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Sex manipulation?

Healingme

By Healingme
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Healingme Member

Healingme

Posted
Posted

I have been with one partner for 12 years.

There are things that I wonder are the "norm"

My BF has been physically abuse verbally abusive and has lied and cheated for years. I have accepted a lot. He generally blames me for is quick intense anger.

 

Often he makes me say sorry during sex

"Are you sorry?"

"Tell me you're sorry"

"Tell me you love me"

"You love me?"

 

He also doesn't seem to pay attention to when he may be a bit to rough and hurt me during sex.

 

Although I usual do not say anything either.

Kinda don't want to kill the mood for him which happens if I constantly move out of a position I do not like.

 

I know I could easily say ouch or stop or nor like that..

 

I am too nervous to say these things

Expectmore Member

Expectmore

Posted
Posted

Please get help!!!

Talk to someone. Let people know first and then make a break for it.

Talk with a counsler or some one.

That is red flag behavior of someone that is going to be dangerous for you.

Most relationships when it comes to intamacy share a kindness and want to please and connect with thier partner.

Yours sounds like a need to punish.

You have more value than that.

Some one else will love you and put you first .

You have nothing to be sorry for..

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

No, these things are not normal.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

No, this is not normal. Please do t stay with a man who abuses you.

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
I know I could easily say ouch or stop or nor like that..

 

I am too nervous to say these things

 

What specifically are you afraid of?

 

Mr. Lucky

grays Established Member

grays

Posted
Posted

Nope, not normal. If a guy gets at all irritated with me during sex it's all over. To me that means either he doesn't dig me that much (if I don't really like someone, I'm much more likely to get irritated with them) or he sees me as a means to an end, getting a particular sexual experience and I'm not behaving well enough to give him that experience (that sounds like what's happening here). Either way, not what I want in my life. That's only happened once or twice in my life and I cut it off the moment I saw it.

  • Author
Healingme Member

Healingme

Posted
  • Author
Posted
What specifically are you afraid of?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I have noticed that when I stop him so I can move

 

He will easily just loose the mood and not want to continue then either that night or the next day it'll be mentioned

 

It makes me feel like I am not pleasing him I think.

MJJean Established Member

MJJean

Posted
Posted

 

It makes me feel like I am not pleasing him I think.

 

And why do you care whether or not you please a lying, cheating, abusive, so and so?

 

Your bad sex life is the least of your problems with this "man".

  • Like 1
sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

You're in an abusive relationship and you should prepare to leave. It's not normal and he's got dangerous traits, evidenced by his physical violence.

 

Please seek help.

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
I have noticed that when I stop him so I can move

 

He will easily just loose the mood and not want to continue

 

I'll just gently point out the irony of your description of sex with him as degrading, painful and uncomfortable - yet you're concerned he won't want to continue?

 

It is supposed to be pleasing and fulfilling for both of you, right?

 

Mr. Lucky

RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

Posted
Posted

From what you have described this is an unhealthy and abusive relationship on many levels.

 

Your partner should be the one person in the world that you feel safe with. That you can trust. That you know loves you and is deeply concerned about you, and your well-being.

 

This relationship doesn't sound like it includes any of this. How old are you? How old is he? When and why did you get together and why won't you stand up for yourself and LEAVE.

 

This isn't what life is supposed to be like.

  • Like 2
Caysey110504 Member

Caysey110504

Posted
Posted
I have been with one partner for 12 years.

There are things that I wonder are the "norm"

My BF has been physically abuse verbally abusive and has lied and cheated for years. I have accepted a lot. He generally blames me for is quick intense anger.

 

Often he makes me say sorry during sex

"Are you sorry?"

"Tell me you're sorry"

"Tell me you love me"

"You love me?"

 

He also doesn't seem to pay attention to when he may be a bit to rough and hurt me during sex.

 

Although I usual do not say anything either.

Kinda don't want to kill the mood for him which happens if I constantly move out of a position I do not like.

 

I know I could easily say ouch or stop or nor like that..

 

I am too nervous to say these things

really.

 

I need to hear how the conversation goes.

 

Is it before sex? During sex? or after?

 

I need context about it!

NTV Established Member

NTV

Posted
Posted

What's he asking you to say that you're sorry for?

mikeylo Established Member

mikeylo

Posted
Posted

While you acknowledge that he is abusive, well, then this is part of abuse. The important thing is why are you still with him. If you hadn't recognized it, that would have been a different thing but since you know it , then why are you staying?

  • Author
Healingme Member

Healingme

Posted
  • Author
Posted

He is 29 I am 27

Met I'm h.s.

Have a child now 8 years old.

I left for a few weeks.

 

I am in counseling I am still stuck on part blaming myself for many issues.

 

Working on leaving for good.

  • Author
Healingme Member

Healingme

Posted
  • Author
Posted
What's he asking you to say that you're sorry for?

Whatever it is that he is upset about

This is during sex..

 

Sometimes I know what he is referring to sometimes not

  • Author
Healingme Member

Healingme

Posted
  • Author
Posted
From what you have described this is an unhealthy and abusive relationship on many levels.

 

Your partner should be the one person in the world that you feel safe with. That you can trust. That you know loves you and is deeply concerned about you, and your well-being.

 

This relationship doesn't sound like it includes any of this. How old are you? How old is he? When and why did you get together and why won't you stand up for yourself and LEAVE.

 

This isn't what life is supposed to be like.

He is 29 I am 27

 

Met I'm h.s

  • Author
Healingme Member

Healingme

Posted
  • Author
Posted
really.

 

I need to hear how the conversation goes.

 

Is it before sex? During sex? or after?

 

I need context about it!

During sex..

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted

Well, he lies, cheats and is verbally and physically abusive. What he does during sex shouldn't matter, most women wouldn't sleep with him in the first place.

 

Sounds like you know what you need to do, hope you find the will to do it...

 

Mr. Lucky

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