Ghoster came back. Now what?

[iphone_user1]

I got ghosted after asking her out on a third date. She said she'd let me know if she's free the day of the date, never heard from her until 3 weeks later. She was like hey how you been doing?... How do I handle this? Should I just respond and keep it cool as if nothing had happened?

[winny]

It is obvious you are not her first choice. Ask her directly why she ignored you and why she is back now.

[Gaeta]

Ignore her.

 

She is bored or got dumped by her choice number 1.

 

No point asking her why she never replied she will just feed you a bunch of excuses. She is a flake. This is not the type of woman you want in your life.

[iphone_user1]

Ignore her.

 

She is bored or got dumped by her choice number 1.

 

No point asking her why she never replied she will just feed you a bunch of excuses. She is a flake. This is not the type of woman you want in your life.

 

Yeah, I just read the message, didn't reply.

 

What if she ask me out?

[Gaeta]

Yeah, I just read the message, didn't reply.

 

What if she ask me out?

 

Tell her she does not have the type of character you are looking for.

 

I was online close to 4 years. I had many ghosters coming back. Out of inexperience I have often given them a second chance. NONE of them turned into a happy ending story. Actually none of them turned into dating at all. They eventually ghosted again.

[ElizabethIII]

Yeah, I just read the message, didn't reply.

 

What if she ask me out?

 

I went back out with a ghoster, it was actually quite funny seeing them wriggle out of it and make excuses.

 

Then they ghosted again and are now back 3 months later. I am now giving them the run around....it is quite funny.

 

If she asks you out....do you want to go? If you want to go then go. If you dont want to go then ignore her message.

[ExpatInItaly]

If she asks you out, I would remind her that she already had that chance and that your offer is no longer in effect.

 

She isn't back for the right reasons. Don't bother with her.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Ghostbusters?

 

Honestly, sounds like she found a better option that didn't work out and now she will ghost you again when something better comes along.

 

I'd ghostbust her.

[Grapesofwrath]

Rather than ghost her back, I'd send a quick text.

 

"Thanks for reaching out. Not interested. Wish you well."

[BoatsBoatsBoats]

Yeah, I just read the message, didn't reply.

 

What if she ask me out?

 

That's when you reply "Naah I'm good", lean back and smile to yourself with a sense of satisfaction.

[mortensorchid]

I wish I knew every reason why people ghost on others. Mostly it's because they don't want to commit to that person, but there might have been someone else too. Whatever the reason, it's not meant to be with this woman. Try to move on.

[LonelyInsomniac]

I'm actually engaged to someone who basically ghosted me 8 years ago.

 

Was it someone else? No. Well. Not romantically, at least.

 

My ghoster got sucked into a cult. I was also incredibly socially unskilled.

 

We're both way better catches since then.

 

That's not going to be what happened to every ghoster (at least I certainly hope not!), but sometimes it is actually something other than "found something better".

 

If you're still interested, go for it with a pragmatic mind. I figured nothing would really come of the date, and boy was I wrong!

 

If you're not, no need to be coy: show them how it's done. Tell them briefly that you're not interested, that the ghosting is the primary reason why, and hope that succinct illustration of cause/effect + being forthright gives them an example of how to do it in the future.

 

I think a lot of people would do better with hearing "hey, I'm actually going on a few dates with different people because I'm not sure what I'm looking for yet - would you mind dating again if I can't get you off my mind?" than just being hung out to dry.