New to dating. How do I address where this is going?

[annalilian26]

So I am very new to the dating world and have recently started dating a guy after being out of a 7 year relationship for 2 years (who I started dating at 17). This guy is also in a similar position, except he was with the girl for 10 years and they have broken up for 2 years also. I am finding it all very hard to navigate and I'm really struggling to get my head around all these rules that come with dating. Not only that, I am struggling to control my feelings and keep it all cool.

 

I met this guy on tinder, we had a great first date, we had sex on the first date and I stayed the night. When I left his house we kissed and said that we should do it again soon. The next day I sent him a text thanking him for showing me such a nice time and told him that it was nice meeting him and he responded saying that he 'had a blast' , that it was 'lovely' meeting me and that 'we should do it again sometime soon'. I haven't heard from him since (it's been 4 days). I do like the guy and would like to get to know him a bit better but am unsure if he has just let me down nicely and whether he may have actually just ghosted on me.

 

If I am overreacting and he does in fact contact me, I am not sure how I should go about addressing where it is all going. I don't think I could continue with these series of meaningless hook ups as I am more romantically inclined, but at the same time I don't want to throw myself at him and push for an exclusive relationship until I get to know him better. Unfortunately my romantic nature can get the better of me and I overlook red flags so I am hoping I can learn to tread carefully here.

 

At what timeline of the dating process does one bring this up with a potential partner without seeming like a psycho? Also, if he hasn't ghosted on me, is this actually normal for a guy to wait all this time to ask a girl out again or would this be a red flag? What would be the appropriate amount of time I should wait before I decide to move on?

Edited November 27, 2016 by annalilian26

[TheTraveler]

So I am very new to the dating world and have recently started dating a guy after being out of a 7 year relationship for 2 years (who I started dating at 17). This guy is also in a similar position, except he was with the girl for 10 years and they have broken up for 2 years also. I am finding it all very hard to navigate and I'm really struggling to get my head around all these rules that come with dating.

 

I met this guy on tinder, we had a great first date, we had sex on the first date and I stayed the night. When I left his house we kissed and said that we should do it again soon. The next day I sent him a text thanking him for showing me such a nice time and told him that it was nice meeting him and he responded saying that he 'had a blast' , that it was 'lovely' meeting me and that 'we should do it again sometime soon'. I haven't heard from him since (it's been 4 days). I do like the guy and would like to get to know him a bit better but am unsure if he has just let me down nicely and whether he may have actually just ghosted on me.

 

If I am overreacting and he does in fact contact me, I am not sure how I should go about addressing where it is all going. I don't think I could continue with these series of meaningless hook ups as I am more romantically inclined, but at the same time I don't want to throw myself at him and push for an exclusive relationship until I get to know him better.

 

At what timeline of the dating process does one bring this up with a potential partner without seeming like a psycho? Also, if he hasn't ghosted on me, is this actually normal for a guy to wait all this time to ask a girl out again or would this be a red flag? What would be the appropriate amount of time I should wait before I decide to move on?

 

Going from my own experience(i am a male) in regards to one night stands if he wanted to really see you again you would have heard from him by now(guaranteed sex) especially with the way you left and a follow up text the next day.

 

As I said, from my experience, he's really not that infatuated with you and it's more of a conquering scenario. Just my opinion...

 

Give it another day or 2 as we move back to the work week.

[winny]

Tinder is a hook up app.

He wanted to hook up and he did. Very little chance he will get back to you unless he wants to hook up again.

If you are looking for a relationship then don't hook up with guys on first date. Try to build an emotional connection first and then physical. There is no guarantee that if you wait a particular amount of time then someone will have a relationship with you... you will have to judge the individual and situation and take a decision yourself.

[TheTraveler]

Tinder is a hook up app.

 

It's not just a hookup app. That is factually wrong

[whichwayisup]

Sadly it seems he got what he wanted and now hasn't show any interest.

 

Most who are on Tinder probably are looking for quick hook ups not long term relationships.

[basil67]

First date sex can go either way. If the only want sex, then that's all it will be. If they really like you and want to see more of you, they will call.

 

My hubby and I had first date sex. I was never in doubt as to his interest in dating me further.

 

The upshot is if you can handle having sex and finding that it doesn't lead anywhere, continue as you were. But if you will find yourself feeling hurt or used, wait till you have some idea of how he feels before having sex.

[basil67]

It's not just a hookup app. That is factually wrong

 

It may not be *just* a hookup app, but that doesn't mean a fair percentage of users aren't looking for a hookup.

[thecrucible]

He is probably back on the app looking for more women. He said those things at the end of your meeting in order to leave it on a good note but judging by his lack of response, he doesn't want to pursue anything romantic.