I met a guy online who lives 5 hours away and now he wants to visit.

November 25, 2016

I got Tinder. I went on a trip. I matched with a guy on Tinder. I went back home. We started writing. He's 450 km away in a different country.

We have been texting for a month now and last week we started skyping. I am starting to develop a crush that's quite genuine. There seem to be no 'red flags'. He's 33 (I'm 29), he studied the same thing as me, has a good paying job, we have the same aspirations career wise, he lives in a nice apartment, is very sensitive and honest, however, quite introverted. He doesn't say so much about himself, but I feel maybe that would change if we met in real life. We have a lot in common, and I don't think I have felt this excited about a guy in a good while.

So, he said he'd like to come visit me soon, and is planning to come in 1,5 weeks. He wants to drive down (5 hours) with his car and as he has almost two weeks of vacation left this year, said he'll be able to stay for 'as long as I could endure him'. He'd be staying at my house and all. I am so nervous about this too, because I worry that I won't like him, or that he won't like me, but to be honest, the former would be much more of a slap in the face. We haven't really confirmed this idea of a plan.

Do you think this is a good idea? Is it too soon? Or should I just go with it? I mean, after all, it's just like, meeting a guy from an online dating site... but this time, he'll be immediately staying with me, and that for possibly a few days.

Edited November 25, 2016 by macd

November 25, 2016

I say go for it, with the exception of letting him stay with you. If I were you (or him), I would stay in a hotel for the time he was visiting. Also, how long will he be with you? You may run out of things to talk about if you are talking about a week.

I don't think there is anything wrong with at least attempting to meet someone who is a bit of a distance away from you, but I question those who live in other cities/states, let alone countries, who are trying to meet others outside of their immediate area. Remember, with any kind of LDR, if you are not seeing each other at least once a month you tend to do a lot of fantasizing. Technology has since advanced that we now have Skype to make that a bit easier for visual communication, but it's not the same thing as actually BEING with that person in the flesh. In the time that you are together physically, let's be honest, you are in this great rush to have a good time and then jump in the sack. In many cases that ends up feeding the fantasy even further. Plus you think that they place they live is a perfect land when it's actually just a place like you live in. Unless it's a very extreme difference - I was in a LDR with a man who lived in a rural area. He lived MILES away from civilization and everywhere you wanted to go was A LONG WAY AWAY (movie theaters, grocery shopping, retail, etc.) when everything is within minutes from my place in the suburbs. I did not care for it, but said nothing because it was not truly an issue. Had he asked me to move (which he did not), then it would have been and I would have said that I would want to live in another place closer to civilization. But neither here nor there...

Best of luck in this situation. Hopefully something will happen for you.

November 25, 2016

I don’t think you can get to know a person really well in a month’s time to invite them to your home -- especially a new long-distance friendship with no common friends to throw some light about the person. I feel it would be wise for you to put him up in a hotel. Take care!

Edited November 25, 2016 by LastAcorn99

November 25, 2016

He should stay in a hotel THEN if you guys bond well, you can ask him to stay with you for the rest of the trip.

November 25, 2016

No. This is way too soon to put that much pressure on both of you. You will essentially go right into living together for two weeks from the first time you meet. That's crazy. Seeing each other and having dates every day etc is too much too soon.

I would plan a weekend where he comes down and stays in a hotel overnight for one night and you could hang out both days.

I do not recommend this plan.

November 25, 2016

I don't see a problem if you're texting and skyping.

Now you may not want him to stay with you for two weeks as I could see that being a problem.

November 25, 2016

Thanks for the responses. Let me see what I can say.

I say go for it, with the exception of letting him stay with you. If I were you (or him), I would stay in a hotel for the time he was visiting. Also, how long will he be with you? You may run out of things to talk about if you are talking about a week.

I don't think there is anything wrong with at least attempting to meet someone who is a bit of a distance away from you, but I question those who live in other cities/states, let alone countries, who are trying to meet others outside of their immediate area. Remember, with any kind of LDR, if you are not seeing each other at least once a month you tend to do a lot of fantasizing. Technology has since advanced that we now have Skype to make that a bit easier for visual communication, but it's not the same thing as actually BEING with that person in the flesh. In the time that you are together physically, let's be honest, you are in this great rush to have a good time and then jump in the sack. In many cases that ends up feeding the fantasy even further. Plus you think that they place they live is a perfect land when it's actually just a place like you live in. Unless it's a very extreme difference - I was in a LDR with a man who lived in a rural area. He lived MILES away from civilization and everywhere you wanted to go was A LONG WAY AWAY (movie theaters, grocery shopping, retail, etc.) when everything is within minutes from my place in the suburbs. I did not care for it, but said nothing because it was not truly an issue. Had he asked me to move (which he did not), then it would have been and I would have said that I would want to live in another place closer to civilization. But neither here nor there...

Best of luck in this situation. Hopefully something will happen for you.

He may stay 3 days, and who knows what happens if it goes well. He could leave anytime, he will be by car.

I know we live far away from each other, but he actually lives only a 2hr trainride away from my hometown, where i will be moving again in 6 months time. So if it works out with us, I know that in the future, we will be less far apart.

