Kira Onime Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 Me and my ex girlfriend had a long distance relationship for more than a year. We met when she came at my University with her school for an exam simulation, I was in the organization of the event. We spent a couple of days talking and having fun, we even slept together (no sex). After she went back home (which is 400km far from my city) she told me she wanted to come study at my university so we can be together and so our long distance relationship began. We went to a city near her so we can meet and it was the most romantic experience i've ever had. After that we met just 2 more times until our relationship ended. In the past months we broke up, couple of months before she moved in my town. It was my fault we broke up, hardest thing i ever did. We didn't talk for a couple of months...She started university in my town, haven't seen her ever since she got here. I did the stalker thing to find out when and where her courses were and tried to met her but i didn't have the courage. Tried talking to her but our conversations were dull and she showed no interest in talking just answering my questions. I found out she has a new boyfriend, i have no details about their relationship and I don't really care because i won't like what i will find out. I want her back, i've been thinking about her and i miss her alot and i would want to be with her again. Any advices? 1
Gaeta Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 You can wish to have her back all you want it's a waste of your time and feelings, she does not want to be with you so it ends here. My advise is to forget about her and find someone that does want to be with you. 4
Satu Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 Snip I want her back, i've been thinking about her and i miss her alot and i would want to be with her again. *Any advices? I sympathise with your situation, but you're just causing yourself more pain. Stop your surveillance of her and begin your grieving. She's gone. Cry your tears and rage against fate. Accept the fact that she's moved on. You should move on too. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete her from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 2
Author Kira Onime Posted November 23, 2016 Author Posted November 23, 2016 The thing is she wanted to be with me, she insisted not to break up. I know she can't unlove me, like i couldn't unlove her. I wouldn't call it a waste of time or feelings if i fight for something that would make me happy, she fought for it, i guess it's my turn. She failed, i might fail...But i got to try. That's why i came here 1
Satu Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 The thing is she wanted to be with me, she insisted not to break up. I know she can't unlove me, like i couldn't unlove her. I wouldn't call it a waste of time or feelings if i fight for something that would make me happy, she fought for it, i guess it's my turn. She failed, i might fail...But i got to try. That's why i came here She's gone. She's with somebody else. Accept the reality of the situation for your own sake. Take care. 1
ElizabethIII Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 The thing is she wanted to be with me, she insisted not to break up. I know she can't unlove me, like i couldn't unlove her. I wouldn't call it a waste of time or feelings if i fight for something that would make me happy, she fought for it, i guess it's my turn. She failed, i might fail...But i got to try. That's why i came here Is this your first relationship? The first ones are always the most intense. With my first BF I felt the same. I felt I would never get over him and I would never "unlove" him. Well a few years after we broke up I saw him in the street and questioned why I ever looked at him twice in the first place. Right now, I dont care about him anymore than I would an utter stranger. he is nothing to me. By the sound of it your ex has already got over you. It is also a bit conceited and arrogant to say that she wont ever stop loving you.....you arent god. 2
Author Kira Onime Posted November 23, 2016 Author Posted November 23, 2016 It is also a bit conceited and arrogant to say that she wont ever stop loving you.....you arent god. I didn't mean that when i said she can't stop loving me, i ment that it's a bit to soon to call myself a non-factor in her life. 1
Gaeta Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 The thing is she wanted to be with me, she insisted not to break up. I know she can't unlove me, like i couldn't unlove her. I wouldn't call it a waste of time or feelings if i fight for something that would make me happy, she fought for it, i guess it's my turn. She failed, i might fail...But i got to try. That's why i came here That was back then. Since then she mourned your break up and met a new man. Your relationship was long distance and you only saw each other 4 times in a whole year. You did contact her and she was none responsive. You don't mean to her what you used to. She moved on. People's feelings change all the time after 1 month, 1 year or even 20 years. 2
Satu Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 There's an awful lot to be said for stoic acceptance: "This is not what I want. It is the opposite of what I want, but I will accept it, and endure the pain which comes with it, knowing that my life will go on." Easier said than done, but the act of desperately trying to evade the pain only brings more pain. These are the stages of grief: Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Where do you think you are in that process? 1
DarrenB Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 I'm just going to be bluntly honest. There's a certain extent that you can go, but also a certain limit that you cannot cross any further. The fact of the matter is, she is currently with someone else - she is happy. If she was alone and single, then it would be a somewhat different story. Do you really want to jeopardize someone's happiness of whom you claim to love, in order to attempt to reconcile with them? for the same outcome to potentially happen again? During a break-up we all say and do different things, most of the time the dumper will often lie and let you down easily. That is just how it goes. Of course, you are infatuated with this women therefore you do not see it like that, however like Satu has addressed, there are different stages of coping and handling a breakup. One of the most important being acceptance. It is over my friend. For now. But do not cling onto that 'for now'. You must rebuild yourself, keep your dignity and sanity intact. Is there a possibility that she is currently just with a rebound and may want to reconcile with you in future? perhaps, but that should not cross your mind and you should definitely not act on it. As Gaeta has also said, be with someone whom wants you. 1
Author Kira Onime Posted November 23, 2016 Author Posted November 23, 2016 She was the last person to make me happy and i wanted to go back to the place where my happiness last was. I guess you're all right, i've kinda known it myself but i hoped someone would've given me the strenght to try and change it. Guess the reason i didn't had the courage to go see her was because i knew it was futile. This kinda sucks... It's not my first break-up, it was just my first relationship where i felt really loved. I could say i began now with the last stage: "Acceptance". Thank you guys. Your honest answers were exactly what i needed to understand that it's over. She's probably happy now, might aswell find my own happiness. 1
ElizabethIII Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 I didn't mean that when i said she can't stop loving me, i ment that it's a bit to soon to call myself a non-factor in her life. You've been long distance for a year. You saw each other 4 times. Your relationship was reduced to skype and text messaging. You have been a non factor in her life for a long time. You physically weren't in her life on a day to day basis for over a year. Dont underestimate just how much feelings can cool in those circumstances. 1
NopeNah Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_y_tQMtnYo J/K Don't do that.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 Agree with the others, she has already moved on and doesn't feel the same way about you that she once did. It's a bitter pill to swallow but you need to let go once and for all, too.
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