Slimtripper Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 I read that the singer Jordan Sparks gave herself 21 days to get over her husband. I reckon it took me about 3 weeks last time in a break up as i just went right into the storm and took it head on. Then i forced myself to go out, sober i might add and i met someone who helped take my mind off things. I saw her with a new guy a month after and really didn't care. These are the rules if you are in. 1. No getting drunk. You don't want to be in a bad headspace drunk 2. You can write on this thread ONCE a day. Beginning or end it doesn't matter. You want to be able to see your progress and let your brain know you're getting better. 3. NO CONTACT. You have to have already blocked everything of theirs to join this thread. If they make contact you can let us know. But u take advice before u make any return contact. 4. You workout. Doesn't have to be every day or even at a gym, but you need to exercise and get some happy endorphins back. 5.You stop yourself talking about them in public as much as possible. Go cry with a friend if you need to, talk to people. But don't be the person in the group who is bringing them up all the time. We want to move that memory along 6. When you think about them, you do your best to push that thought out of your head. Google something, punch yourself. Don't let your brain find comfort in that thought. Let it know that feeling isn't coming back. When you get really bored get your computer out and plan some fun stuff for the next few months. Some trips, see people whatever. 7. You take the pain head on. You are hurting right now, that's fine. Know that it will get better and embrace that pain and feel it. Quicker you do that, quicker its gonna go. 8. You leave the house every day. You go to as many social functions as possible in the next 21 days. You force yourself to speak to new people. OK, who is with me? Who wants to do 21 days following these rules and reporting your progress? 1
LargoLagg Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 Unless you don't give a ****, you've forgotten to include some time to grieve. Believe me when I tell you that neglecting to do this will come back to bite you in the ass when you least expect it and certainly don't need it. It is very important to grieve. 21 days doesn't seem like enough time for someone you really care about. 2
Author Slimtripper Posted November 25, 2016 Author Posted November 25, 2016 Unless you don't give a ****, you've forgotten to include some time to grieve. Believe me when I tell you that neglecting to do this will come back to bite you in the ass when you least expect it and certainly don't need it. It is very important to grieve. 21 days doesn't seem like enough time for someone you really care about. It depends on your outlook. Like i said, last break up took me 2-3 weeks. First week has tough and then gradually it got better with me forcing myself not to do anything to bring back that memory. Maybe it wont get you over it. But its a good idea to keep your mind off everything even if it just helps you move on a little bit.
Frozensushi Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 It is very important to grieve. 21 days doesn't seem like enough time for someone you really care about. Yeah, I'm 3+ months no contact and I'm still not fully over it. Personally, me being "over" someone is when I can see them in public, walking hand and hand with my replacement and feel complete indifference. Your plan of action seems healthy, though. All the things you mentioned are great. Why set a date? Just keep doing those things until one day you wake up and the Ex is a distant memory. 2
Author Slimtripper Posted November 26, 2016 Author Posted November 26, 2016 Yeah, I'm 3+ months no contact and I'm still not fully over it. Personally, me being "over" someone is when I can see them in public, walking hand and hand with my replacement and feel complete indifference. Your plan of action seems healthy, though. All the things you mentioned are great. Why set a date? Just keep doing those things until one day you wake up and the Ex is a distant memory. Yea for sure. I just found last time it helped to document it every day. The girl i was talking about Jordan Sparks made a video every day on her social media sites. First one she was crazy, each day got less crazy and she could look back on it. If you follow all the things i said its going to be the quickest route there , however long that takes. I think 3 months is a good marker, then 6. Then after 12 months if you can comfortably see them with someone else you're done. 21 days though, if you can make the progress to be able to function, continue moving on and accept its over, that's a big step. Personally tho, i feel confident ill be done in 21! Last time i spent two days eating food from a blender but it gradually got better through a lot of talking with my friend and just accepting that i was going through pain
Author Slimtripper Posted November 26, 2016 Author Posted November 26, 2016 Yeah, I'm 3+ months no contact and I'm still not fully over it. Personally, me being "over" someone is when I can see them in public, walking hand and hand with my replacement and feel complete indifference. Your plan of action seems healthy, though. All the things you mentioned are great. Why set a date? Just keep doing those things until one day you wake up and the Ex is a distant memory. Ok just maybe change it to a 21 day challenge to see how far you can get to in 21 days following those rules.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 Love it! Great post. 6 months out and chugging along (still processing, not quite open of heart yet..) went remarkably well considering how difficult first 2 months were. Thank goodness I never ran into "them" again beyond the two times in the early stages, I think I'd be fine today though. Made a real-life friend who also went through a break up same time as me here on LS from another country and we've seen each other several times when he is in town and he helped me a LOT during the dark times (we've been there for each other). Good things happen when you least expect it. Not much more to add other than stick with it and learn to be happy alone for a while. It passes and it never ceases to surprise me how strong we really are.
DeepVibeZ Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 Time limits are a nonsense IMO. Obviously you don't want to be wallowing for years, but you can't rush grief if you want to get healthy again. You can only accept it.
Author Slimtripper Posted November 26, 2016 Author Posted November 26, 2016 Time limits are a nonsense IMO. Obviously you don't want to be wallowing for years, but you can't rush grief if you want to get healthy again. You can only accept it. Yea i've accepted it. I know there is going to be a pain in the pit of my stomach for a while and im going to deal with that and force myself to get back on track and not waste time wallowing. It isn't about the pain going away its about dealing with it and carrying on. I don't want to look back and remember 3 months of my life ground to a halt because of someone else's actions. I know ill miss them for a long time. But every day u start to think about them less OK, ill write the journal to myself. Ill report back in 3 weeks as i want to keep off here as much as i can. And if I don't report back, then you'll know im no longer thinking about it.
Author Slimtripper Posted November 26, 2016 Author Posted November 26, 2016 OK well im going to write my journal wether people like it or not Im on day two of my break up. I woke up. Had a dream that i was back in a small town with her drinking coffee. Pretty much an ideal morning. Woke up. Took an hour to get out of bed. Wrote a journal to myself. Took a shower, went running, worked out. Met up with a friend and went for a drink. Didn't talk about my ex at all to him and had a pretty good night. There were moments today. First when i was at the gym when i was thinking about my own future. That I wasn't thinking about her. There were more moments when i went out that I wasn't thinking about her. These are becoming more common the more i push myself to go out and live my life. Sorted my trip out for a week in Brazil. Was generally pretty upbeat all day. Still feel a bit weird but I really think if that was the worst day, then I can beat this and be back to somewhat normal in a couple weeks. You can say all you want that isn't enough time. But just because the feelings are still there doesn't mean i cant be fully functional and not moping about. Ive had 3 break ups in the last 10 years. Every one of them I travelled, worked harder and became more successful off the back of them. So this i think will inspire me to push even harder. Day 2 - not a problem
Recommended Posts