Jump to content

6 dates, sex, and now silence

winny

By winny
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

Posted
Posted (edited)

Are we really, really debating this?

Selling pipe dreams for the poor girl!

 

The guy is obviously over her, either he did not enjoy the sex, or he is just that kind of guy who disappears after sex

 

This guy can't disappear right away, he is doing it slowly

 

A sore throat. Really?

Really?:laugh:

 

When did a sore throat ever stopped you from going to work, studying, watching tv, browsing the internet or something easier than that, texting!

 

Why are we telling this girl not to move on and date other guys.

how is that unfair to other guys.

 

a date never kills anyone.

 

I hope you learn from this that if you don't want to be ghosted, you should try to wait on the sex and even that won't guarantee it.

 

 

You can stop texting him or replying .

You kinda feel it. You wouldn't have asked us if you didn't feel he was not the same person after sex.

 

 

and for the other girls who get ignored after sex.

Don't just let it in your heart

the sadness, the shame, the anger. Why do we do that? I mean

we should always tell the next person what we really think of them!

Using girls for sex and then ignoring them, how classic, and how low!

 

Tell the guy exactly what kind of garbage he really is, then block him forever!

 

But, this is not for the op, since the guy is obviously not gone yet. I am talking when you are sure the guy has ignored you after sex.

Don't just let him go without giving him a piece of your mind! (It will make you feel better, letting it in, just keep it as unfinished business)

 

 

PS. Making out in the morning is not a thing for many people.:sick::sick: I won't consider it a red flag, some people hate it!

Edited by Noproblem
  • Like 4
morrowrd Established Member

morrowrd

Posted
Posted

I'm pessimistic about his "sickness" - a sore throat? C'mon, he spent more time making out with you with a sore throat than I've ever done without one, he's getting cold feet in my opinion. If he's so into you, he's not going to let a little thing like that stand in the way of seeing you, hanging out.

 

Give him space, see what happens. I'm betting he's trying to extract himself, but we'll see.

  • Like 3
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

The guy is so disabled with sore throat that he can't summon enough energy from bed to send a 2 second text saying "Still feeling like s$%. Thinking of you x".

 

Please :rolleyes:

  • Like 11
fenix Established Member

fenix

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am curious how the guy has behaved the last day... OP has not talked about it since the last time she confirmed that the guy initiated contact... My bet is that OP feels ashamed that now the guy is again the same guy as before he got sick.

 

Some people just want to be let alone when they are sick ( I am one of those). Is not about incapability of sending a text... it is about not feeling like doing anything else that being in bed and rest...

Edited by fenix
ElizabethIII Established Member

ElizabethIII

Posted
Posted
Never meant to suggest anything about being a better person. Simply explaining that if I was interested in someone, I would not give up so quickly.

Unless you have held stuff back, I don't see his behaviour as that weird at all, as he is sick.

 

If you really are not into this guy, then that's completely different. No need to wait, go multi date.

 

I'm just going by what you said first...you were crying, unable to eat. If I was in a state like that, I'd probably have to stay away from dating for a long time. This is why I find it hard to understand.

 

If you're crying and unable to eat and you go dating the only thing that happens is you get attached to the first person who says a kind word to you and the cycle begins again.

  • Like 5
Lorenza Established Member

Lorenza

Posted
Posted

I understand the OP and her anxiety.

 

Sex messes with a woman's brain. That's why we are more vulnerable after having an intercourse with someone and that's also why casual sex doesn't feel good for so many of us. It's just biology. Sex make women release certain hormones that create bonding and trust. So naturally, disappearing right after it makes us feel betrayed.

 

Personally, I'm fed up with excuses. If you care about someone, you find time and strength to let them know that. Unless you're in a hospital, burning up with fever or having other serious symptoms - you are capable enough to send a sweet short text letting the other person know you'll get back to them as soon as you feel better. Having a cold is not dying and I'm done with excuses like that.

 

I'd advise OP to not put up with shyt like this. This is a hint of what it's gonna be in the future. Even if he gets back to you, ignore this at your peril. Everyone talking about "space" and "neediness" is just examples of how detached people are nowadays. You can sleep with someone and have zero responsibility of their feelings. Everyone lives just for themselves.

  • Like 10
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
I understand the OP and her anxiety.

 

Sex messes with a woman's brain. That's why we are more vulnerable after having an intercourse with someone and that's also why casual sex doesn't feel good for so many of us. It's just biology. Sex make women release certain hormones that create bonding and trust. So naturally, disappearing right after it makes us feel betrayed.

 

Personally, I'm fed up with excuses. If you care about someone, you find time and strength to let them know that. Unless you're in a hospital, burning up with fever or having other serious symptoms - you are capable enough to send a sweet short text letting the other person know you'll get back to them as soon as you feel better. Having a cold is not dying and I'm done with excuses like that.

