Pregnant and abandoned.

[Disreign]

My ex (I guess you would call him this now) and I were together for 2 years, ironically today would have been our two year anniversary.

 

I am currently 18 almost 19 weeks pregnant (almost 5 months) with our first child. We had been trying for this baby and the moment he found out I was pregnant, he wasn't too excited. I thought nothing of it because he doesn't express his emotions too well sometimes.. Well I am very emotional and moody since I became pregnant and it seems to me like he was getting really cold and mean towards me and I needed his support and felt like I did not have it.. We don't live together at the moment, we were in the process of finding a place to raise our child. Three weeks ago, we got into a small argument over an item I wanted to buy for our child.. After that, he completely ignored me. A few days after this fight, I found out the gender of our child and told him. He said "okay" and didn't seem to care about our daughter or me. I went on every few days to update him and try to get him to talk to me about our relationship.. I get no responses. He hasn't spoken to me now in 3 weeks.. He has completely abandoned myself and our daughter. I am at a loss as to what to do. I spent two days in labor and delivery for kidney stones and a kidney infection that needed to be neutralized and he ignored me when I told him the infection may have spread to the baby.. I went from thinking I would have a loving family to being a single Mother without any help or support from him in a matter of weeks.

 

I feel the worst thing is he won't even tell me "I am done with you" or that it is over. He just ignores me completely. If I wasn't pregnant with his child, I would forget him and move on but it is impossible when someone with half of his DNA is growing inside of my womb and I feel her moving inside of me..

 

Any advice would be welcomed..

[Frozensushi]

Welcome to Loveshack!

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. It's heartbreaking.

 

Could you give shed some light on your relationship with your BF? Was it a loving? Did you Fight a lot? Were you planning to get married? Was it all going well up until the pregnancy?

 

Couples who "Plan/try" for a baby, usually have long term plans, like marriage. Was this something he really wanted? It sounds like he was indifferent to the news you both were going to be parents. Doesn't really seem like the expected response for someone who is "trying" to be a father.

[5x5]

It's pretty clear he's done with you, so stop wasting your time, accept it and move on.

 

Although it's too late, the fact that you were 18 or even 17, when he wanted to get you pregnant is hardly an indication that he was/is a responsible suitor.

 

Your behaviour is also questionable as well, that said a good dose of reality over the next 18 years might help you with that.

 

Since you're effectively too late for an abortion, I encourage you to avail yourself of any educational/vocational opportunities you can find when you can.

 

Don't forget to mention him on the birth certificate and don't forget to look into child support as well.

 

Good luck.

[Sweetfish]

My ex (I guess you would call him this now) and I were together for 2 years, ironically today would have been our two year anniversary.

 

I am currently 18 almost 19 weeks pregnant (almost 5 months) with our first child. We had been trying for this baby and the moment he found out I was pregnant, he wasn't too excited. I thought nothing of it because he doesn't express his emotions too well sometimes.. Well I am very emotional and moody since I became pregnant and it seems to me like he was getting really cold and mean towards me and I needed his support and felt like I did not have it.. We don't live together at the moment, we were in the process of finding a place to raise our child. Three weeks ago, we got into a small argument over an item I wanted to buy for our child.. After that, he completely ignored me. A few days after this fight, I found out the gender of our child and told him. He said "okay" and didn't seem to care about our daughter or me. I went on every few days to update him and try to get him to talk to me about our relationship.. I get no responses. He hasn't spoken to me now in 3 weeks.. He has completely abandoned myself and our daughter. I am at a loss as to what to do. I spent two days in labor and delivery for kidney stones and a kidney infection that needed to be neutralized and he ignored me when I told him the infection may have spread to the baby.. I went from thinking I would have a loving family to being a single Mother without any help or support from him in a matter of weeks.

 

I feel the worst thing is he won't even tell me "I am done with you" or that it is over. He just ignores me completely. If I wasn't pregnant with his child, I would forget him and move on but it is impossible when someone with half of his DNA is growing inside of my womb and I feel her moving inside of me..

 

Any advice would be welcomed..

 

 

If you can, best thing is to be close to your parents and/or friends and have them support you thru this process. I had a friend who was the same way and it finally clicked in this head what he needs to do. I hope the same happens for you. How old is he?

