Yup, it happened and via text again

November 26, 2016

As I knew it was coming. My, now Ex-GF, and I just broke up.

You know, this is my second relationship in as many years that has ended via text, despite my best wishes/intentions. I called her and left a VM that we needed get together or at least talk about the relationship. I left that particular message so there'd be no doubt I was calling. After the past two weeks, I think we had both reached the point where we knew a breakup was coming, and it was more or less mutual. Well, make that, I accepted that we were going to breakup, I would have preferred we didn't.

So she responded, via FB messenger (I understand that, it's easier to type at a computer keyboard than on the phone) that she didn't want to have that conversation while she had company, and that the company would be there until late in the afternoon. She said she didn't want me to think she was ignoring my request. She wrote me a nice letter telling me that she though it best we part as friends, I'm a great guy, but she can't put the time into what I need. Wished me the best..etc.

I wrote back, saying pretty much the same generalities, agreed we should split, and wished her well. That was it..boom.

I suppose via text is ok since it was only 4.5 months. And in reality, we'd talked about everything already so there really wasn't anything more to add. I can certainly understand the allure of doing it this way, I mean, I was able to stay in my sweats in my nice warm house instead of driving 1/2 hour for a 2 minute breakup talk. But still, maybe I'm old - I mean I know I am, I'm 56 - but for some reason...even though it's done...something seems missing, without that last face to face. But it's probably for the best.

November 26, 2016

Lol, and on top of it all, I just opened my mail and get a summons for jury duty..it's been one heck of a week.

November 26, 2016

I'm sorry you're going through this Biker

What is upsetting you more, the break up via text or the break up in general?

Break ups are no fun...no matter how they're carried out

It sounds like you feel like you still have some things left unsaid...its hard to accept a relationship is over when we dont feel we have the closure we need

Write her a letter...its up to you whether you want to send it or not

Take care of yourself and I'm sorry about the jury duty too!

November 26, 2016

I'm sorry you're going through this Biker

What is upsetting you more, the break up via text or the break up in general?

Break ups are no fun...no matter how they're carried out

It sounds like you feel like you still have some things left unsaid...its hard to accept a relationship is over when we dont feel we have the closure we need

Write her a letter...its up to you whether you want to send it or not

Take care of yourself and I'm sorry about the jury duty too!

Do not write a letter. Unless you want to imagine her throwing said letter in the bin and not contacting you again

November 26, 2016

I'm sorry you're going through this Biker

What is upsetting you more, the break up via text or the break up in general?

Break ups are no fun...no matter how they're carried out

It sounds like you feel like you still have some things left unsaid...its hard to accept a relationship is over when we dont feel we have the closure we need

Write her a letter...its up to you whether you want to send it or not

Take care of yourself and I'm sorry about the jury duty too!

Thanks, Probably the breakup in general, though a short term relationship, I did really like this woman. I'm getting used to the text thing. Really, any way you cut it breaking up sucks, and at least with text/email - you avoid the face to face stuff, and can take the time to put in words what you may be to flustered to say in the heat of the moment. So no, I think we've said all that needed to be said, and I have closure.

I think it's just the old man in me that is used to face to face partings, though in truth, this was a lot easier. Again, it was a short term relationship, had it been longer, I'd definitely be upset by a text ending.

November 26, 2016

Do not write a letter. Unless you want to imagine her throwing said letter in the bin and not contacting you again

Her reaction to the letter isnt what is important...it actually irrelevant which is why he can chose to not to send it if he wishes

What is important is that he says what he needs to say so he can move on

November 26, 2016

Thanks, Probably the breakup in general, though a short term relationship, I did really like this woman. I'm getting used to the text thing. Really, any way you cut it breaking up sucks, and at least with text/email - you avoid the face to face stuff, and can take the time to put in words what you may be to flustered to say in the heat of the moment. So no, I think we've said all that needed to be said, and I have closure.

I think it's just the old man in me that is used to face to face partings, though in truth, this was a lot easier. Again, it was a short term relationship, had it been longer, I'd definitely be upset by a text ending.

I understand what you mean...I think its just the initial upset of knowing its over thats hard to swallow

Take all the time you need to process it

I had a 6 week relationship last Feburary and a 3 month relationship last August... and even though they were short relationships..it still hurt to have them end

You're human...allow yourself to be hurt....you wouldnt be human if it didnt sting a little

Do something that will make you happy tonight...have your favorite drink, or go for a walk, watch a good movie... Be kind to yourself

November 26, 2016

What is important is that he says what he needs to say so he can move on

I agree. Put it out there into the universe.

BikerAccnt, wow, I'm so sorry that this has happened. Jury duty too? Yikes?

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. I'm really sorry that you feel like there's something missing. I feel like that every time when I'm the dumpee.

