6 dates, sex, and now silence

[SunnySide0418]

I didn't read every post so I don't know if this was mentioned .. but .. my guess would be he was disappointed with the sex. Any guy who had great sex with a girl will tell her and not pull this crap, sick or not. It's pretty obvious considering he changed the morning after, again.. sick or not. He's keeping her around as an option. I wouldn't give him any more effort. You deserve better.

[ElizabethIII]

He left his shirt behind... what to do with that...

 

Keep it. If he doesn't ask for it back and doesn't see you again, just dump it.

 

I left an article of clothing at an exes place, even though I wanted it back I just left it there. I didn't want to contact him to get it back.

 

In fact if this guy doesn't even ask for it back, that makes it worse. It shows he doesn't even want to see you to get his clothes back.

[fenix]

Please check my update.

 

I have checked... he still keeps iniciating contact...so what do you expect? Specially if you behave around him in the same way than in here... clingy,insecure, needy and bipolar (one moment you are moaning his absence and the next one you are dating other guy).

 

I think he still have an interest on you but that is because he has not a remote idea of all what you have written in here...my advise is that when some is nice to you and you are interested in that someone you may want to give him the benefit of the doubt next time... you can always complain if indeed the guy ghost on you...

[Eternal Sunshine]

Regarding the last update: what were your text exchanges before the sex?

 

They sound so dry and like chit/chat small talk. There doesn't seem to be any emotion. At this stage of dating, he should sound more excited, making future plans, talking how much he enjoys being with you, telling you he is missing you, telling you sweet stuff like "remember that time you did...".

This is a level of chat you have with an acquaintance, not someone you are intimately involved with.

[Arieswoman]

Winny,

I know this is tough on you but hopefully you'll have learned from it.

 

And this is one of the hardest lessons I had to learn when I was divorced and dating - when to cut your losses.

 

I had literally dozens of dates where the guy ghosted, it happens and it doesn't reflect on you.

 

I had a few dates with two guys who I really liked and then found out they were married. I dumped them and spent the rest of the week crying my eyes out with sheer frustration and disappointment. Then I moved on.

 

I didn't trust my own judgement because I was new to dating. So I operated on the "no sex without monogamy" principle.

In the relationships I had, I waited months to sleep with the guy. They still didn't work out but at least I knew they guys were genuine, and I didn't feel "set-up"

 

Maybe you could take it a bit slower next time?

[winny]

 

Maybe you could take it a bit slower next time?

 

Thanks, I think that's what I was doing till date so guys were ghosting before sex... and that also hurt as much...

[winny]

Regarding the last update: what were your text exchanges before the sex?

 

They sound so dry and like chit/chat small talk. There doesn't seem to be any emotion. At this stage of dating, he should sound more excited, making future plans, talking how much he enjoys being with you, telling you he is missing you, telling you sweet stuff like "remember that time you did...".

This is a level of chat you have with an acquaintance, not someone you are intimately involved with.

 

The simple answer is that he was more affectionate in person than on texts. Sometimes he would be all excited on text and sometimes totally dry...

[winny]

I'm so glad to hear that

 

Letting him and this stressful situtation go will be such a relief for you

 

You'll be able to breathe

 

I know... still having a hard time accepting what has happened...

I always knew of this possibility but frankly his post sex behavior put me totally at ease when he took me out and was so affectionate and kissing me and holding hands in public and even back at home he was being so playful and doing cute things and teasing me and slept off spooning me in his arms... I slept such a happy relieved person.. and now... even when he woke up in the night once, he was being sweet and funny and affectionate... and around 3-4 hrs later... something changed...

[travelbug1996]

Lame and inconsistent communication from a man is a complete turnoff. Block his number. He sounds like a time waster and not serious about you. Just meh

[winny]

Got a text from him few mins back -

 

"Hey"

 

Just that... nothing else... wow!!!

[selinaluv]

Got a text from him few mins back -

 

"Hey"

 

Just that... nothing else... wow!!!

 

I would ignore that. No response and make him step up his game. If he doesn't, then it ends this sooner than later.

[travelbug1996]

he's throwing you some bread crumbs. block him

[TheTraveler]

I have also been thinking as to why he is keeping this bit of communication going... whether he wants to keep me around as an option... Last Tuesday he was so affectionate and so sweet and inviting me to dinner and this Tuesday... well....

