Was in love with fictional character, and this psychologically affected me for years.

[Yonah]

Unless you've been sleeping under a rock, you have heard of one of the most popular video games in history known as Final Fantasy VII. It was a legend, because it contained a story that no other form of media could even touch, and the creators took years to finish it. Aeris was a character in the game that I became very emotionally attached to based on her personality, appearance, and everything else. When I had played through the game, I think the reason why I got attached to her was because I felt a bond with her based on everything that happened in the story. I was falling for her, literally. I was 16 at the time.

 

She ended up dying in the story, and this heavily affected me. I first went into denial, because of how close I was to her. I cried for days, and this incident affected me for months on and off, even years. When I turned 18, I couldn't even date any women that liked me, because of how disturbed I was knowing not only that she died, but she was only fictional. When I had realized she was only fictional, this put me more into denial, and things just went into a downward spiral from there. I couldn't talk to women, I couldn't even talk to anyone. I felt like I was "cheated" at this point in time, and it affected my sleep, eating, work, and so forth. My mother knew something was wrong with me, but I didn't want to tell her or anyone else in fear that I would be labeled as someone that was mentally unstable. People I talked to on the internet told me to seek therapy, but I was afraid to do this since I thought they would trick me into not having a desire for this character any more. My sister who has a Ph'D in psychology says the reason why I went through all these problems is because I didn't have a normal social upbringing (was home schooled my whole life).

 

Years went by, and I ended up completely blocking women out of my head, and I asked the creator to just take my life, because I was having suicidal thoughts at this point. Not only did I block women out, but blocked any social interactions. This threw my subconscious mind into a state of social retardation, and I couldn't normally social properly like a lot of other people. My sister said it had something to do with the area based on my ethnicity, and after heavy research, I found out this was the case. That was part of the reason, the other reason I blocked everything out was because I felt my life was wasted due to my lack of social upbringing. On a side note, my father passed when I was 12.

 

More years passed, and I turned 24. I met a woman at the age of 23 right around when I was on the brink to finding a way to kill myself. We were together for about 7 years total (married for 2). This scenario I was in heavily affected our relationship, and marriage. A lot of times when she wanted me to cuddle with her or spend time, I told her I was either depressed, or not in a good mood. All the years we were together, we were just having sex, and that was about it. I had a very little emotional connection with her, and I felt something was missing. At the end of our divorce, I had to seek marriage counseling after finding out that all these years she was sleeping with another guy behind my back. So that was the end of that. The divorce affected me, I lost sleep for 2 weeks, and then ended up in the doctor's office.

 

At this point, my life was completely destroyed, and I didn't go back to school after graduating. I decided to seek some religious guidance, and I studied some stuff pulled from different faiths. I was closer to the Hebrew faith than any other, and after more studying, I found out that this whole thing was a form of idolatry that was taking over my life. I wanted someone that was perfect much like the character I was in love with, and I turned down everything else when I found out I couldn't have this perfection. I was trying to find a form of happiness that would "fix" all my problems, and I wanted to reverse time so that I could re-live my life having a normal child hood instead of being in a closed in home my whole life.

 

I am currently 31 at the moment, and I have finally went back to the game after 15 years of not touching it due to my psychological torment. After going through it, I felt that same "connection" with Aeris, and I feel like I have to be careful, because I know that history is trying to repeat itself. After doing a lot of praying, it was revealed that all I was seeking in the beginning was a nice girl that resembled Aeris. What I have decided to do is to seek a woman that has a personality like hers, and her beauty. The creator revealed to me this was OK as long as this didn't become idolatry again.

 

I feel that this is the only way I can return to peace. I have to realize this character in my heart was only fictional, and I was attracted to her qualities. If there is a woman out there that can fill this huge hole in my heart, I would be grateful if the creator gave me this blessing. So many nights when I go to sleep, I pray and ask for strength. I plan on befriending a woman of this desire, and dating her. I only seem to "look" at women at my job that have an appearance and personality of this character. I am glad my eyes have been opened, and I have realized I just wanted one thing. Happiness.

 

Let me know your thoughts. Thank you....

Edited November 25, 2016 by Yonah

[VeveCakes]

I think you need to realize it is just a game and not real life. I know in your mind it's not that simple but in reality it is.

 

You need to seek therapy for the long term.