cherie88 Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 So there's this guy I've been seeing for almost 4 months. I got really attached to him and got him soccer tickets for him trying to take interest in the things he liked etc. I felt like the relationship however wasn't reciprocated in terms of communication and later I asked if he was seeing anyone else he said no he was only seeing me but wasn't ready for a relationship ...I thought maybe he thought were rushing but when I came over one night and he introduced me to his friends as a friend it bugged me. I decided to tell him that our communication sucks and I wanted to be more serious he simoly told me hates being attached but he will try to improve his communication and how we should just be friends. Two weeks later I never heard from him , decided to move on and go on a few dates. Coincidentally he saw me at restaurant bar with another guy but we pretended we didn't see eachother. The next morning he asked me if I am with someone else or seeing someone else. Why do I feel guilty ? Am I over thinking this?
Gaeta Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 The next morning he asked me if I am with someone else or seeing someone else. Why do I feel guilty ? Am I over thinking this? You have no reason to feel guilty. He made you waste 4 months on him. He doesn't want you for girlfriend he has made that clear. Now he is curious if you have replaced him. It's just his ego, it means nothing. Don't reply to him. 4
Author cherie88 Posted November 27, 2016 Author Posted November 27, 2016 I wish I didn't reply now I ended up saying this: Can I ask you this-would you care if I was? I feel like I've been getting mixed messages from you ..won't lie It's something I've been thinking about. I had a lot of feelings for you at one point and the thing is till this day I still kind of do, I assumed when you said you wanted to be just friends you wanted me to move on ... And at the end of the day it's not fair to me if I wait around till you think you're ready and I barely hear from you. I would be hurting myself. 1
Gaeta Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 I wish I didn't reply now I ended up saying this: Can I ask you this-would you care if I was? I feel like I've been getting mixed messages from you ..won't lie It's something I've been thinking about. I had a lot of feelings for you at one point and the thing is till this day I still kind of do, I assumed when you said you wanted to be just friends you wanted me to move on ... And at the end of the day it's not fair to me if I wait around till you think you're ready and I barely hear from you. I would be hurting myself. He was only interested in keeping you as a FWB. Send another text: For these reasons it's better we do not remain in contact. Good luck with everything. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 So there's this guy I've been seeing for almost 4 months. I got really attached to him and got him soccer tickets for him trying to take interest in the things he liked etc. I felt like the relationship however wasn't reciprocated in terms of communication and later I asked if he was seeing anyone else he said no he was only seeing me but wasn't ready for a relationship ...I thought maybe he thought were rushing but when I came over one night and he introduced me to his friends as a friend it bugged me. I decided to tell him that our communication sucks and I wanted to be more serious he simoly told me hates being attached but he will try to improve his communication and how we should just be friends. Two weeks later I never heard from him , decided to move on and go on a few dates. Coincidentally he saw me at restaurant bar with another guy but we pretended we didn't see eachother. The next morning he asked me if I am with someone else or seeing someone else. Why do I feel guilty ? Am I over thinking this? The over-thinking on your part is wondering whether YOU made a mistake about this guy. YOU DIDN'T. He was not invested in you and doesn't want to be with you. Move on as you were doing and don't look back. 3
LargoLagg Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 I wish I didn't reply now I ended up saying this: Can I ask you this-would you care if I was? I feel like I've been getting mixed messages from you ..won't lie It's something I've been thinking about. I had a lot of feelings for you at one point and the thing is till this day I still kind of do, I assumed when you said you wanted to be just friends you wanted me to move on ... And at the end of the day it's not fair to me if I wait around till you think you're ready and I barely hear from you. I would be hurting myself.I actually like that! Good for you for putting yourself out there. You might not get the answer you want to hear, but you're not setting yourself up for a bunch of ambiguous back and forth. Well done! Fortune belongs to the bold!
Author cherie88 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Posted November 28, 2016 I feel ashamed for what I sent him, maybe it shows that I still have feelings for him. I think the guilt comes from shaming myself to be a girl that can't be trusted or something.. all this internalized guilt makes no sense I know
LargoLagg Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 I feel ashamed for what I sent him, maybe it shows that I still have feelings for him. I think the guilt comes from shaming myself to be a girl that can't be trusted or something.. all this internalized guilt makes no sense I knowYou know what? I understand that shame. It's senseless, isn't it? You feel ashamed for something specific, but you can't quite put your finger on exactly what that is. Nothing you've done seems shame-worthy, yet there it is. I think it probably has to do with his 180; you feel like you were both headed in one direction and as it turns out, only one of you were headed that way. So now, you're ashamed at your mistake, at how you could be SO WRONG and you don't want to admit to anybody what you really thought about where you guys were, especially not him. I know that's not quite right, but it's the closest I've ever gotten to articulating that sense of shame that I felt under very similar circumstances. Still, even knowing that, I commend you for that text. It was totally ballsey. There's nothing braver than putting yourself out there so brazenly, just begging to be shot down if that's what needs to be done. Heartbreak is only for the courageous. Everybody else can't go through it.
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