started again and simply could no longer feel the urgency. If a guy wants to excuse himself from my life because our interests don't align, so be it.

 

My friend pointed out that since then, since I seem less "keen", guys seem to be more interested in me. I'm not sure if that's a double-standard or if these guys are reacting to the fact that I'm approaching relationships from a much healthier headspace.

 

So if a guy leaves because your pace doesn't align? Let him leave. He's not the right guy for you. Just be clear about what you want, what works for you. Be centred on your needs and desires. Act accordingly, which might involve keeping dates out of the bedroom.

 

If i could 1000 likes, youd get it.

 

Its all a matter of perspective and personality. I agree with the posters that said making out is hot. But if you dont want it to lead to sex...get comfortable saying no or doing it in a car before he drops you off or vice versa. If you find yourself doing it in an intimate setting, like his place or yours, get really comfortable sayig no or explaining yourself. Its 2016 and we are all adults. Yes men will tey to get sex. Sorry ladies. But good guyd will wait a certain amount of time if youre vocal and consistent. Dont fall into the man hating category....realize hes tring to read you and if your not consitent or vocal he can only guessbl by your actions....which gors back to your question...

  • Like 1
ElizabethIII Established Member

ElizabethIII

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Keep your clothes on. Allow touching over clothes.

 

When he moves to unzip you, take his hand away and say no.

 

Make it clear it is just kissing and no more.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Look, some guys will say whatever you want to hear just to get in your pants. There is no way to bulletproof yourself from that, and we all get fooled eventually, usually over and over.

 

My best advice is if you are religious or value your virginity or whatever, then wait for the ring and DON'T do everything else in between because that's actually more fun than the actual intercourse. And it's just hypocritical to not count that.

 

If you're a sexual being and you want to have sex with someone you're attracted to and hope to keep, then you just date them long enough that they're past that couple of months some of them can hold out being on their best behavior until you see who they really are, because they can't keep that up forever.

 

Me, I would have sex if I was attracted to them as long as they were treating me with respect and I at least thought I might like them to hang around, but I would do it when I wanted to do it and if someone was pressuring me beyond my comfort zone, I'd probably stop seeing them, because that's disrespectful.

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