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She changed

Mister Owl

By Mister Owl
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Mister Owl New Member

Mister Owl

Posted
Posted

Hello, i'm a bit confused about my current relationship and i'm clueless about what should i do so i came here for advices. Let me tell you my story:

I'm in a relationship for 6 months now, but we started flirting 9 months ago. She started working in the coffee shop i was working 10 months ago, we flirted right after we met but she had a boyfriend back then but that didn't stop her from kissing me. Eventually she broke up with him and she kinda focused more on us and we ended up being together on her birthday. Our relationship was great, i fell in love with her and it was awesome but lately everything gone bad. We used to see eachother every day, talk almost permanently on Facebook and she was really showing affection (not that much but it was something). Lately we see eachother rarely, she's always tired and/or has other stuff to do, we don't talk so much like we used to, when we meet we barely talk about anything and not to mention i can't remember when we last made out, our only kisses are pecks and those are also pretty rare.

We had a huge fight once, we were both in a club where she drank a bit too much and was drinking shots with other guys (friends of hers) she ran to hug a dude the momenth she saw him and i was shocked and got angry because she was a bit too close to the dude and that ruined my night and later she went to drink a shot with her ex which made me explode and yeah...didn't end up well. When we left the club i drived her home and she cried because she felt bad because i was mad and in the morning we had a huge fight where she said she didn't do anything wrong and i'm just overeacting. After that our situation got even worse, less going out together, less talking, less kissing.

We've been together for a while now and i've never met any of her friends, like none...when we randomly met any of her friends she just talked to them never introduced me to them. Her parents don't know about me and she avoids posting pictures of us on Facebook...we have 2 photos together on Instagram (probably none of her family uses Instagram). On my side i've introduced her to all my friends and always invited her with us when we went out, told my parents about her but didn't introduce her to them because they are difficult and bla bla.

On our 5th month aniversary i bought her a necklace, i'm not that wealthy but i spend a bunch of my salary on it...she wore it 2 days then took it off.

I did talk to her, asked her what the **** happened and why are we so cold, she told me that the event from the club affected her but she still loves me and wants us to be together. I've even told her that i think she isn't happy anymore but she denied that.

Now i don't know what to do, she said everything is fine but were not as close anymore like we used to.

What am i supposed to do now?

 

PS Sorry for the wall of text but i thought you need details for a good advice. If there are other informations i need to provide please let me know.

bummer Established Member

bummer

Posted
Posted

She didn't change at all!

 

You got with her by taking her from another man when she actively cheated on him by kissing you... Now you get mad when the same pattern is emerging with you.

 

You made the wrong pick of girl to "love" my friend. Best to start preparing yourself to move on because she is!

  • Like 3
Logo Established Member

Logo

Posted
Posted
She didn't change at all!

 

You got with her by taking her from another man when she actively cheated on him by kissing you... Now you get mad when the same pattern is emerging with you.

 

You made the wrong pick of girl to "love" my friend. Best to start preparing yourself to move on because she is!

 

Once a cheater always a cheater?

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Mister Owl New Member

Mister Owl

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I wouldn't say she actually cheated since nobody but the 2 of them knew they were together. They had a secret relationship on a mutual agreement.

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted
Hello, i'm a bit confused about my current relationship and i'm clueless about what should i do so i came here for advices. Let me tell you my story:

I'm in a relationship for 6 months now, but we started flirting 9 months ago. She started working in the coffee shop i was working 10 months ago, we flirted right after we met but she had a boyfriend back then but that didn't stop her from kissing me. Eventually she broke up with him and she kinda focused more on us and we ended up being together on her birthday. Our relationship was great, i fell in love with her and it was awesome but lately everything gone bad. We used to see eachother every day, talk almost permanently on Facebook and she was really showing affection (not that much but it was something). Lately we see eachother rarely, she's always tired and/or has other stuff to do, we don't talk so much like we used to, when we meet we barely talk about anything and not to mention i can't remember when we last made out, our only kisses are pecks and those are also pretty rare.

We had a huge fight once, we were both in a club where she drank a bit too much and was drinking shots with other guys (friends of hers) she ran to hug a dude the momenth she saw him and i was shocked and got angry because she was a bit too close to the dude and that ruined my night and later she went to drink a shot with her ex which made me explode and yeah...didn't end up well. When we left the club i drived her home and she cried because she felt bad because i was mad and in the morning we had a huge fight where she said she didn't do anything wrong and i'm just overeacting. After that our situation got even worse, less going out together, less talking, less kissing.

