verhrzn Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 (edited) Recently single and, after moving out and getting situated as a single person, started hooking up with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. We've been friends for a few months, but I finally admitted I had a thing for him (he claimed he was going to ask me out once he was sure I was over my old relationship.) Although we were friends, he had always been very private about his personal life, and I was surprised to discover that despite being single for years, he's only really dated one other girl since high school. (He's late twenties.) There are many women he finds attractive, but he says he's always too shy to ask them out. Given my recent breakup, and what I thought was his personality, I figured this was going to be at best a FWB (which I was completely fine with it; I am feeling very burnt out on love and relationships.) Yet he's pushed it a little quickly into definite "relationship" territory; exclusive, sleeping over, meeting friends, talking to his folks about me, the whole shebang. Yet at the same time, he makes frequent comments about attractive women, a "player", just one who was too shy to ever get any action. He's also admitted I'm not really his physical type, but that he'd sleep with any girl who was vaguely cute and approached him. Although I really like him, I'm thinking it'd be wise to pump the brakes on dating. I now think I made a huge mistake in asking him out... that the only reason he's going out with me is because I approached him, not because he's actually really into me. I also wonder how dating him could have any kind of future; with so little experience, how could he possibly be satisfied with just me? I've always read that guys will ONLY settle down when they've played the field enough. I'm thinking I could approach it by assuring him that I'm more than willing to have an FWB; that maybe he thinks the only way he'd get laid is by claiming he wants a relationship, and that I'd be completely fine with us seeing other people too. But I'm not sure how to bring it up in a non-awkward way, especially since his friends are already calling me his girlfriend. () What do you guys think?Save Edited November 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
DK_Casus Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 (edited) Recently single and, after moving out and getting situated as a single person, started hooking up with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. We've been friends for a few months, but I finally admitted I had a thing for him (he claimed he was going to ask me out once he was sure I was over my old relationship.) Although we were friends, he had always been very private about his personal life, and I was surprised to discover that despite being single for years, he's only really dated one other girl since high school. (He's late twenties.) There are many women he finds attractive, but he says he's always too shy to ask them out. Given my recent breakup, and what I thought was his personality, I figured this was going to be at best a FWB (which I was completely fine with it; I am feeling very burnt out on love and relationships.) Yet he's pushed it a little quickly into definite "relationship" territory; exclusive, sleeping over, meeting friends, talking to his folks about me, the whole shebang. Yet at the same time, he makes frequent comments about attractive women, and how he considers himself a "player", just one who was too shy to ever get any action. He's also admitted I'm not really his physical type, but that he'd sleep with any girl who was vaguely cute and approached him. Although I really like him, I'm thinking it'd be wise to pump the brakes on dating. I now think I made a huge mistake in asking him out... that the only reason he's going out with me is because I approached him, not because he's actually really into me. I also wonder how dating him could have any kind of future; with so little experience, how could he possibly be satisfied with just me? I've always read that guys will ONLY settle down when they've played the field enough. I'm thinking I could approach it by assuring him that I'm more than willing to have an FWB; that maybe he thinks the only way he'd get laid is by claiming he wants a relationship, and that I'd be completely fine with us seeing other people too. But I'm not sure how to bring it up in a non-awkward way, especially since his friends are already calling me his girlfriend. () What do you guys think? If he's literally told you that you're not really his type and that he'd sleep with anyone remotely cute - AND he's constantly talking about other women, then: DUMP him and move on to someone else.Save Edited November 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Sweetfish Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 Your being played and because you approved of the FWBs he feels comfortable telling you this... I bet money if you hit the brakes on this he will tell you it was a joke or he was kidding. I believe this is the nice guy who has became indifferent to women.. he is displaying an image in what he believes will get him women. He is not ready for a relationship.
Author verhrzn Posted November 25, 2016 Author Posted November 25, 2016 Your being played and because you approved of the FWBs he feels comfortable telling you this... I bet money if you hit the brakes on this he will tell you it was a joke or he was kidding. I believe this is the nice guy who has became indifferent to women.. he is displaying an image in what he believes will get him women. He is not ready for a relationship. I guess I just don't get why he feels the need to play me at all. I'm completely OK with him wanting only an FWB and him being indifferent; what bothers me is him saying he wants a relationship or commitment but then saying this stuff. There's no need to play me; he could get laid without any of the strings attached.
