saz123 Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 Hey, my boyfriend has recently joined the navy. He's back at his base now after spending a week back at home. He is a very hard person to read sometimes and can be super blunt when texting me, it can go from 'I miss you so much' to literally 'okay' and today especially I've had very short replies. I don't know if it's because he's with his boy mates or he's just busy. Tonight he's 'out' with his boy mates from the base... I asked where but he hasn't replied. He has barely spoken to me all day! I'm not a crazy girlfriend, so before you go accusing me of being crazy, no I haven't sent a million texts to him. I'm probably overthinking it entirely and he's just having a good time 'out' wherever he is and doesn't want to go on his phone. I just need to vent really. We had the best week together when he was back, we're just the best of friends, we had dinner and went on late night drives to get ice cream and went food shopping the day he was due to go back to base. I did ask him whether he's happy being with me and he said of course he wouldn't want to be with anyone else. He told me that when he was away from me for so long he enjoyed speaking to me and was appreciative that I was there to help him along the way to passing. A few days ago he was telling me he misses me and that he would see me in a week. But tonight there's a change of attitude, and last night on video call he wasn't even in shot of the camera, so I couldn't see him, and he was just eager to get away... It was like 11pm though and he told me he was tired so I guess that was why. Maybe I should just give him a couple days space? I'm not entirely sure whether I have done something wrong or whether he's stressed about things. It's never normally this complicated. 1
basil67 Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 Sweetie, is it just today that you didn't hear from him like usual? If so, you really need to chill. Start to worry if it keeps up over a period of weeks. 2
Author saz123 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Posted November 23, 2016 basil67, it started yesterday.
basil67 Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 See if it keeps up. It's too early to fret. 2
Gloria25 Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 If he's gonna be in the military, there's gonna be even longer periods when you don't hear from him. Also, his world is gonna change. Think of this as if he was going away to college. Gonna be busy doing new things, meeting people and trust me, when you get downtime in the military, you wanna break free and just let your hair down. If you two didn't have a strong base before he joined, brace yourself for it possibly not working out. It takes a strong and special women to be the wife of a policeman, military man, fireman...cuz of the guy's absences and always being in harm. He needs a strong and independent woman who can handle things and stay busy when he's gone and ready to love him when he's back. 4
Author saz123 Posted November 24, 2016 Author Posted November 24, 2016 No reply from him last night, I text to say goodnight and that I love him. Surely it's not hard to text something back to that? I still have no idea where he went last night with his mates he wouldn't tell me which is really unlike him We are very close as a couple, well we were 3 days ago anyway! If he was going somewhere he would tell me where and if he's back at home we'd always go out to eat food or just hangout and watch tv. He's not the cheating type either he's never had a girlfriend before me. You know your own partner and you know what they're like and something is definitely wrong... how do I ask if something is wrong without sounding crazy?
basil67 Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 No reply from him last night, I text to say goodnight and that I love him. Surely it's not hard to text something back to that? I still have no idea where he went last night with his mates he wouldn't tell me which is really unlike him We are very close as a couple, well we were 3 days ago anyway! If he was going somewhere he would tell me where and if he's back at home we'd always go out to eat food or just hangout and watch tv. He's not the cheating type either he's never had a girlfriend before me. You know your own partner and you know what they're like and something is definitely wrong... how do I ask if something is wrong without sounding crazy? I suggest you re-read Gloria's post. Things are going to change. Have a chat with him next time you see him. Work together with him to find a new normal. 1
Gloria25 Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 No reply from him last night, I text to say goodnight and that I love him. Surely it's not hard to text something back to that? I still have no idea where he went last night with his mates he wouldn't tell me which is really unlike him We are very close as a couple, well we were 3 days ago anyway! If he was going somewhere he would tell me where and if he's back at home we'd always go out to eat food or just hangout and watch tv. He's not the cheating type either he's never had a girlfriend before me. You know your own partner and you know what they're like and something is definitely wrong... how do I ask if something is wrong without sounding crazy? Well, wait it out. Stop contacting him, wait for him to contact you. Give it a week or so and if it continues, then through chatting with him, try to figure out if he's not contacting you for a reason (i.e. he's in training this week) but don't flat out ask him yet. If in chatting with him you can't get any indicators (without asking him) of why he's not communicating as usual, then maybe you need to have a talk. When/if that time comes, just lay it out, let him know his communication has lessened and you're not sure if it's cuz of this change in his life or you two are losing your bond. But please, stop calling/texting him so much - especially when he's out/about. No one likes to have to report to "mommy".
Author saz123 Posted November 24, 2016 Author Posted November 24, 2016 Well, wait it out. Stop contacting him, wait for him to contact you. Give it a week or so and if it continues, then through chatting with him, try to figure out if he's not contacting you for a reason (i.e. he's in training this week) but don't flat out ask him yet. If in chatting with him you can't get any indicators (without asking him) of why he's not communicating as usual, then maybe you need to have a talk. When/if that time comes, just lay it out, let him know his communication has lessened and you're not sure if it's cuz of this change in his life or you two are losing your bond. But please, stop calling/texting him so much - especially when he's out/about. No one likes to have to report to "mommy". I like your thinking about the no contact, it is easier said than done though. He is back home in a couple of days anyway so I will see how he is then. I'm not texting him a lot, and he certainly doesn't have to report to "mommy" to me, I'm pretty chill, hence me coming on here and having a vent as I'd rather come out with it here than have a moan to him right now. He has contacted me today but it is ever so blunt, a few questions here and there like how's your day etc. We were going to go out for dinner in a couple of days but he now has family plans, which is fine.
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