elaine567 Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 I'm pretty sure the reason the OP isnt going is not because he is in pain, it's because he will look terrible, and probably turn this GF off of him and make her uncomfortable - oh look, here's my new BF complete with massive herpes warts - that sounds like a great idea. OK massive herpes warts is a bit of an exaggeration. Everyone knows that a cold sore looks like, it is hardly the pox... 2
ThisisIt606 Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 (edited) It's just a cold with a cold sore. This really feeds into the stereotype that men are such babies when they get sick. I can guarantee you, her dance performance is very important to her. It's something she's put a lot of time into and worked very hard for. As it's still a new relationship, I'm sure she's excited to show you her talent. A cold sore? well don't go kissing anyone! Drug yourself up on some cold medicine, sit there for the hour or so and tell her she did a great job. You don't have to go out with her friends after, excuse yourself for being sick and let her know you can take her out another time/meet her friends another time. I have a feeling the cold is just an excuse, are you nervous to sit with her family? Meet a bunch of her dance friends at once? This is part of being in a relationship, cheering people during their activities and just being there for them. You're not deathly ill, you'll survive, but will your relationship? From experience, by ex bf came to a performance when he was feeling very sick. We didn't hang out after but we made plans for the next day. I was really happy he made the effort to still come out and not cancel on me. Edited November 26, 2016 by ThisisIt606 1
elaine567 Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 It's just a cold with a cold sore. He doesn't have the cold, he just has a cold sore. 1
joseb Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 OK massive herpes warts is a bit of an exaggeration. Everyone knows that a cold sore looks like, it is hardly the pox... Well apparently not. I get them occasionally and they are hardly noticeable. I had no idea they could be that bad before reading this thread. Google 'bad mouth cole sores' and you might get a better understanding of where the OP is coming from. 1
ThisisIt606 Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 Get a cold sore patch, or even put a temporary bandaid over it. Tell people you cut your lip open (maybe they will think it's a lie, but noone's going to counter you asking if it's a cold sore). The dance performance will be in the dark anyways. Get their a little bit before the show starts, a brief hello to the family and then it's lights out with the patch /bandaid over the section of you lip. You'll have other times to meet them with a clean face and she will appreciate your effort showing up.
Author 4x4storm Posted November 26, 2016 Author Posted November 26, 2016 He doesn't have the cold, he just has a cold sore. But doesn't giving a good impression also come into it?
mortensorchid Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 I see both sides of this - you don't want a cold to keep you from doing something but you are aware of the nasty cold sores that will make you look less than stellar to them. If you are in raging pain and the cold sores make you look like a monster, stay home. If it's not as bad as all that, go.
b1a4 Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 ah wish I saw this thread in time, I think you could have just gone wearing a medical mask
TheTraveler Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 He doesn't have the cold, he just has a cold sore. That's a pretty wimp move OP and you should have shown face. To me, that tells a lot about your character. GL to whatever happens next
TheTraveler Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 But doesn't giving a good impression also come into it? The only person he needs to impress is his girl dancing on stage. He weaseled out of it 1
winny Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 OP was sick, in pain, not feeling comfortable with ugly cold sores and not in best of spirits - so he didn't go to a dance performance. Whats the big deal. I am sure the girlfriend would have avoided being seen this way by entire family and friends herself. My full sympathy is with OP. I have avoided important meetings with a swollen mouth which made me look like a totally different ugly disfigured person and so much pain for every word you speak... Why make everyone around you feel awkward when you show up with your herpes filled mouth... 1
Mrin Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 Should have gone. If you continue dating she will see you with cold sores anyhow. You being there despite looking and feeling like crap would have sent a clear message about how much you care to support her. Ask yourself this: would she have gone for you?
elaine567 Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 But doesn't giving a good impression also come into it? So having a cold sore gives a bad impression? Not as bad as impression as calling off because you just have a cold sore, I guess. I am sure her family knew exactly how much that performance meant to her. Are you the man to take care of their daughter, a man who will support her through thick and thin? I guess not. YOU would have got extra brownie points for showing up with a cold sore, now I guess you are in negative territory.
