Thought of gf hvg sex with a new bf is so painful it's clouding decision to break up

[Matt A]

For me, sex with her is the purest expression of our love, which I haven’t felt before. However, we are also incompatible in many ways and argue, causing us unhappiness a lot. We both know it might be best to split and she or I may, sooner or later, have the courage & maturity to end it.

 

If we break up, the thought of her making love, and I really mean "making love", not just f****g, with another man is so painful that it's clouding my judgement whether to part. I know I shouldn’t think this way. I’m sacrificing my happiness (and sanity) to stay together to avoid the thought becoming a reality.

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

[fromheart]

Let her go before things get destructive. Right now you're holding on to her in a possessive way that will become negative quickly.

 

You have some jealousy to work with, I've been there. You'll have sex again and so will she, this is part of life.

 

Let her go and move on, out of love and respect to her and yourself.

[BAcK]

So basically what you are saying is you are just holding onto her because you cannot imagine her making love with another man. The only reason you should be holding onto her and trying to make things work should be because you LOVE her.

In your case, it is simply possessiveness and jealousy. Sooner or later, the relationship will end. There is no escaping that. You need to end it now. It will spare both of you the pain.

And your happiness should be your priority. If you are not happy, how are you gonna make her happy.

As the previous poster stated, let her go and heal.

[Matt A]

Thanks for your thoughts. You are both right. I know I shouldn't let this emotion influence me. It's not the sole reason for avoiding making a decision. We have a strong connection outside the bedroom too. We both feel the happiest we've ever felt but also the most unhappy when we argue. I think the pain of arguing is so bad because the good is so good. I've never had such a tornado of emotions. I've never been on a forum of any kind before and it's hard opening myself up to judgement or criticism, but also healthy. I know a woman who told me she had the same "fear" so strong it made her nausiated. Two other friends didn't relate to it and think I need help. I agree and am seeing a therapist as I want to find a way of arguing less and also not having this thought. Although she won't join me, it is (slowly) helping me.

Edited November 27, 2016 by Matt A
to clarify what i meant