Sweetfish Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 I guess I just don't get why he feels the need to play me at all. I'm completely OK with him wanting only an FWB and him being indifferent; what bothers me is him saying he wants a relationship or commitment but then saying this stuff. There's no need to play me; he could get laid without any of the strings attached. Because it's now he told you his intention... what happen if you really wanted a relationship.. so he was playing you.
Author verhrzn Posted November 25, 2016 Author Posted November 25, 2016 Because it's now he told you his intention... what happen if you really wanted a relationship.. so he was playing you. Really not following you... He's still saying he wants dating, so what are you saying his intention is?
kismetkismet Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 He sounds REALLY insecure. But so far gone into insecure territory that it's made him into a jerk, don't try to fix that. If i were you i'd say that you only want FWB or that you aren't going to be with him. don't let him dabble in the in between while he's too afraid to make a decision and is being cruel to you in the process. 1
Author verhrzn Posted November 25, 2016 Author Posted November 25, 2016 He sounds REALLY insecure. But so far gone into insecure territory that it's made him into a jerk, don't try to fix that. Oh interesting, I hadn't thought of that. What makes you think he's insecure?
TheTraveler Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 Really not following you... He's still saying he wants dating, so what are you saying his intention is? I'm looking forward to you updating the thread when you drop the FWB on him and you wanting to date others:D
Author verhrzn Posted November 25, 2016 Author Posted November 25, 2016 I'm looking forward to you updating the thread when you drop the FWB on him and you wanting to date others:D ... Why? [10 characters]
kismetkismet Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 (edited) Oh interesting, I hadn't thought of that. What makes you think he's insecure? Guys only go out of their way to tell girls that they are players if they want the girl to know that they can't hurt them. The things he's saying to you are hurtful and if he was trying to legitimately play you then he'd be sweet talking you without worrying about what you thought. On the one hand part of him wants to lean into these relationship things, but on the other he wants to assert the fact that he doesn't need you. In my experience guys only do that when they're not confident. The fact that you say that he's shy makes that all the more likely. The problem is, guys that are that insecure, and express their insecurity through cruelty, rarely come around to being able to have healthy relationships. They're often the ones who will lash out passive aggressively when you get in a fight by ignoring you suddenly or flirting with other girls in front of you. The same is true of insecure girls, in fact i've seen it more often in girls. Where they really like a guy and want to date him, but 'play hard to get' and pretend they don't care and are wanted by so many other guys... It's a mind **** and it's not worth dealing with. Edited November 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
Ruby Slippers Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 If you feel like his alternate choice, it doesn't sound like a good relationship. If you really want to just have sex with a guy who makes you feel that way, then tell him to stop with all the talking and just do you. You'd probably be better off moving on and finding someone who considers himself lucky to be with you and treats you as such, whether that's a boyfriend or a casual sex partner. 1
joseb Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 If you want a fwb surely you can do better than this? A guy who doesn't even fancy you. Is the sex good at least?
OatsAndHall Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 You have to ask yourself if this is a guy you even want to be around.. As has been pointed out, he sounds very insecure, inexperienced and to be blunt, kind of unstable. In any relationship, friendship or other wise, I have one simple rule: treat me with kindness and respect or I won't waste my time with you. It doesn't sound like he is doing either, regardless of whether or not he just wants to be a FWB or a significant other. And, honestly, why would you want to sleep with a guy who says that "you're really not his type physically" and talks about how attracted he is to other women? I want to at least feel wanted sexually by a woman if I'm going to sleep with them, not just a substitute for porn.. On a final note, this is why I don't have casual sex or get involved in FWB situations. It sounds simple and appealing but it rarely is. Things tend to get complicated and messy. And, it sounds like your relationship with this guy was complicated and messy before you agreed to be FWB.
thecrucible Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 This sounds a lot like a guy I dated. The fact is that if he so easily tells you about other women he finds attractive, he clearly doesn't respect you. I would get away from him.
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