thecrucible Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 It seems like she is treating you as an option or passing fancy or like your sister said playing 'a bad game of hard to get'. She said she'd be out for the night and might still be out after you finished playing your gig and to let her know. But when you did, she didn't respond. It seems like she ignored you because 10pm is a bit early for her to no longer be out (if she's like me anyway). Some people will say that you came on too strong but I reckon she'd have to not be so interested in the first place to be turned off by that. Perhaps she doesn't know how to vocalise lack of interest but if she has faded away, it doesn't seem worth it contacting her again. But you can politely ignore any further invitations since she gave you the run around or if she's that keen, tell her to go to the gig instead. You seem like a good thoughtful guy going by what you posted here. I hope all works out for you.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 Could it really be because I seemed Too desperate when she invited me out by calling her twice? Or perhaps she was never that interested and just wanted to string me along for fun? Any other guys experience this scenario? Or could it be that she thought I lied about the "picking up a gig" and thought "he meets me when I want or **** him". ? I asked my sister her thoughts she was puzzled by the entire situation. Doesn't understand why she'd cancel plans and then hour later tell me to "come by" and then when I make an effort to do so just blocks me out. She couldn't explain it other than "a really horrible job of playing hard to get" Noooooo! stop second guessing yourself it's nothing you did. It's because she isn't as interested as she could be. Your sister has a point. But if she is playing hard to get then she is doing it stupidly because you don't play hard to get when someone is into you and pursuing you, you play hard to get when they aren't reciprocating and being difficult. You haven't been unavailable to her. But now you need to be because pursuing her more at this point is just going to annoy her.
Author Grey40 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Posted November 28, 2016 Thanks again everyone has made lots of good points and I really appreciate everyone weighing in, even the negative comments. Hope it's hard to get, but I doubt it. She would have responded to my last text by now I would think. It's been like 36 hours or something, longest she's taken thus far. I think it may be possible that her way of telling me "I'm not interested" is by inviting me and ditching. Maybe she was hoping I'd get mad and leave her alone and get the hint. Pretty messed up but can't rule it out.
TheTraveler Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 Thanks again everyone has made lots of good points and I really appreciate everyone weighing in, even the negative comments. Hope it's hard to get, but I doubt it. She would have responded to my last text by now I would think. It's been like 36 hours or something, longest she's taken thus far. I think it may be possible that her way of telling me "I'm not interested" is by inviting me and ditching. Maybe she was hoping I'd get mad and leave her alone and get the hint. Pretty messed up but can't rule it out. Next time if you are in this situation again, don't even send a text like you did yesterday and move on immediately. The one like this one: "it's all good, fell asleep anyway maybe we can set something up for next week
Author Grey40 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Posted November 28, 2016 (edited) Next time if you are in this situation again, don't even send a text like you did yesterday and move on immediately. The one like this one: "it's all good, fell asleep anyway maybe we can set something up for next week Yeah, I somewhat regret sending that, but at the same time, I felt I had to address the situation. she knows she didn't respond to my text or calls. Could have been on purpose, which in that case, it's over anyways. Could have also been accidental (she got drunk, was having fun, totally slipped her mind, or thought I wouldn't actually contact her after my gig. She was always bad with her phone, and she always took hours to answer my texts, though she always did.) Then she did respond though kind of coldly using periods and no ! points or emojis like usual. "Just saw this. I am still out. At XXX bar now though." Almost like she was pissed I contacted her. Almost like she wanted to me to just show up and not check with her where she was. Like I was supposed to read her mind where she was going. You'd think she would have said, "omg, I'm so sorry that I just saw this etc etc." She didn't even apologize which I thought was really odd. If she was interested at all, wouldn't she possibly be embarrassed or maybe thought she blew it? thought I was going to be pissed and lose interest. So, I thought I'd let her know it wasn't a big deal at all. I agree somewhat with you, but I also don't think it necessarily hurt me to send that. I put the ball in her court now basically. The fact she hasn't responded at all to the text you're alluding to is NOT a good sign. And, I get the inner feeling that she probably won't ever reach out again at this point. I could over-analyze everything but there's no point really, I'll never find out why this situation went down the way it did. I believe she was definitely interested at some level, but after that night, now she's definitely not--either because I came off needy and desperate, or because she thought I'd take the hint and didn't or maybe because I blew off her invite. No way to ever know. I do feel resolved though. I know that now if she's at all interested she SHOULD respond or reach out to me at some point. And if she doesn't, then that's her loss not mine. She blew an opportunity with a guy who was clearly interested and ready to make an effort. Edited November 28, 2016 by Grey40
Author Grey40 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Posted November 28, 2016 (edited) The crazy thing, is that the last girl I also tried to setup a date with did the exact same thing to me, almost. She showed tons of interest responding to my texts friendly and politely. Then, she canceled the date because of last minute work (which was true I found out). But she also acted coldly saying, "I have work tomorrow now. So I can't make the date." That was it. No reschedule, no apology no I'm sorry or anything. What the hell is that? I guess it's to get the point across that "I do not care about you at all, not even enough to say I'm sorry. I don't want you to think you still have a chance" Could that be it? And that was about 2.5-3 weeks ago, and that girl has never reached back out to me. So, that's why I'm expecting a similar result with this girl. Don't get it. Edited November 28, 2016 by Grey40
TheTraveler Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 Nope, you didn't have to address the situation. was always bad with her phone, and she always took hours to answer my texts, though she always did.) I don't know of any woman today who is bad with their phones. She must be a unicorn. I have never met a unicorn, so I would like to meet her. And lastly if this girl ever contacts you again just invite her to your place. If it's late at night even better. You know what to do. Lots and lots of cuddling:laugh:
Author Grey40 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Posted November 28, 2016 Nope, you didn't have to address the situation. I don't know of any woman today who is bad with their phones. She must be a unicorn. I have never met a unicorn, so I would like to meet her. And lastly if this girl ever contacts you again just invite her to your place. If it's late at night even better. You know what to do. Lots and lots of cuddling:laugh: So you're saying she was never interested. And why just invite her over? She won't go on a date why in the hell would she do that?