I don’t think you can get to know a person really well in a month’s time to invite them to your home -- especially a new long-distance friendship with no common friends to throw some light about the person. I feel it would be wise for you to put him up in a hotel. Take care!

No, I dont think you can either. Which is why we want to meet. It would make much more sense, I suppose, to talk in real life.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, we do have common friends. He used to live in my home town for a few years (whilst I was abroad), and he is very close with some people I know as well.

I think the hotel idea is maybe not too bad.

No. This is way too soon to put that much pressure on both of you. You will essentially go right into living together for two weeks from the first time you meet. That's crazy. Seeing each other and having dates every day etc is too much too soon.
I would plan a weekend where he comes down and stays in a hotel overnight for one night and you could hang out both days.
I do not recommend this plan.

Well, I was scared of that as well. But he wont be staying for two weeks, unless it's like, perfect when he gets here. He is planning for a 3 day trip that could be extended.

Anyway, so what's different about staying in a hotel vs staying with me?

You mean because of politeness or expectations?

November 25, 2016

I got Tinder. I went on a trip. I matched with a guy on Tinder. I went back home. We started writing. He's 450 km away in a different country.

We have been texting for a month now and last week we started skyping. I am starting to develop a crush that's quite genuine. There seem to be no 'red flags'. He's 33 (I'm 29), he studied the same thing as me, has a good paying job, we have the same aspirations career wise, he lives in a nice apartment, is very sensitive and honest, however, quite introverted. He doesn't say so much about himself, but I feel maybe that would change if we met in real life. We have a lot in common, and I don't think I have felt this excited about a guy in a good while.

So, he said he'd like to come visit me soon, and is planning to come in 1,5 weeks. He wants to drive down (5 hours) with his car and as he has almost two weeks of vacation left this year, said he'll be able to stay for 'as long as I could endure him'. He'd be staying at my house and all. I am so nervous about this too, because I worry that I won't like him, or that he won't like me, but to be honest, the former would be much more of a slap in the face. We haven't really confirmed this idea of a plan.

Do you think this is a good idea? Is it too soon? Or should I just go with it? I mean, after all, it's just like, meeting a guy from an online dating site... but this time, he'll be immediately staying with me, and that for possibly a few days.

Staying in your house?! What?! THIS IS A VERY BAD BAD IDEA! You barely know him. Forget the skyping for a month or texting or whatever, you don't know him that well at all.

What country is he driving from and to? Why is he willing to drive 5-hours? Oh, whose idea was it to say in your house?

Have him stay in a hotel or hostel, etc. and see how he reacts to that idea instead. Not in your house. I'm sorry, but there may be the expectation of more than you bargained for. Goodness, your idea is not a smart one.

November 25, 2016

I met someone on vacation a few years ago and we spent 1.5 weeks together he ended up extending his trip so that we could hang out. We hit it off fairly well while on vacation travelling in another country.

We parted ways with him saying "he'd like to come and visit me" so I figured it's what you say when you part ways but sure enough two months later he was in my city and asking if he could stay with me.

It was ok but not great for the first two-three days and this two-week stay quickly turned into a nightmare of "I can't wait to get him out of my place." Felt like a prisoner in my own home.

Never would invite a guy I just met to stay in my home again after such a short period of time, let alone someone I never met before online.

Hope you have better luck.

November 25, 2016

Staying in your house?! What?! THIS IS A VERY BAD BAD IDEA! You barely know him. Forget the skyping for a month or texting or whatever, you don't know him that well at all.

What country is he driving from and to? Why is he willing to drive 5-hours? Oh, whose idea was it to say in your house?

Have him stay in a hotel or hostel, etc. and see how he reacts to that idea instead. Not in your house. I'm sorry, but there may be the expectation of more than you bargained for. Goodness, your idea is not a smart one.

What do you mean with "more than you bargained for"?

He is driving from GER to NL. Why is he willing to drive five hours? I guess because he likes me. And it was me who offered he would stay at my house.

I think he probably would have stayed at a hotel if I wouldn't have offered. I was not thinking much of it. All my friends who visit always stay with me. Not gonna make someone pay for a silly hotel room when they can kick it at my place. I have enough space.

November 25, 2016

What do you mean with "more than you bargained for"?

He is driving from GER to NL. Why is he willing to drive five hours? I guess because he likes me. And it was me who offered he would stay at my house.
I think he probably would have stayed at a hotel if I wouldn't have offered. I was not thinking much of it. All my friends who visit always stay with me. Not gonna make someone pay for a silly hotel room when they can kick it at my place. I have enough space.

Like I said I do not see the problem.

My only suggestion would be you set up parameters.

For example, if it's not working out, you tell him to head home and he leaves. If you want to see him for x amount of days, you tell him and he leaves. It's your place so you get to set the rules. Discuss this before he comes to visit.

November 25, 2016

Anyway, so what's different about staying in a hotel vs staying with me?
You mean because of politeness or expectations?

Huge difference!

In one situation you are dating a guy in the other you are living with him 24/7 and you have never met him before.

You don't see the difference?

Bad, bad idea.

November 25, 2016

You may run out of things to talk about if you are talking about a week.

