Is this really ok?

[So_lonely]

Hi, first time posting here.

We have been married 11 years, but the last 4 years have been difficult after moving interstate leaving behind long term friends and family. My hubby works in the city, he has a very social job and has made a large group of friends at work. They regularly hang out, during and after work, I am never invited along as someone has to watch the kids and he says I won't fit in as the crowd is not my type.

We made some non work friends together, but now they are really his friends and not 'our' friends as they have all developed an obsession with running and I am excluded from conversations. I work in health care, long and draining days, then there is housework and kids, so I do not have the luxury to go for runs that lasts hours.

All family outings is planned around his runs. When we do go on family outings that is not centred around a run on friends he is always cranky and short tempered and bored.

I have talked to my hubby about it, he says I should stop complaining, I should understand that he is a peoples person and gets his 'energy' from people, and according to him I am a loner...

I thought that married couples should get what they need from the marriage ....

[Expectmore]

This is not ok.

You should feed off each other and be a team.

Telling you that you won't fit in with that crowd is judging your ability and intelligence to be able to have a good time with other people.

There has to be an underlying issue.

What is the missing link?

Hows the sense of humor,quick wit?

Sensitive to off color jokes or horseplay?

Does he enjoy your company other times?

[hup]

Agreed, this is not ok. You're supposed to be a team, and be understanding toward each other. He decided for you that you won't like his friends?

 

If he's an extrovert as he's claiming, and you're an introvert, he should be ecstatic that you want to join him on social outings! He's making your decisions for you, don't let him. Communicate and figure out what's at the bottom of this!

[mikeylo]

Not ok.

 

You should be going with him even if you are not participating. That's how marriages work.

 

Talk to him.

[Gaeta]

These new friends don't they have wives or girlfriends he could introduce you to?

 

As an ex-military wive that moved constantly around the country I relied a great deal on my husband's social circle to make friends. Each time he made a new friend at work he would make a point to introduce me to their gf or wife.

 

That being said I didn't only rely on him to make friends, I got involved in voluntary work, night courses, hobbies, church activities that allowed me to make my own friends.

 

Finally, when a man make a complete turn around on his wife, that he becomes intolerable and unavailable it's time to look for the other woman in his life.

[eye of the storm]

You work and he works. Why does he have so much free time and you have to do all the housework? They are his kids too why is all their care falling on you?

 

You both need MC. And if he won't go, then you need IC to decide if you will continue to be his unpaid unappreciated facilitator.

[phineas]

You work and he works. Why does he have so much free time and you have to do all the housework? They are his kids too why is all their care falling on you?

 

You both need MC. And if he won't go, then you need IC to decide if you will continue to be his unpaid unappreciated facilitator.

 

This.

 

And this stood out.

 

I am never invited along as someone has to watch the kids and he says I won't fit in as the crowd is not my type.

 

I was you.

I worked full time.

My now ex-wife worked part time 2nd shift then would go out after work while I was home watching kids.

She'd be out all hrs. while I stayed home and took care of the house.

She never did when she was home during the days.

 

Truth was, she just didn't want me around for a reason.

She was telling people we were separated but still living in the same house and presenting herself as single.

 

Well I had enough and made her fantasy a reality.

I can't say your husband is doing this but it does sound like he is not interested in your feelings at all.