angeleyes08 Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 Hello friends, I am back again with another unsuccessful relationship problem. I met someone end of June this years that I had the most insane connection with. We felt like we were meant to be and we fell for each other hard. I met his Mom within a week, he asked me to be his GF within a week and we travelled. He brought me flowers and surprise coffee at lunch. Just perfect things. We were so happy and he said he has not been this happy for so long. He told me form the start his ex wife still works with him. They dated for years and were married for about 4. They separated 4 years ago and she has a new bf. ALL of their friends are their friends together. I never worried about her in a sexual way. I know he was looking at her as a little sister. 3 months into our relationship he broke up with me. he was very upset. He said its not because he doesn't care but because he is not legally divorced from her. He said he can't financially afford it because he is merging a business that will require a loan, building a home etc. He said he created this looming pressure and he has baggage and he can't be the man he wants me to be. 2 weeks after we reconnected and spend Thanksgiving at his Moms and we just spent time together but not sexually because I know he didn't want me to think thats all he wanted. We again lost touch for 3 weeks and out of the blue he would msg asking me how our fish are doing and if he could come by and drop off some stuff for them. When he said me again, his eyes were watering and he said he was so happy to see me. He said he feels less stress because he is not merging business and he told his ex they need to get legally divorced and that she is no longer working for him in the new year. He asked me to go away. He took me to movies w his family, we spent all weekend together and we got intimate which he said I didn't have to do. He never talks about what he wants. I know things got too seriius for him but yet we can't stay away. I feel like when I go quite he pops back in. I don't know if I should let it be, move on or wait for him to have the talk. We make jokes that we are friends and exes yet we want to be together and do things we used to do. He tells his friends we hang out and I still go to his Moms. zI dunno what to do
spiderowl Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 He needs to make a clear break from his ex and it would be best if you kept away from him until he has done this and can prove it. He is still mixed up financially and probably emotionally. I cannot see any reason why he would need to break up with you if he has told his ex he is in a relationship with you. If he hasn't told her and she is under the illusion they might get back together (or are back together), then that would be a good reason to break up with you. Basically, whatever is going on, you would be better off staying away until he is a totally free man. He is going to try to hang on to you and to what he had in the past if he can. If you are willing to drop in and out of his life when he wants it, that would be perfect for him. It would be an emotional disaster for you though.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 I agree with spiderowl, I would stay away from him unless and until he is totally free of his ex-wife. It's an obvious source of distress if he cited a looming divorce as a reason for ending your relationship. Also, I would think carefully about why there was such a rush in the beginning. You two moved extremely quickly, which can be a sign of things to come. Relationships that start up like that often also burn out fast. Sometimes people get wrapped up in the initial rush without taking the time to really get to know the other person. Think about it: he asked you to be his girlfriend when he had known you only a few days. That generally isn't a good thing, because it can indicate the person is impulsive and makes decisions based on that thrill rather than logic and genuine desire for you to be his girlfriend. In my experience, people who rush it tend to be looking to fill a void rather than trying to form the basis for a lasting relationship. This is usually a recipe for disaster, in the long-term. Do you know why their marriage ended? Did his ex-wife know about you?
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