My first true relationship of 4 years over...

[MrIncognito]

My girlfriend broke up with me just this last week and i'm at a lost for words and it has been eating me up inside. This was my first relationship ever, she was basically my first girlfriend. In her case I was her 4th boyfriend.

 

From the beginning I guess you can say it started off on the wrong path, she was just out of a relationship and I was looking to be in one because of everyone else around me. So, one day we're going out with many friends and I couldn't stop being mesmerized by her beauty and just everything about her. There was no way I can let this opportunity pass cause then down the line I knew I would regret it. After being denied 3 times ( I'm very consistent when I want something ) she decided to say yes the 4th time when I asked her to be my girlfriend, we were both 18 at this time. The first 3 years pass and overall it was going really well. The first major argument that occurred was when I found her messaging another guy on Facebook and it said something along the lines of... (this is what she wrote to some guy). "I love (my name) too much and although he rushed me I have a lot of feelings for him and i've never been treated or loved this way before". It wasn't exact but it was close. She lied to me multiple times about messaging this guy but I later found out. There have been times where she's lied to me and because I was so attached to this girl, even thought I was right, I would take the blame just to make things go back to normal. She did not lose her virginity to me but I lost my virginity to her and she was my first love, thats the reason why I made sure I pleased her in any way possible, even taking the blame when it wasn't my fault. As time passed she met my family and I met hers. Her family loved me beyond belief because they saw how well I treated her. My family on the other hand noticed that the love wasn't the same and I was being mistreated. I was constantly told that I can do better and that I deserved better, but I never let any of that get to me, this was my relationship and I wanted it to be my way because I genuinely loved this girl. I was the type of bf who would constantly buy her flowers, take her out many times, fix things around her house without her asking me to, I would even buy groceries for her household ( she was in a family with a single mother and 4 other siblings, so they were struggling), I would surprise her with gifts and always made sure our relationship was spontaneous, I even would help her with college and basically everything you can think of.

 

Now fast forward to last 4 weeks. Basically there was this halloween party her sister was going to and she invited her sister to go with her (my gf). I said its cool if its going to be all girls, my gf didn't want me to come, so that is why I guess she said it will be all girls. I find out from my dad that there were in fact guys at that party and that she was talking to one of them. This is led to us going on a break. During this break we agreed to still not talk to anyone else and see how things go, but I guess she was talking to this guy that she met. Now we fast forward again to last week where we actually broke up. She told me that she will be here for me and not leave me in the dark, she will give me closure.

 

Basically she tells me that she never really loved me, that she loved me as a person and not as a boyfriend/ true love kind of thing. She would always say that the sex is amazing and she would always crave it, so I know that wasn't the reason, and I know she didn't cheat on me in a sense that she slept with anyone else. So she told me that the love wasn't real and she stuck around for 4 years because she really wanted it to work and that I came from an amazing family. She also said that I wasn't her type physically. She began to describe her type, which was 6 foot 3 inches tall, having a nice beard, colored eyes, and etc. Although, I don't have those specific traits, I am still very attractive... So then I find out that the guy she met at the halloween party is the guy she was describing! They've been talking during our break! She tells me they clicked and have a lot in common. He's 27 and very well of financially. She spent thanksgiving with his family. She also told me that when she was with me she used me to numb her pain and make her exes jealous.

 

The thing is, this all sounds really bad cause i'm only describing the bad. There have been numerous moments where we had the best time together and we travelled together and I did so many of my first things in life with this girl. Now i'm worried that I will never find that someone who can give me those things. This has affected me so much that I just got into UCLA and finals are around the corner and I might just get kicked out cause I'll get non passing grades. Every time I try to concentrate she just comes to mind and its eating me up from the inside. I still find myself defending her even though i've been screwed by her.

 

Sorry for this long post. I'm just grieving so bad and i'm in such depression. I'm afraid this pain will be with me forever and it will ruin my dreams. It just hurts to know that after doing this much for a person that you can be treated this way. I invested so much into her and she was my first everything, it causes me to break down and cry. Any advice is appreciated as this is my first time ever going through something like this and I feel like it turned my world upside down.

[Sweetfish]

I wanted it to be my way because I genuinely loved this girl. I was the type of bf who would constantly buy her flowers, take her out many times, fix things around her house without her asking me to, I would even buy groceries for her household ( she was in a family with a single mother and 4 other siblings, so they were struggling), I would surprise her with gifts and always made sure our relationship was spontaneous, I even would help her with college and basically everything you can think of.

 

Your way, got you a fast ticket to being dumped.

If you do it your way again, you will be dumped.

If you find the sweetest and kindest girl and do this again. DUMPED

 

While its nice to do these things you screwed up big time.