TheTraveler Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 The crazy thing, is that the last girl I also tried to setup a date with did the exact same thing to me, almost. She showed tons of interest responding to my texts friendly and politely. Then, she canceled the date because of last minute work (which was true I found out). But she also acted coldly saying, "I have work tomorrow now. So I can't make the date." That was it. No reschedule, no apology no I'm sorry or anything. What the hell is that? I guess it's to get the point across that "I do not care about you at all, not even enough to say I'm sorry. I don't want you to think you still have a chance" Could that be it? And that was about 2.5-3 weeks ago, and that girl has never reached back out to me. So, that's why I'm expecting a similar result with this girl. Don't get it. Welcome to dating in 2016. Women are going to flake left and right. The KEY and I MEAN KEY is to have multiple options. Just look at the other thread on here. Girl meets man online, has sex for the first time after 6 dates, and didn't hear from the guy for one day. She sets up a lunch date immediately with another guy. You have to get into this mindset of having MULTIPLE options because women have a ton of options. The way to counter this is YOU have multiple options. Google: cat with hot dogs Look at the pic that pops up. The cat is a woman. The hot dogs are men :lmao:
TheTraveler Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 So you're saying she was never interested. And why just invite her over? She won't go on a date why in the hell would she do that? I've been in the situation you described. She contacted me a couple months later. I invited her over, had drinks, had sex. It's rare, but it can happen.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 Google: cat with hot dogs Look at the pic that pops up. The cat is a woman. The hot dogs are men :lmao: :lmao::lmao: 1
TheTraveler Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 I would have told her, "sorry I have plans tonight." PROTIP: It's totally fine to blow women off when you're busy. And if you have plans doing whatever you are doing and receive a text respond to them the next day.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 (edited) Thanks, and that's just how us guys are, we're easy to just take the negative route from the start. And there's good reason for that, because what these other guys are saying has some validity to it. There's def a good chance she's just an attention seeking type who's just super nice and polite and can't say no to people. However, the reason I'm posting and sounding desperate on here, is so that I DONT do that to her. And you hit it spot on, if she never responded or went totally cold and silent I wouldn't be overanalyzing so much. I am obviously attracted to her, and if there's any interest there, I'm not going to let it get away simply because "im better than her" mentality. I sent her a text about an hour ago, I said, "Hey sorry we couldn't work things out last night, def would like to hang out soon, maybe we can set something up for next week. Enjoy your weekend." 100% agree and I can certainly empathize with what guys have to go through, there is some truth to that hotdog picture but quantity isn't quality so us women can quash that argument with "ya we have a lot more options but are they quality options or just more grey noise" I'm not you, and it looks like you are going to pursue this no matter what others say, but my rule of thumb is I don't have time for games. And I stick to that rule no matter what. If someone is showing lukewarm interest, take it at face value you will be a lot happier for it than trying to overanalyze why this and why that and you can redirect that energy towards someone that has a healthy level of interest. When you engage with someone who is lukewarm it will come back and rear its ugly head sooner or later again so why invite going down that path to disappointment when you are even more emotionally invested? That's my rationale and it keeps me rather happy and stress-free. Edited December 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Author Grey40 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Posted November 28, 2016 (edited) Welcome to dating in 2016. Women are going to flake left and right. The KEY and I MEAN KEY is to have multiple options. Just look at the other thread on here. Girl meets man online, has sex for the first time after 6 dates, and didn't hear from the guy for one day. She sets up a lunch date immediately with another guy. You have to get into this mindset of having MULTIPLE options because women have a ton of options. The way to counter this is YOU have multiple options. Google: cat with hot dogs Look at the pic that pops up. The cat is a woman. The hot dogs are men :lmao: I 100% agree with that, definitely. The hard part as a guy is securing many options. I'm new to that, and trying to get better. I'm 28 and only got out of a 5 year relationship about 6 months ago. So i started dating at 23, and before that only had a few one night stands in college but nothing serious. I understand quantity is key, but it seems difficult to get that many lined up, they aren't flocking to us like we are to women. I think at most I was talking to only like 3-4 girls at a time, and most of those ended pretty quickly, or never materialized. And by the time they ran out, I didn't have new options to replace those. It's like I have spurts. One week I'll be talking to 3-4 girls, and then I'll go a whole week with nothing. Edited November 28, 2016 by Grey40
Author Grey40 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 Wasn't going to bring this thread back, but have a funny update to report: Got a call from her today, I wasn't near my phone so I missed it. Thought it was weird, called her back about 30 min later, she texts saying she must have butt dialed me hahahah man that's awkward. So I decided now to re-open conversation, asked her how her weeks been going..Sucks on her end if she thought she was rid of me haha. I had a feeling it was a mistake, but part of me kind of hopes it wasn't and it's her kind of making sure I'm still chasing hahaha
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Aren't you super annoyed by her yet? I am!
Author Grey40 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 Aren't you super annoyed by her yet? I am! If she wasn't so damn attractive I would be, in fact, I probably wouldn't have even tried to call in most cases. But for some reason can't stop thinking about her. If it is a game it's certainly working, but Im sure she just messed up and butt dialed. She's working at the moment (supposedly) She probably won't respond to me asking how her week was, but I'm gonna Ask her out tomorrow anyways got nothing to lose. I have another date scheduled for Sunday as it is, so I'm not going to bothered if she goes NC
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