Never understand how people have this happening to them. When I pursue someone, it's always someone I like very much. And I wouldn't like someone very much if I couldn't talk to them about everything forever and always. Haha.

November 25, 2016

Huge difference!

In one situation you are dating a guy in the other you are living with him 24/7 and you have never met him before.

You don't see the difference?

Bad, bad idea.

Living with me? It's a three day visit.

It's just like a friend visiting. I don't put my friends who visit up in a hotel. I don't put my parents up in a hotel. I never put anyone up in a hotel. What kind of bourgeoise life is that. Lol. It's not like this is a business encounter.

November 25, 2016

Living with me? It's a three day visit.
It's just like a friend visiting. I don't put my friends who visit up in a hotel. I don't put my parents up in a hotel. I never put anyone up in a hotel. What kind of bourgeoise life is that. Lol. It's not like this is a business encounter.

Ya living with you. He is staying in your place, for 3 days right? So he will be living with you.

What am I missing here?

If you have never met your friends before then yes it is just like having your friends over I suppose.

November 25, 2016

Ya living with you. He is staying in your place, for 3 days right? So he will be living with you.

What am I missing here?

If you have never met your friends before then yes it is just like having your friends over I suppose.

And? It's three nights. You have a problem with this. I don't

November 25, 2016

Living with me? It's a three day visit.
It's just like a friend visiting. I don't put my friends who visit up in a hotel. I don't put my parents up in a hotel. I never put anyone up in a hotel. What kind of bourgeoise life is that. Lol. It's not like this is a business encounter.

You told us initially that he has two weeks of vacation and was staying for a period of time yet to be determined. There was nothing about it being a three day visit. A lot of the reactions you've received would be because you mentioned nothing about it being for only three days.

Anyway, I agree that it's not a great idea. You're absolutely right that he may not be interested in you - or you in him. It would be even worse if the attraction was only one sided. If this happened and he was staying in a hotel, you could limit your interactions with him to a few sight sees. But if he comes to your house, you're stuck with him no matter what you think of each other.

November 25, 2016

Never understand how people have this happening to them. When I pursue someone, it's always someone I like very much. And I wouldn't like someone very much if I couldn't talk to them about everything forever and always. Haha.

Well, that's how you choose to be. But what if he doesn't like you very much in person? Or if he's just not so good face to face. Hence: nothing to talk about.

November 25, 2016

You told us initially that he has two weeks of vacation and was staying for a period of time yet to be determined. There was nothing about it being a three day visit. A lot of the reactions you've received would be because you mentioned nothing about it being for only three days.

Anyway, I agree that it's not a great idea. You're absolutely right that he may not be interested in you - or you in him. It would be even worse if the attraction was only one sided. If this happened and he was staying in a hotel, you could limit your interactions with him to a few sight sees. But if he comes to your house, you're stuck with him no matter what you think of each other.

I guess I just have a good feeling about this.

And yeah, he has unlimited time but I think it is reasonable to agree to a three day visit and if it goes well we could extend it.

I mean, we get along now and we are very attracted to each other now. There isn't much you can fake these days. The only thing that could be a game changer, was if he smelled terribly or something. But that's just not something I could imagine.

Like, usually when I meet someone online And agree to go on a date with them I am not disappointed, unless I felt something weird already beforehand. But this time I just don't feel anything weird so I feel positive about it.

November 25, 2016

It sounds like you are now trying to convince us it is a good idea so I am confused why you asked for the input?

November 25, 2016

Well, that's how you choose to be. But what if he doesn't like you very much in person? Or if he's just not so good face to face. Hence: nothing to talk about.

I don't see why he wouldn't. He knows what I look like and he knows my personality. He says I am "one of a kind". I am fairly confident about the mutual attraction translating into the real life meeting.

but yeah, I always have things to talk about. I don't think I ever went mute at any date. And this guy and me have more in common than any person I ever met so I am not too worried about conversation.

November 25, 2016

It sounds like you are now trying to convince us it is a good idea so I am confused why you asked for the input?

You were just super negative. I choose not to go through life like that.

Of course I am convincing myself that it's a good idea. After all, I want it to happen.

I guess I was looking for encouragement.

Or maybe find out if I am too naive to think this could be something special.

November 25, 2016

I guess I was looking for encouragement.
Or maybe find out if I am too naive to think this could be something special.

It could well turn into something special. It could be a total disaster. Or it could fall anywhere in between.

Just keep your expectations realistic.

November 25, 2016

It could well turn into something special. It could be a total disaster. Or it could fall anywhere in between.

Just keep your expectations realistic.

So I have this idea, maybe tell him to see this as friends visiting and not as a date so we both don't have too high expectations?

November 25, 2016

Ehm, good idea?

It depends on how you would define such a thing.

I've done similar things in the past - as in, I've met strange women at their place - or in a summer house - for multiple days. Since I'm not a complete psychopath with a machete for a penis, the experiences have been good.

But it's most definitely a risk - and if the crush/chemistry doesn't carry over to RL - you're faced with a potentially dangerous and certainly very awkward situation.

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I met a guy online who lives 5 hours away and now he wants to visit.

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