Author 4x4storm Posted November 28, 2016 Author Posted November 28, 2016 I still see this theead is alive and people not agreeing on my choice. And I will say after not going I felt really terrible for letting her down but I still think people are not seeing the situation properly. We aren't talking about just a little red bump that was gonna be covered up by some patches. But a massive white blister that was weeping all day what was I gonna do? Sit next to her friends and family all night with a tissue against my mouth cleaning all the disgusting stuff that was coming out? Yeah right the last thing I wanted to do embarrasse her in front of all her dance friends! I should state we are both 20 I couldn't imagine all the rumors behind her back that her new boyfriend was leaking herpes everywhere. 2
joseb Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 (edited) I still see this theead is alive and people not agreeing on my choice. And I will say after not going I felt really terrible for letting her down but I still think people are not seeing the situation properly. We aren't talking about just a little red bump that was gonna be covered up by some patches. But a massive white blister that was weeping all day what was I gonna do? Sit next to her friends and family all night with a tissue against my mouth cleaning all the disgusting stuff that was coming out? Yeah right the last thing I wanted to do embarrasse her in front of all her dance friends! I should state we are both 20 I couldn't imagine all the rumors behind her back that her new boyfriend was leaking herpes everywhere. Honestly, I can't see why half the posters don't get it. Don't worry about it OP, you made the right decision. For future, is there a way you can minimise you reaction to coldsores? Like have anti virals on hand the minute you feel a tingle? If you get them frequently then this might be an issue down the road. And if she is a dancer, I'm sure this isn't the only time she will be performing, so can't you go next time? Edited November 28, 2016 by joseb
Author 4x4storm Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 Honestly, I can't see why half the posters don't get it. Don't worry about it OP, you made the right decision. For future, is there a way you can minimise you reaction to coldsores? Like have anti virals on hand the minute you feel a tingle? If you get them frequently then this might be an issue down the road. And if she is a dancer, I'm sure this isn't the only time she will be performing, so can't you go next time? This would actually be my 2nd cold core within a week and probably 6th this year. I moved out of home this year so it's the first time living by myself so it's all pretty stressful that's what triggers them. I was given some vitamins from the doctor to take daily to minimize me getting them.
joseb Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 This would actually be my 2nd cold core within a week and probably 6th this year. I moved out of home this year so it's the first time living by myself so it's all pretty stressful that's what triggers them. I was given some vitamins from the doctor to take daily to minimize me getting them. How is your diet?
salparadise Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 Well for a quick update I tried cleaning myself up but it was just way to painful to make my lip look any better. So I took the risk and excused myself from the event I can tell right away she is not very happy with me at all and I really feel like I have shot myself in the foot. But on the other hand I just couldn't imagine showing up tonight with how i'm looking. Hey, you made the best decision you could. It was a tough situation. People need to be understanding of how you feel too –– self-sacrifice for other's expectations has to have limits. If you'd have gone, that's the first impression you would've made on all of those people. There will be other opportunities to meet them, but you only get once shot at the first impression. This was not any kind of egregious social blunder at all. Don't let people with zero empathy shame you. 1
Author 4x4storm Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 How is your diet? My diet is pretty good with the odd fast food chucked in. The week of the cold sores though I was eating fruit salads for lunch. I really do think it comes down to stress and my doctor agreed because before I moved out I would get maybe one cold sore every 3 years.
MidwestUSA Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 My diet is pretty good with the odd fast food chucked in. The week of the cold sores though I was eating fruit salads for lunch. I really do think it comes down to stress and my doctor agreed because before I moved out I would get maybe one cold sore every 3 years. I've read mixed reviews on the amino acid lysine for the prevention of cold sores. I'll let you look it up and decide for yourself, or ask your doctor. Apologies if anyone has already mentioned it. I used to get them as a kid. I had chickenpox as a young teen, and haven't had a cold sore since. Good luck, I know they're nasty and painful.
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