We've been together for a while now and i've never met any of her friends, like none...when we randomly met any of her friends she just talked to them never introduced me to them. Her parents don't know about me and she avoids posting pictures of us on Facebook...we have 2 photos together on Instagram (probably none of her family uses Instagram). On my side i've introduced her to all my friends and always invited her with us when we went out, told my parents about her but didn't introduce her to them because they are difficult and bla bla.

On our 5th month aniversary i bought her a necklace, i'm not that wealthy but i spend a bunch of my salary on it...she wore it 2 days then took it off.

I did talk to her, asked her what the **** happened and why are we so cold, she told me that the event from the club affected her but she still loves me and wants us to be together. I've even told her that i think she isn't happy anymore but she denied that.

Now i don't know what to do, she said everything is fine but were not as close anymore like we used to.

What am i supposed to do now?

 

PS Sorry for the wall of text but i thought you need details for a good advice. If there are other informations i need to provide please let me know.

 

I'm sorry, but ALL the signs of someone no longer invested in the relationship.

 

You two are very young and she is in no position to be in a long-term relationship. She doesn't want to be tied down when she is young and has other options. I believe her cheating on her ex and drinking ways reveals that she is not in a position to commit to a meaningful relationship right now.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
I wouldn't say she actually cheated since nobody but the 2 of them knew they were together. They had a secret relationship on a mutual agreement.

 

Cheating is when you break a promise made to someone. It doesn't matter if only the both of them knew they were in a relationship or the entire world knew. A broken promise is a broken promise.

 

This girl has a history of flirting (kissing) other men while in a relationship and a history of keeping her relationships secrets. Why did you think she would be different with you?

 

She is not relationship material. It doesn't matter she says she wants you to be together, her actions says otherwise. My guess is she is keeping you till she finds her next guy then she'll dump you. Sounds familiar?

 

Break up at least keep some of your pride intact.

  • Like 2
Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

Posted
Posted

Sound like your a rebound or an emotional bridge to something better.

  • Like 1
ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

Posted
Posted

My ex fiancee did the same kind of thing. For me the real telling part was no pictures of us anywhere anyone would see them, yet she probably averaged taking 50 pictures a day and posted them all over.

 

I thought it was odd when she would avoid pictures with me and literally walk away if someone was taking a picture yet posing with her friends, sisters etc 5 seconds later. It was because she wanted to hide the fact she was with me. I bought her a nice and expensive watch she wanted for Christmas, she wore it once and then (even though she said she wanted a watch) said she never wears a watch when I asked where it was. She didn't want to explain where it came from since she couldn't afford it.

 

She kept me from her friends too. On the few times I met some of her friends at a party it was so clear that she wanted to almost pretend that I was just a friend that gave her a ride. If she said 4 words to me all night at a party I was surprised.

 

Your "gf" wants to appear single for someone but doesn't want to rock the boat with you. She needs something from you, hence she is "happy", whether it is money or something else. She was using her ex, probably for money etc., when she met and kissed you. Now she is just being the same person with you. She didn't change, she just hid it from you for a bit. The funny thing is you can say I know what is going on, let's end it and despite not really wanting to be with you she will deny everything like you are crazy.

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted
My ex fiancee did the same kind of thing. For me the real telling part was no pictures of us anywhere anyone would see them, yet she probably averaged taking 50 pictures a day and posted them all over.

 

I thought it was odd when she would avoid pictures with me and literally walk away if someone was taking a picture yet posing with her friends, sisters etc 5 seconds later. It was because she wanted to hide the fact she was with me. I bought her a nice and expensive watch she wanted for Christmas, she wore it once and then (even though she said she wanted a watch) said she never wears a watch when I asked where it was. She didn't want to explain where it came from since she couldn't afford it.

 

She kept me from her friends too. On the few times I met some of her friends at a party it was so clear that she wanted to almost pretend that I was just a friend that gave her a ride. If she said 4 words to me all night at a party I was surprised.

 

Your "gf" wants to appear single for someone but doesn't want to rock the boat with you. She needs something from you, hence she is "happy", whether it is money or something else. She was using her ex, probably for money etc., when she met and kissed you. Now she is just being the same person with you. She didn't change, she just hid it from you for a bit. The funny thing is you can say I know what is going on, let's end it and despite not really wanting to be with you she will deny everything like you are crazy.

 

This all reminds me...OP...