[Disreign]

I never said I was 17 almost 18. I was saying that is how far along in pregnancy I am.

 

Regardless, the advice is appreciated. Being pregnant is hard enough as it is, but doing it alone is harder. Moving on is my best option at this point.

[Disreign]

For the most part, our relationship was happy, at least in my eyes. He just always seemed a bit cold to me but that was something I learned was just a part of him. We did have our share of arguments but I didn't think that they were that bad. Maybe I am just naive but I honestly thought we were happy.. It just felt so weird how he changed when I got pregnant.

[Satu]

snip

For the most part, our relationship was happy, at least in my eyes. *He just always seemed a bit cold to me but that was something I learned was just a part of him. We did have our share of arguments but I didn't think that they were that bad. Maybe I am just naive but I honestly thought we were happy.. *It just felt so weird how he changed when I got pregnant.

 

 

*The problem is very easy to see:

 

 

He's just not a nice man.

 

 

QED.

 

Seek out support from other people who care about you, and connect with any formal/informal groups in your area. There's probably more than you might think.

 

 

Take care.

[Shanex]

He's not ready to take the responsibility of being a father, plain and simple. Sorry, he won't make a great father.

[5x5]

Except for the trying to get pregnant at your age part of it which I think is rather foolish, I have some empathy for your situation. Since I got my then ex-girlfriend pregnant at 18 when I was 19.

 

We first started dating each other when she was 16 and I was 17 after we had sex together at a party a couple of hours after we met. Shortly after that she went on birth control, while we also often used condoms as well since we most certainly didn't want to get pregnant.

 

Eventually we broke up and decided to have sex one more time, yet didn't use a condom on that occasion since she was on b/c, yet she got pregnant anyway. Then at my encouragement she chose not to get an abortion and we then got married.

 

Anyway in hindsight marriage was a stupid thing to do since we broke up for good reasons. Consequently the marriage broke down when our child was six months old, and a bit over a year later we divorced.

 

Years later (I'm 45) both of us have now been married to different people for a long time (me happily for 17+ years to my partner of 20+ years), with successful professional careers and new families as well. So getting pregnant at your age is not the end of the world, that said it certainly isn't a great idea either.

 

If he has walked before it has gotten hard, he really doesn't want to be with you. So the best thing you can do is face reality as it is and get on with your life, use whatever support you can get and look to improve your work opportunities for the future.

[NopeNah]

Except for the trying to get pregnant at your age part of it which I think is rather foolish, I have some empathy for your situation. Since I got my then ex-girlfriend pregnant at 18 when I was 19.

 

We first started dating each other when she was 16 and I was 17 after we had sex together at a party a couple of hours after we met. Shortly after that she went on birth control, while we also often used condoms as well since we most certainly didn't want to get pregnant.

 

Eventually we broke up and decided to have sex one more time, yet didn't use a condom on that occasion since she was on b/c, yet she got pregnant anyway. Then at my encouragement she chose not to get an abortion and we then got married.

 

Anyway in hindsight marriage was a stupid thing to do since we broke up for good reasons. Consequently the marriage broke down when our child was six months old, and a bit over a year later we divorced.

 

Years later (I'm 45) both of us have now been married to different people for a long time (me happily for 17+ years to my partner of 20+ years), with successful professional careers and new families as well. So getting pregnant at your age is not the end of the world, that said it certainly isn't a great idea either.

 

If he has walked before it has gotten hard, he really doesn't want to be with you. So the best thing you can do is face reality as it is and get on with your life, use whatever support you can get and look to improve your work opportunities for the future.

She's older than that.. That's how many weeks pregnant she is.

[5x5]

She's older than that.. That's how many weeks pregnant she is.

 

Oops, thanks I didn't get that even though on rereading it was clear and she said told me that as well.

 

That being the case going after him for child support etc still applies.

 

If he can't cope with her being pregnant, he really isn't of any use in a relationship.

[5x5]

Maybe I am just naive but I honestly thought we were happy.. It just felt so weird how he changed when I got pregnant.

 

I don't think you should think you are naive as such, since some people are good at hiding who they are.

[LastAcorn99]

I’m so sorry about your situation. Please surround yourself with friends and family who can love and support you at this time. Sending you hugs and prayers. You can get through this, okay?