 

I have been in similar situations though I went about it differently getting the sex. From my experience, he's really not that into you whether it's physical or mental. Something is missing from you that he doesn't like about you. In time I eventually fade, but sometimes it's nice to text back here and there even though I really don't want you anymore.

[ashy555]

He said 'hey'?????

 

 

Pffffffffffffff pathetic.

 

He has to put in more work than that. Don't reply. If he really really likes you, he will message you something a little more appropriate than that. Sounds like hes starting to just string you along.

 

Just recently i met a guy who seemed very into me. Couldn't wait to see me again. I could tell he was losing interest eventually (someone shinier must have waltzed past)

He still messaged me, but the messages were boring and stupid. I asked him out as a last option. He said yes. I said 'cool, maybe next weekend. Let me know' He stopped replying and never messaged. I got the msg loud and clear and instantly felt better. Although I only went on one date with him so wasn't that invested.

 

So you could even ask him out one more time point blank.

 

If he makes up an excuse and doesn't follow through, then you know for sure he's checked out and can move on. I promise you will feel better and less anxious.

[MarkIVSteel]

If you ignore him when he's reaching out to you, all you're telling him is you don't care and you'll only push him further away. Think wisely before you ignore him.

[TheTraveler]

I have been in similar situations though I went about it differently getting the sex. From my experience, he's really not that into you whether it's physical or mental. Something is missing from you that he doesn't like about you. In time I eventually fade, but sometimes it's nice to text back here and there even though I really don't want you anymore.

 

Since I cannot edit, sometimes I will eventually set up another date with someone in this situation and go all the way again(sex) and have sex again in the AM. All it does is confirms what I feel inside i.e. I am done

 

Wanted to provide some insight

[winny]

 

So you could even ask him out one more time point blank.

 

 

I am not asking him out.

It's been 5 days of uncertainty... I can't take it anymore...

 

I am just an option to him now... I have been there and it sucks... I am not going there again... time to cut my losses...

[winny]

Since I cannot edit, sometimes I will eventually set up another date with someone in this situation and go all the way again(sex) and have sex again in the AM. All it does is confirms what I feel inside i.e. I am done

 

Wanted to provide some insight

 

Thanks..!! I get what you mean.

[joseb]

Can you please share your thoughts about my new update?

 

Hard to tell really. He is communicating... I wouldn't bother doing that personally if I had no interest.

 

Could be he is unsure/undecided.

Might be that he wasn't into the sex that much.

Or might be he is not getting a good vibe from you and is feeling the situation out..

How confident was he asking you out before?

Was he wishy washy or very definite?

[winny]

Could be he is unsure/undecided. - I am inclining towards this now.

Might be that he wasn't into the sex that much. No idea. Frankly I am feeling like just asking him.. LOL

Or might be he is not getting a good vibe from you and is feeling the situation out.. I don't think so.. he had told me in person that he is getting all the signals from me that I like him as much as he likes me.

How confident was he asking you out before? Very

Was he wishy washy or very definite? Never wishy washy

[fenix]

Could be he is unsure/undecided. - I am inclining towards this now. If you stop behaving so clingy and insecure maybe he will stop with his second thoughts if he has any

Might be that he wasn't into the sex that much. No idea. Frankly I am feeling like just asking him.. LOL I doubt this would be the issue... you would have to be terrible to scare him off...

Or might be he is not getting a good vibe from you and is feeling the situation out.. I don't think so.. he had told me in person that he is getting all the signals from me that I like him as much as he likes me. I am actually totally inclined about this topic, seeing the mountain that you have done about this and the fact that you run to date another guy when there was something that made you feel insecure... if he has felt that vibe he may have second thoughts

[Arieswoman]

Winny,

This chap is a prat who's just messing you about, and you are allowing it.

 

You have got far too invested in some guy who isn't worth diddly squat.

 

Stop it now.

 

Block, delete, move on.

 

You deserve better than this, but you won't find it if you waste brain-power tying to figure out someone else's motivations.

 

Good luck x

[winny]

Okay guys, I am going to end this thread from my end here.

 

Thanks for all your inputs and time.

 

Some of you think I am at fault because I expected him to continue his affection the same way as before and that I should date only one guy at a time even if he hasn't proven his potential or given his commitment to me.... while the remaining of you think that I am okay to be anxious at such a vulnerable point.

 

You helped me to see both sides of the picture... but I think I am ready to close this chapter now.

 

Cheers!!!