 

Your situation sounds like someone who was NEVER FULLY committed to the relationship. I stand corrected.:o

  • Like 1
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Mister Owl New Member

Mister Owl

Posted
  • Author
Posted

You're telling me i fell in love with the wrong girl?

Shouldn't i wait to see if she changes if i get a bit distant aswell?

ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

Posted
Posted
You're telling me i fell in love with the wrong girl?

Shouldn't i wait to see if she changes if i get a bit distant aswell?

 

I think you posted here all the things are wrong, you know the problems, but you want someone to say they are not really problems. You posted here for a reason, don't be surprised that people agree with you reasons for concern.

 

After 5 months, ask to meet her friends. Ask to meet her family. Try to take a picture with her and tell her it is for facebook or whatever. When she gives lame why she can't do any of those things, you'll know what's up. She's hiding your relationship, would there ever be a good reason for doing so?

MarkIVSteel Established Member

MarkIVSteel

Posted
Posted

She doesn't like you anymore and is f*cking other men.

 

Dump her and move on.

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

It's simple...this relationship has run out of steam, ran it's course, she has lost interest.....plus you over invested in someone who was not as invested as you. The red flags were there but you stupidly ignored them. You should have sent her packing the min she didn't introduce you to her friends at all or even acknowledged you as you two as being a couple.....it's inevitable, this relaiotnship is on it's way out.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

To add buying an expensive gift in hopes to improve her attraction to you is just plain dumb.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

She didn't change. She just changed your position to the one her ex had.

  • Like 3
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Mister Owl New Member

Mister Owl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think you posted here all the things are wrong, you know the problems, but you want someone to say they are not really problems. You posted here for a reason, don't be surprised that people agree with you reasons for concern.

 

After 5 months, ask to meet her friends. Ask to meet her family. Try to take a picture with her and tell her it is for facebook or whatever. When she gives lame why she can't do any of those things, you'll know what's up. She's hiding your relationship, would there ever be a good reason for doing so?

 

It wasn't always bad, we had a wonderful time together and we went out alot and everyone knows were together, from what she's been telling me her friends know about me and they even saw it from the instagram pictures she posted (all her close friends have instagram and she doesn't post pictures of us on facebook). We even went on a holiday together just the two of us and it was great, we made some photos together but none of them ended on social media. When we talk we still say "i love you" and when we hang out there are usually my friends around and we go in public. The thing is that we do not have time to spend alone.

Couple of days ago i confronted her and she said she wouldn't be with me if she didn't love me and if she didn't like spendint time with me. She promised me that if something ever happens that will make her unhappy she would tell me about it.

And the necklace i gave her wasn't to keep her closer, i was always the kind of guy who tried to spoil her as much as i could, it happened that i had a higher salary that month and wanted to give her something pretty because that's the way i am, when i love i give everyrhing i can to make the one i love happy.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

Almost everyone changes A LOT from when you meet them to the 6-12 month part. At the beginning of the relationship, we are pumped up with adrenaline and feel-good hormones. We are enthusiastic and on our best behaviour.

 

Then those hormones die down and you're left with the real person. What you are seeing now is the real her. Someone who says she loves you but who's actions show disinterest.

 

She will not change back to how she was when you first met. Nobody does that.

  • Like 2
ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

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I'm confused, your original post said her parents don't know about you, you never met her friends, when you do she doesn't introduce you, and the necklace was a big deal and she has been acting cold to you since you had the fight.

 

Now it seems like you are back pedaling and saying all of that was not a big deal. I think you know the issues but you want someone to say you are overreacting. I don't think you are.

BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
Posted

Good grief man...

 

Look, she is playing with you and the rest of the field. I don't know if you are maybe old enough to realize that.

 

She has other BF's and you are just one of them. I can't tell if you guys have had sex yet, but I hope you wore protection.

 

Yes she is screwing around on you and everyone else that she is dating.

 

She does not introduce you to her friends because she does not want her friends or her main BF to know about you.

 

What else do you need to know. Just drop her so you don't have the embarrassment of being dumped by her.

 

Are you understanding me here???

  • Like 1
LargoLagg Established Member

LargoLagg

Posted
Posted

She clearly likes you, but you like her a lot more. A LOT more. She's going to put up with this for a while, but at some point, you're going to push her over the edge and she's going to be done with you. Want to know how I know that?

 

Because you CONFRONTED her simply because she wasn't as gung-ho about the relationship as you are. That's not how healthy relationships work. You don't demand devotion, you either get it or you don't.

 

You've been warned.

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