mthpp Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 Hi all, First post on this forum. Was hoping to get some advice. Personally I think a "maybe" is really a "polite no" at least 80% of the time. I met this girl through a good mate. Here is a little bit about her: - 25 years old - Very independent, family orientated, and a little introverted. She's very much her own person and likes to do her own thing - Haven't had a serious boyfriend for about 3 years or more - My good mate (her cousin) said she just isn't that interested in dating (long prior to me asking her out) She's from interstate but is here on a one-year contract. She may stay if the contract gets extended but otherwise will go back home. I've hung out with her and her cousin (my mate) a couple of times, and felt that I have a good connection with her. On the third occasion I asked if she wanted to do something, and she said "no sorry not now, maybe if I end up staying, we do have a lot in common, but now I just want to be my own person". Honestly it's a valid response at least in my opinion. It probably doesn't make sense to start dating someone if she may have to leave in a few months time. She is very sensible and mature and her response didn't really surprise me. It's true we have a lot in common and she acknowledges it too. Just tricky on this occasion there's no way to tell what her answer might be if she was interested dating at the moment. So I'm not sure if it's worth hanging around to see if she stays, and perhaps give it a second shot? As mentioned above I believe "maybe" means a "no" the vast majority of the time, but maybe in this case there is some valid ground for another crack? Would appreciate some advice.
TheTraveler Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 this wasn't a "maybe" I was thinking of. She told you point blank: "no sorry not now, maybe if I end up staying, we do have a lot in common, but now I just want to be my own person." Zero point and I mean zero in hanging around or giving this a 2nd chance. Onto the next!
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 Hi and welcome! Above and beyond whether maybe means no, which typically "maybe" in these situations could just be a polite way of saying no, she already told you how she feels in terms of starting something because she will be leaving. She might be doing it to protect herself too. She may like you and find you have a lot in common but reality is not everyone is willing to engage in a long-distance relationship knowing that their time together is finite. Especially if she has made a conscious decision to put dating on hold, starting something short-term like this might be even less appealing. You are going to keep hanging out with her and that will be your only gauge of what she wants. But for now I think you might want to respect her wishes.
Author mthpp Posted November 28, 2016 Author Posted November 28, 2016 this wasn't a "maybe" I was thinking of. She told you point blank: "no sorry not now, maybe if I end up staying, we do have a lot in common, but now I just want to be my own person." Zero point and I mean zero in hanging around or giving this a 2nd chance. Onto the next! Of course I am not holding my breath. I will move on and if I can find someone in the meantime, I will. Although I'm not sure how much more of a "maybe" I can get with it being a more valid "maybe". Surely this is better than something like "I'm not interested now, or I'm busy now, maybe later....." type of maybe. She's mentioned twice that if the company decides to renew her contract, she's happy to stay. This has nothing to do with dating, as it was prior to me asking her out.
Blackened Heart Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 Agreed with others, that wasn't even a maybe, it was a direct no and just an addition if things changes it may be different, but that's a given in any situation.
TheTraveler Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 Of course I am not holding my breath. I will move on and if I can find someone in the meantime, I will. Although I'm not sure how much more of a "maybe" I can get with it being a more valid "maybe". Surely this is better than something like "I'm not interested now, or I'm busy now, maybe later....." type of maybe. She's mentioned twice that if the company decides to renew her contract, she's happy to stay. This has nothing to do with dating, as it was prior to me asking her out. I can only go by what you write. You did mention you would stay around. That means spending time with her and your cousin in whatever fashion that may be. You could be doing something else. "I'm not interested now, or I'm busy now, maybe later....." type of maybe. You asked to do something with her i.e. hang out or go on a date. Her response: "no sorry not now, maybe if I end up staying, we do have a lot in common, but now I just want to be my own person". She's not interested in you.
Author mthpp Posted November 28, 2016 Author Posted November 28, 2016 My exact words were "hey did you want to go on a lunch date, coffee date, dinner...? To which she replied with what she said. What would be a "valid" maybe? If there is even such a thing...
TheTraveler Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 My exact words were "hey did you want to go on a lunch date, coffee date, dinner...? To which she replied with what she said. What would be a "valid" maybe? If there is even such a thing... Glad you provided that. SHE BLEW YOU OFF that means no date, no sex, and nothing happening in the champagne room
basil67 Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 My exact words were "hey did you want to go on a lunch date, coffee date, dinner...? To which she replied with what she said. What would be a "valid" maybe? If there is even such a thing... A valid maybe would be "I really like you and I'd love to date you. I'm currently planning on moving away, but if my plans get changed, let's give it a try"
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