 

I'd advise OP to not put up with shyt like this. This is a hint of what it's gonna be in the future. Even if he gets back to you, ignore this at your peril. Everyone talking about "space" and "neediness" is just examples of how detached people are nowadays. You can sleep with someone and have zero responsibility of their feelings. Everyone lives just for themselves.

 

I'd advise OP to not put up with shyt -- Wise words, Lorenza, and ones you need to embrace for yourself.

  • Like 2
BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

Posted
Posted

I think that's why you need to be skeptical of guys who come very strong right away. It cannot be genuine. You don't even know me, how can you be so smitten? Do we women really believe that we are so special that a guy will lose his shyte over us as soon as he lays eyes on each and every one of us? Common!

 

I didn't date that way, I went super duper slow and I've never been dumped after sex, because sex didn't happen until a heluva lot later and what guy who was in the game for an easy lay had time for someone like me? Dated over 30 guys had sex with 2 and the second one will be my husband soon. Dated the first one for 4 months.

  • Like 6
Rockdad Established Member

Rockdad

Posted
Posted

If ages were mentioned I missed it. None the less no matter how old they are the whole scenario sounds pretty high school acting.

Robert Established Member

Robert

Posted
Posted

note from moderation: please stick to the thread-starter's specific situation or do not post in this thread. We've deleted about 7 posts that were off-topic. Thank you. ~6

  • Author
winny Established Member

winny

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Dear Friends,

 

I was going to wait till tomorrow to post here and provide a more clear picture. But since many of you sound curious so I am putting an update today.

FYI - I have not read all the comments here since yesterday so sorry about that. I was getting some work and studies done since I was neglecting those stuff due to this.

 

As you know I had dropped him a text on Sunday morning asking about his health after a whole day of silence on Saturday.

Sunday afternoon he responded saying "Feeling slightly better thanks" to which I responded an hour or so later saying "Glad to hear" He texted me "How are you" and I responded few hours later "I am good, was busy with my study assignment. Are you planning to go to classes tomorrow or take a day off?"

He responded saying "Wish I could but I have a presentation so I have to go."

I left it at that but around 11:30 pm on Sunday night I got a text from him - "What is your assignment about?" I explained to him over text. He asked a follow up question and we exchanged few texts (he was responding fast and in sentences instead of one words like he did on Friday) and he said he is still very tired and sore. When he said he is sleepy (around 12:30 am) I wished him good night but got no response back.

 

On Monday morning (yesterday), I got a text from him around 8 am saying "Same." I didn't know what he meant but assumed he is saying his health hasn't improved since last night. Anyways I sent him a "Have a good day" text.

Afternoon I sent him a picture message of a poem I like and he responded after an hour "Classic. That is a good one". Later in the evening I asked him a question. Generally we asked each other such questions about different scenarios and incidents to get to know each other better. So I asked something on that line and added that he should answer only if he is feeling well. After 1 or 2 hrs he responded saying - "I am not feeling well.. but... <a bit vague answer to the question>" I responded after an hour saying "Hey I am so sorry you have been feeling so sick lately and I would love to know more about your answer when you are feeling well and can talk about it, for now I think I will let you rest" and I sent a cute good night picture message. Some time later I got a response "Good night sweetie"

 

Today there has been no texting yet. I am planning to wait and see if he initiates anything on his own.

 

My hopes did went up a bit when on Sunday night when he initiated a text and asked about my assignment and had follow up questions and after 4 days he used a word of affection "sweetie" while wishing me good night last night but I still am not sure what's going on in his mind.

 

Also I have been busy with work and studies and have not been dating or seeing any other guys at the moment.

 

~winny

Edited by winny
Sara1989 Established Member

Sara1989

Posted
Posted

What I realised from dating is your gut instinct is usually correct.

 

I am sorry :( but that guy sounds pretty manipulative to me and I dont think you saw the real him. It was all an act to get you in bed.

 

You could have waited but I bet the outcome would have been the same, the thrill for him was wooing you. Thankfully I think most guys who want just sex would not go through all the effort he did, so dont let him put you off.

  • Like 5
olivetree Established Member

olivetree

Posted
Posted

To be honest it sounds like he is unsure about you.

 

He may have been keen at first but has suddenly lost interest. It actually sounds like it started before you had sex, when he realized that inviting you to Thanksgiving was not the best idea. Or maybe it was all a ploy to make you think he was really into you. Who knows!

 

A guy calling me his princess and inviting me to Thanksgiving so soon (and then cancelling it) would have me wondering if he's on the rebound. It's just not very sincere.

 

Anyway, he is now pulling away and you need to concentrate on how you feel about that and what you want from a man. If you want to be with a guy who is consistent and does not make you wonder how he feels, then you toss out the ones that don't live up to your standards.

 

He should be setting up another date with you, not making chit chat. It seems like he is keeping you on the back-burner now. You should be pulling back way more than you are.

  • Like 4
  • Author
winny Established Member

winny

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
To be honest it sounds like he is unsure about you.

