ADIDAS Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 OK i've asked about this/her before but i'm stuck now... In summary, Guy(me) like girl(young woman) who works for sister I ask her number "YES" can i call you sometime "YES" can we get together "YES" Found out she was in on/off again thing with other dude. Sent SMS to say i think we should cancel cause i didn't know about other dude maybe this is better if we leave it. She calls me back a couple min later. ( said she thought i knew but doesn't matter we should still get together) I said not sure i was kinda hoping for more ( i know ERROR but whats done is done) Week goes by I call her she's happy to hear from me. told her i gave it some thought i 's still like to see her. she said OK i tell her i'll pick her up the next day so we can go out for lunch she says OK. about 9 that morning she send a message saying she won't be able to make it and maybe we should leave it. So that night went to sisters house "what's happened 2day" So i found out the other dude sent her some cheesy SMS to say "i know things between us will work out BLABLA" Sent her a SMS back saying ok,if you think so bla bla.... OK, Now since then i havent done anything left it as is.(almost 3weeks) In the meantime it looks as though she has called it off with this other dude, her words to my Sister was he irratates her and she told him not to contact her. and it's been like this now for about 2 weeks. and ofcourse i don't know if it's going to change but even before i was intrested i know it's been going downhill so this COULD be it - but i don't know. i know allot of guys/girls are gonna tell me just move on and all that stuff but i'm sorry i can't let a good thing like her go by without trying. I asked my sisiters opinion and asked her to be honest with me and she said she doesn't think she would have cancelled had that dude not sent the SMS - if that 's worth something what confuses me is she told my sister after all of this she doesn't want to date but she doesn't want to be alone. she'd like to get to know someone "more Naturally" I would have thought she would keep these kind of things to herself considering the situation. I don't want to put pressure on her so i thought of seeing her face to face again in about 2 weeks, what it boils down to is i want to get to know her but after my ERROR of saying i was hoping for more i think she's probably thinking that lunch/coffee means abit more to me. which (yes) is true in someways, but also not i'm with one foot in this and the other standing outside. without saying to much i'm looking for advice about what i could do in about 2 weeks and what you guys think of this mess i typed here. PLEASE Thanks LAter ADIDAS
EC Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 That was not an ERROR ADIDAS!! That was the truth and thats what you were feeling. Never think that it is an ERROR to speak what your feeling. The first thing that I caught was that she is your sisters friend. I wouldn't even go there man. That can either ruin the relationship with your sister or ruin the their friendship. The second thing is that this girl has been on and off and then canceled on you when he sent her a message. Shes confused and shes not ready for anything serious right now trust me. I know you didnt want to hear let her go, move on, but I think you know as well as I do that that's the best option you have. And all that about not wanting to be with someone but not wanting to be alone..thats her meaning I want my guy but its not working but I need someone to take his place and hold me and love me until he comes back. If she were to give you a chance now after her making that comment, you would for sure just be a rebound for her, so that she wouldnt be alone. But thats my opinion, you do what you feel. Good luck!
Author ADIDAS Posted July 14, 2005 Author Posted July 14, 2005 Thanks EC, honestly i'm not quite sure of what to do yet, on the on hand i get told by my "informant" i should'nt give up so easily and on other hand i don't want to be one of those guys "that just won't take a hint" but then again i don't think she would have said yes twice if she wasn;t intrested So i'm still undecided Any one else ??
Jess xx Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Don't go there! I've been in a similar situation before...bottom line its hard to hear but if she was interested enough you would know about it, I was told this when I was going through it and it was frustrating to accept because you feel they havent given you a chance yet! Also I was getting the mixed signals...I was getting alot of verbal encouragement "I like you, be really good to see you etc." Ignore this! Actions speak louder than words. Don't beat yourself about saying what you wanted from the beginning, again if she liked you enough this would'nt bother her.
Opium Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 I know what you want to hear. That with time she'll come around and except your invitation to go out and you'll be happy forever and ever. WRONG!! If you feel pursing this girl "feels" right and you really want to date her than by all means, all she has is a broken heart and going through a separation which she still has memories of and will compare you to him. Get me? And another thing, she's your sister's friend. No matter what, she's your sister but for you sister it's her friend and I'm sure she doesn't want to lose her friend because her brother has a crush and doesn't know when to walk away with his dignity. She needs comfort and to feel loved because right now she has no support and is SUPER lonely. Don't be the rebound guy if anything what you could do is be a FRIEND and someone she can talk too. But only if you feel you're feelings will allow you to be just friends, not fall more for her.
Merin Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Darn.. My guess.. this Girl will be on again with this other Guy in less than 2 weeks. Sounds like the 2 of them have a unhealthy relationship that niether one is willing or ready to let go of, yet niether one is really happy in either.. BUT I digress.. this happens so often it's sad. I would really hate to see you be the Guy who takes her mind off things for awhile, picks up her self esteem ONLY to have her tell you AGAIN that maybe the 2 of you should leave it because she's heard from "Mr Wonderful" again know what I mean? It's hard to pursue a "Friendship" ONLY with someone you have a romantic interest in not to mention that often once you get into the friends zone, it can be very difficult if not impossible to get out of... Good Luck
Author ADIDAS Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Thanks Everyone, I think that it's probably best to let it slide - for now atleast until she has herself figured out.I don't like the thought of it but merin i think youre right about them maybe making contact again. He keeps her "online" when he has nothing to do so i won't be surprised if something goes down this weekend here's the funny thing though i go to the same gym as him (which i didn't know and i didn't know what he looked like either) and after chatting to his buddy he told him about some other girl which his trying to get with - and from what i gathered it's not "this" one - so his cheating aswell it would seem. -life's fair ain't it I agree that friendship is prob not the way to go but at the same time i feel if i'm gonna have any chance i need to atleast see her now and then - not so ? What advice have you guys got on that ? ADIDAS
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