 

1. Do you plan on doing this for the next 10 or 20 years with someone? Buying them flowers and candies. Could you listen to the same song or watch the same movies everyday or every week for 3 or 4 years straight.

Your literally the same plot line over and over again. Please stop thinking women are interested in money and goodies.

 

2. While your putting this person on a pedestal how will you your self grown if your greatest priority is not you. You do realize the most attractive people on this planet usually put them selves first and then others. I suggest you start this now..while your young. Like now NOW.

 

3. Your girlfriend has now shifted her attraction to other men. While she gets the comfort of security from you, she will acquire her other needs from other men. Once she gets these needs eventually she will fall for one of them and your out the door.

 

She also said that I wasn't her type physically. She began to describe her type, which was 6 foot 3 inches tall, having a nice beard, colored eyes, and etc. Although, I don't have those specific traits, I am still very attractive...

This new relationship will not LAST... I would not expect her to come back.. its possible...but no way back to the same guy who is a push over. Sorry if it hurts...but you were a doormat and she reaped the benefits.

 

 

The thing is, this all sounds really bad cause i'm only describing the bad.

NO. This is all bad. Everything was bad from the start, you gave her everything and left her with nothing. So in return she left you.

 

I did so many of my first things in life with this girl. Now i'm worried that I will never find that someone who can give me those things.

There are 13 million men in the US at the height of 6'1 to 6'3

There are 157 million women in the US

 

I think you will do just find. PLUS you goto UCLA are you kidding me

OMG you know how many men wish they were in your shoes. You are at the pinnacle of the easiest time to date..

 

I just got into UCLA and finals are around the corner and I might just get kicked out cause I'll get non passing grades.

You will SERIOUSLY regret this! Exactly, why even if she did come back it wouldn't be worth it..because your so dependent on being a slave again and not a man. Edited November 28, 2016 by Sweetfish

[slowloris44]

Hey buddy , I'm sorry to hear about your recent breakup ! I know how you feel exactly and I can relate to the pain of losing a first love. My ex left me twice and he was my first real bf and love. It sucks, its hard and I hate it but I'm surviving and so can you ! you sound like a nice guy and all those things you did sound very nice but if she cant like you for you then theres no point. Love is loving each other for who they are and you did that for her but she didn't for you .. I can relate. You will be okay , that's all I can say because I'm doing okay now and I completely lost it after my ex left me . Don't contact her, delete her from all social media platforms and concentrate on your finals!! do well! I go to a UC too and I'm hunkering down for finals , I'm not going to let someone who didn't appreciate me ruin the chances of getting a career! and you shouldn't either ! stay strong

[BAcK]

I completely understand your pain and confusion. Firstly you should accept the fact that she broke up with you and there is no relationship between you. This is harsh but once you accept this you will be better off emotionally.

 

You see, people change all the time. Love is an ephimeral feeling. So what she is saying now might not truly reflect what she might have felt then.

 

From what i've learned from life is that you should never prioritize someone in expense of yourself. You may have been the perfect bf according to you but from her perspective you have been needy. Learn from this.

 

It is hard but you should go NC. Do not expect anything.

 

Do not pursue her or try to win her back. Concentrate on your exams. And another way to move on is to point out all the bad things in your relationship and concentrate on them. It will help you move on.

[Been]

First off in the future if your woman is facebooking a man that you don't know about that's. Huge red flag. Don't wait around to hear her explain the situation-take charge and leave.

Too often a lot of people want to know the whys and what not on why someone does something when really all you'll get is half the truth if your lucky. And even if you find out the truth it doesn't change anything. A person lies to you multiple times it's a bad sign. TRUST is huge in any relationship and without it a relationship is no good. LYING kills any trust.

You have to have basically a list of what you expect in a relationship and what you won't tolerate. If your SO is always crossing that line on what you don't tolerate you need to leave.

[Sequitur328]

Hey man, sounds like you are really going through a tough time. I believe a little bit of time will heal you a bit but in the mean time if you need someone to talk to I would be more than happy to chat. Let me know.

[MrIncognito]

I greatly appreciate everyones input. I just keep telling myself to hold off any emotions until next week after finals and then I can let it out and cope with it then, but its not worth losing my future over this... Trying to get into medical school, so I can't have any mess ups along the way. You've all made me feel better, sometimes you just need a couple people to tell you what you might not be letting yourself see... Love is blind.

[biggie]

Bro I feel so bad for you, I am in a very similar position where my gf left me due to lost feelings. I'm so sad too so if you need someone to talk to I'm here bro. It's so hard but do your best to focus and when you can't just let it all out. Cry if you have to. It helps a lot. Time will heal and even for me I miss her everyday and think about her all the time but you have to perfect yourself bro. Go out, goto the gym and live the best life you can. That's the sweetest revenge.

 

Take care bro and were all here for you )))