 

He may have been keen at first but has suddenly lost interest. It actually sounds like it started before you had sex, when he realized that inviting you to Thanksgiving was not the best idea. Or maybe it was all a ploy to make you think he was really into you. Who knows!

 

A guy calling me his princess and inviting me to Thanksgiving so soon (and then cancelling it) would have me wondering if he's on the rebound. It's just not very sincere.

 

Anyway, he is now pulling away and you need to concentrate on how you feel about that and what you want from a man. If you want to be with a guy who is consistent and does not make you wonder how he feels, then you toss out the ones that don't live up to your standards.

 

He should be setting up another date with you, not making chit chat. It seems like he is keeping you on the back-burner now. You should be pulling back way more than you are.

 

 

I did think about the highlighted part myself.... but since we just had 5 dates till then I didn't take the cancellation seriously. In fact I felt bit relieved.

I have also been thinking as to why he is keeping this bit of communication going... whether he wants to keep me around as an option... Last Tuesday he was so affectionate and so sweet and inviting me to dinner and this Tuesday... well....

Trying to keep my focus on work but feeling low intermittently. Too much emotionally exhausting to go from such highs to such lows....

Edited by winny
  • Author
winny Established Member

winny

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thankfully I think most guys who want just sex would not go through all the effort he did, so dont let him put you off.

 

 

I agree to this point... I never had sex with any guy who I met online before this and it was only because he never gave me any red flags and treated me so well that I started to think he has potential... till we woke up that Friday morning...

 

 

The other guys put minimum effort and ghosted after 3rd or 4th date when I didn't have sex.

 

 

Don't know which one hurts more though.....

Lorenza Established Member

Lorenza

Posted
Posted
I did think about the highlighted part myself.... but since we just had 5 dates till then I didn't take the cancellation seriously. In fact I felt bit relieved.

I have also been thinking as to why he is keeping this bit of communication going... whether he wants to keep me around as an option... Last Tuesday he was so affectionate and so sweet and inviting me to dinner and this Tuesday... well....

Trying to keep my focus on work but feeling low intermittently. Too much emotionally exhausting to go from such highs to such lows....

 

I've been with the pull-push guy for almost a year. It never get less emotionally exhausting.

 

Some guys are affectionate and sweet while they are longing for an intercourse and the sexual tension is still on. Once the tension gets released, they just don't feel affectionate anymore.

  • Author
winny Established Member

winny

Posted
  • Author
Posted

 

The whole thing is a total knee jerk reaction.

 

Can you please share your thoughts about my new update?

  • Author
winny Established Member

winny

Posted
  • Author
Posted
My bet is that OP feels ashamed that now the guy is again the same guy as before he got sick.

 

 

Please check my update.

Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted

Hi winny :)

 

I've been following this thread

 

You're gut is telling you something is off because it is...never ignore your gut...trust me

 

This guy is lame/weak/half a$$er

 

If I were you I'd pull wayyyy back....as in....not in the same universe as him

 

I'd be totally turned of by a guy who had sex with me....cut way down on the texting right after sex because of a "sore throat" and still isnt ramping up the communication

 

I wasted time on a guy who was a poor/distant communicator before....my gut was also telling me something was very wrong too...I will never do that again

 

You deserve better than this winny...next him and take your power back

  • Like 9
ElizabethIII Established Member

ElizabethIII

Posted
Posted

Those text exchanges are just chit chat. The kind of conversation I'd have with a friend.

 

he wasn't saying as soon as I am better, I'll take you here, we'll meet and do this, I'll make it up to you, etc.

 

Nothing.

 

he is just not interested. I would fall off the face of the earth and dont text him again. unless he offers to take you out or calls you.

  • Like 6
  • Author
winny Established Member

winny

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Hi winny :)

 

I've been following this thread

 

You're gut is telling you something is off because it is...never ignore your gut...trust me

 

This guy is lame/weak/half a$$er

 

If I were you I'd pull wayyyy back....as in....not in the same universe as him

 

I'd be totally turned of by a guy who had sex with me....cut way down on the texting right after sex because of a "sore throat" and still isnt ramping up the communication

 

I wasted time on a guy who was a poor/distant communicator before....my gut was also telling me something was very wrong too...I will never do that again

 

You deserve better than this winny...next him and take your power back

 

I agree and I am not texting him anymore....

  • Like 3
  • Author
winny Established Member

winny

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I would fall off the face of the earth and dont text him again. unless he offers to take you out or calls you.

 

That's my plan...

  • Author
winny Established Member

winny

Posted
  • Author
Posted

He left his shirt behind... what to do with that...

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted
He left his shirt behind... what to do with that...

 

Put it in a bag at the bottom of your wardrobe and if he hasn't made contact in a week or so give it to a Charity Shop :)

  • Like 3
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
I agree and I am not texting him anymore....

 

I'm so glad to hear that

 

Letting him and this stressful situtation go will be such a relief for you

 

You'll be able to breathe :)

  • Like 2
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...