I used to pour my heart out in goodbye letters. It was always bittersweet as I never got any response. I find now that when I just immediately disapear after getting my walking papers, the dumper usually gets in contact with me. By that point, I don't feel they deserve the kind words I'd usually leave them with.

Good luck in your recovery! We're here for you.

November 26, 2016

I agree. Put it out there into the universe.

BikerAccnt, wow, I'm so sorry that this has happened. Jury duty too? Yikes?

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. I'm really sorry that you feel like there's something missing. I feel like that every time when I'm the dumpee.

I used to pour my heart out in goodbye letters. It was always bittersweet as I never got any response. I find now that when I just immediately disapear after getting my walking papers, the dumper usually gets in contact with me. By that point, I don't feel they deserve the kind words I'd usually leave them with.

Good luck in your recovery! We're here for you.

I agree with Frozen

When my ex broke up with me last Feburary I went silent right away...as I do with every break up

He soon began to text me that he was sorry and he made a mistake only to hear crickets on my end

After the way he treated me...he didnt deserve to have me back or to hear any explaination from me

Best to walk away with your head held high

November 26, 2016

Aww Biker, sorry to hear this.

My impression is that I think most people prob don't break up face-to-face unless it happens in the heat of the moment or during an argument.

Is this accurate?

Unless they live together in which case there is time to have more of an on-going discussion and the letting-go process happens over more time.

Im with Disillusionment in that if you need to write her a closing letter to get stuff off your chest - do it. Especially since she had a chance to send you a letter and you didn't get to say what you needed to.

We get so caught up and become paralyzed by this fear of looking weak or too "love-lost" and the truth is we ARE love-lost, we just lost the person we loved and cared for deeply. Big deal if they see that you are hurt, you ARE hurt.

What you don't want to do is turn to her for reassurances to help you through the pain. She cannot do that for you nor should we expect the other person to. Or to keep reaching out to try to convince her to repeal the break-up that's just selfish and disrespectful of the other person's needs.

But if you want to get some last things off your chest and it will help you close the chapter, then do it.

November 26, 2016

I agree with Frozen

When my ex broke up with me last Feburary I went silent right away...as I do with every break up

He soon began to text me that he was sorry and he made a mistake only to hear crickets on my end

After the way he treated me...he didnt deserve to have me back or to hear any explaination from me

Best to walk away with your head held high

Yeah, I don't intend to contact her again, certainly not for a good while. We are both ending it with our heads held high, and on friendly terms. As of right now, we are still FB friends, but we'll see how that goes. We didn't end on a fight or on bad a bad note so, I wont be her "friend" but I will remain friendly with her.

November 26, 2016

Aww Biker, sorry to hear this.

What you don't want to do is turn to her for reassurances to help you through the pain. She cannot do that for you nor should we expect the other person to. Or to keep reaching out to try to convince her to repeal the break-up that's just selfish and disrespectful of the other person's needs.

But if you want to get some last things off your chest and it will help you close the chapter, then do it.

Thanks Sunkissed,

I won't turn to her for reassurance, or to change her mind, what's done is done. I like her, I hadn't grown to love her yet. Besides, i mentioned that though not mutual, I did understand her reasons. I was willing to work on things a bit more, she wasn't. I'm not one to try to be with someone who doesn't see a future with me. I'm not quite that masochistic.

November 26, 2016

As I knew it was coming. My, now Ex-GF, and I just broke up.

You know, this is my second relationship in as many years that has ended via text, despite my best wishes/intentions. I called her and left a VM that we needed get together or at least talk about the relationship. I left that particular message so there'd be no doubt I was calling. After the past two weeks, I think we had both reached the point where we knew a breakup was coming, and it was more or less mutual. Well, make that, I accepted that we were going to breakup, I would have preferred we didn't.

So she responded, via FB messenger (I understand that, it's easier to type at a computer keyboard than on the phone) that she didn't want to have that conversation while she had company, and that the company would be there until late in the afternoon. She said she didn't want me to think she was ignoring my request. She wrote me a nice letter telling me that she though it best we part as friends, I'm a great guy, but she can't put the time into what I need. Wished me the best..etc.

I wrote back, saying pretty much the same generalities, agreed we should split, and wished her well. That was it..boom.

I suppose via text is ok since it was only 4.5 months. And in reality, we'd talked about everything already so there really wasn't anything more to add. I can certainly understand the allure of doing it this way, I mean, I was able to stay in my sweats in my nice warm house instead of driving 1/2 hour for a 2 minute breakup talk. But still, maybe I'm old - I mean I know I am, I'm 56 - but for some reason...even though it's done...something seems missing, without that last face to face. But it's probably for the best.

Firstly, you already wrote a letter. That was good. It helped you leave with dignity. Im not saying you HAVE to leave with dignity because there isn't anything wrong with however you choose to act.

