smoothlikejazz Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 (edited) So its that time of year again, the good ol' holidays. And this time were hosting dinner. Now Im pretty respectful but my in-laws are not and are pretty disrespectful, in the sense that they have "NO Manners"! Should I state the rules up front, or wait till something happens to address any issues that may come up.? Edited November 26, 2016 by smoothlikejazz better wording
Arieswoman Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 Personally, I think that it's your husband's job to sort out his family. What's his take on this? 3
basil67 Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 Hard to comment without more information. In what ways are they rude? 2
mrs rubble Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 They're only over for one dinner. I'd suck it up. No I wouldn't lay down the ground rules, no one appricieates a dictator. Instead set an example of how you'd like them to behave, they may learn through obsevation. Be polite. If they bring up topics that are likely to cause friction, gently and politely inform them that the topic is off limits today and change the subject. 4
LancasterAmos1966 Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 my in-laws are not and are pretty disrespectful, in the sense that they have "NO Manners" I'm guessing they have been like this for awhile; so anyone who has spent time with them obviously knows they are disrespectful and have no manners. It's no reflection on you. My vote is to also leave it go. Even if they start drama and nonsense, why ruin your special time. They obviously get a kick out of creating drama, so even if you try to stop it, they'll probably ramp it up a notch just to see you react. If they were staying for a few months, haha, then I'd say there has to be some boundaries. But, it's for a single meal; let them do their thing, and then they'll leave. Look on the bright side --- it was your turn this year, so you should be off the hook for awhile. 2
Superchicken Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 I agree with everyone here. Its only a short time that you need to be a different person. The last thing you want to do, is make it a permanent one. Who will be the better person here ?. Who has more sense to prevent a situation. If you can answer that, then you have your answer. I mean, its not like having the Manson family over is it ?. Maybe kid around with them more, and maybe break some more ice that obviously has you separated from them. The first thing we get told when working with customers is "The customer is always right". Even when dead wrong. That doesn't mean you cant scream at them and call them names in your mind. Just when you open your mouth, make sure rainbows and sunshine come out !. Last thing, remember your celebrating an event. So celebrate. Ted 2
Taramere Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 Make sure to set up a venting session with a good friend after it's all finished. I agree with everybody who says sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and tolerate other people's rudeness - but I also think it's important to be able to vent with a sympathetic friend afterwards. It reinforces that sense of "they're in the wrong not you". Because the problem with spending too much time in the company of rude people, where nobody's challenging them, is that you can become normalised to it to a degree and be left wondering "am I just too nice?" So make sure you set up that "post-spending-time-with-douchebags" venting session with a good friend. And not the type who's going to be all "well, why didn't you just say X, Y and Z? I wouldn't stand for that." More like a fellow polite traveller on the planet who understands the strain of biting your tongue around rude people. Unless you really just do opt for not taking crap from the in-laws. In which case, remember to report back to us on the ensuing drama! 2
turnera Posted November 27, 2016 Posted November 27, 2016 (edited) What I have found works really well is responding in VERY explicit, VERY honest terms, so that nobody can misunderstand you. They trash talk your mother or something: You: "It feels really disrespectful for you to come to my house as my guest and then be willfully rude about someone I care about. I'm sure you can understand. Please stop doing that. Pass the potatoes, please!" Edited November 27, 2016 by turnera
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