Understand though that she isn't in the headspace right now to read your letter. She is just seeing the bad things in the relatunship. Everything you do to get her back reaffirms to her why you broke up. You just push her away, and then you'll get either no response or a one sentence response and you will be more upset than you are now.

Write the letter. Put it somewhere and think about sending it in 3 months once your emotions are cooled down and you are thinking straight.

If you really want to send it at that point then def go for it.

You're just acting with emotion at the moment, it wont come across well

November 26, 2016

Firstly, you already wrote a letter. That was good. It helped you leave with dignity. Im not saying you HAVE to leave with dignity because there isn't anything wrong with however you choose to act.
Understand though that she isn't in the headspace right now to read your letter. She is just seeing the bad things in the relatunship. Everything you do to get her back reaffirms to her why you broke up. You just push her away, and then you'll get either no response or a one sentence response and you will be more upset than you are now.
Write the letter. Put it somewhere and think about sending it in 3 months once your emotions are cooled down and you are thinking straight.
If you really want to send it at that point then def go for it.

You're just acting with emotion at the moment, it wont come across well

You misread i think. I wrote her back already via messenger, and she did read it. I didn't try to get her back. I said I agree it's best we split, and I wished her well. I will not try to get her back, that's not my style.

November 26, 2016

I'm sorry to hear about the break-up. It's always tough.

I know what you mean. We are 'supposed' to meet up and have the talk face to face, but really would it hurt any less if we did? Like you say, one person has to go to see the other person, maybe to be told it's over or to tell them that it's over. It's hard whoever's territory it is on. Maybe there is something to be said for breaking up by text.

November 27, 2016

I def liked being dumped by text better.

I'd already had the talk though so was expecting it.

I def don't want to sit around listening to what I did wrong. As long as u can hold ur tongue, be gracious you'll always come out on top.

One thing the dumper won't enjoy is you agreeing. So u got that, time to look at life again solo. It's not too bad honestly

November 27, 2016

Hmm, well this was unexpected.

So a couple of people in my MC club were going to see a band up the road a bit from me, so I went to meet them. We posted on FB about it as we often do.

i just got in and check my phone and see I have a text from Ex. She said she was going to give me a call but noticed that I was out. She said if she doesn't talk to me, have a nice Christmas.

Now that's interesting, all week she doesn't talk to me, we break up over text earlier today, then wants to talk? I imagine she's feeling guilty about the texting instead of calling me part. Anyway, I'm not going to reply, it didn't ask for one and I don't really feel like replying anyway. There's nothing more to say. Just find it interesting and odd. It's really not like her.

November 27, 2016

That or she is miffed that on a Saturday night you were already out and about with your friends.

Good for you, what more is there to discuss really. She brushed you off all day "I have company" don't want to deal with this now... and then sees you out and leaves you voice message?

November 27, 2016

That or she is miffed that on a Saturday night you were already out and about with your friends.

Good for you, what more is there to discuss really. She brushed you off all day "I have company" don't want to deal with this now... and then sees you out and leaves you voice message?

I had an ex do that to me. Broke it off then a few days later started calling n texting asking where i was. Just ignored it n she went away after a while.

They aren't used to not having you around n probably believe you'll hang around as a friend for them.

November 27, 2016

That or she is miffed that on a Saturday night you were already out and about with your friends.

Good for you, what more is there to discuss really. She brushed you off all day "I have company" don't want to deal with this now... and then sees you out and leaves you voice message?

That's pretty much along the lines of what I was thinking. I'm not mad at her or anything, but if she couldn't be bothered to talk on the phone because of "company", didn't think to want to talk until after I went out - which wasn't until 9pm - what would be the point in talking now? It has all been said.

November 27, 2016

I had an ex do that to me. Broke it off then a few days later started calling n texting asking where i was. Just ignored it n she went away after a while.
They aren't used to not having you around n probably believe you'll hang around as a friend for them.

Could be. Like my other ex's, if she doesn't turn crazy, I'll remain friendly with her if I see her out and about and such, but I won't be her friend. She's still on my FB, and I don't care if she stays or not. We ended on friendly terms so for now I don't feel a need to unfriend her. I know myself well enough to not go creep her page (not that she ever posted anything other than re-posts of silly stuff) and if she want to creep mine, more power to her.

December 7, 2016

UPDATE --

Well, after the last text, Ex texted again and wanted to talk. Since she was the breakup initiator, I agreed and we had a sit down and a long talk. Went over what happened, and we decided it was too soon, and too early to trash everything just yet. So we are back on.

We'll see how this plays out. I acknowledge my issues, and she's acknowledged hers..I don't know if it really qualifies as a breakup since there was only 1 day we didn't speak..maybe just an extended disagreement?

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