historic88 Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 Hey all, I need help. I have been seeing this guy for about four months; things were great. I know everyone says this, but they were. He started working on his MBA at the beginning of this month, it's an online program and it's self paced and he has been working hard. I know how he is, and I know how focused his is, so I've backed off. I do the "good morning/night" and "hope your day is going well" text, and he responds very quickly. But we went from seeing each other everyday and texting nonstop to seeing each other just on weekends and the good mornings/ nights/ day going well texts. I can't help but feel neglected. I will say that I have gone to his place once or twice in a week since Nov. 4, when he started classes, and I clean and cook. NOT because he asks me to, but because I want to spend time with him and I want to help him out. But I have felt the strain on the relationship and I have screwed up by being insecure and I did something stupid on Monday. We came back from a hockey game Sunday, had a good time, and then something all of a sudden seemed off. So I went into pout mode, and Monday morning I kinda of just left in a huff. I knew I shouldn't have done it, and I knew while I was doing it, it was wrong of me to do so. I was just flat out being a brat. I tried to reach out to him by asking if he wanted me to cook him dinner Tuesday night, and he responded "I've seen you four days in a row" so I just said okay and I didn't text him anything back until today. He was suppose to go to Thanksgiving with me. I am leaving today after work. I was going to let it go, and not ask if he was still coming, but I felt that might make things worse, so I messaged him asking if he still wanted to join us and his response was "I'll pass. I really need a break from you for a while". So I freaked out, and this was our conversation: Him: I'll pass. I really need a break from you for a while Me: can I ask what I did? Him: Too many games for me Me: I'm not playing any games Him: I know you don't think so, but you were Monday morning and with your resume to be specific. You ask me a question but never stop talking long enough for me to answer it. You also make everything about you; may not be your intention, but you do. Me: I've been thinking about what I could have done to make you upset, and the more I thought, I realized that I may have been to pushy. It was not my intention to be that way and I apologize if I came off that way. I really care about you and want to work on this relationship. I don't want us to end because of something that I was unaware of. I will try my best to change, but I would like for you to correct me if I do that. Also, I want us to be able to talk about things if something is not right. I understand that you are stressed out about school and selling the house and I will give you the space you need, but I don't want things to be over. Side note to the resume--this guy makes three times as much as I do and it made me really self conscious when I found that out. I applied to (and after his help on my resume got an interview for) my dream job that is a better fit for me than my current one is. I asked him for help on fixing my resume and he had me read it out loud while he was cooking us dinner, but then I got so embarrassed and insure I kind of just shut down and just let it go. I told him that and he just kind of smiled at me. I later emailed him my resume and he sent me back the corrections. Can someone help me please? I feel like I am ruining a great relationship and I don't know how to fix it. This is a guy that told me if I ever left him he would be devastated. Did I kill it?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 He's definitely not enjoying the relationship anymore. Him telling you he needs a break from you for a while sounds to me like he's trying to end it. You have said your piece and apologized. There's not much more you can do. If you have heard nothing within a few days, I would interpret that to mean it's over. 1
BikerAccnt Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 Historic, our current situations are so similar it's scary. I've been with my GF 5 months now, and I think I've ruined the relationship, though in truth, if my GF, or your BF, isn't willing to work on something, there isn't much we can do. Like you, I was feeling a bit neglected during a period my GF was having a very tough time at work. She put off seeing me 4 times in a row. We only see each other 2-3 times a week due to schedules as it is, so that meant it had been nearly two weeks since we'd seen each other. Addtionally she informed me that she would be going to her families with her daughter for Thanksgiving; didn't even mention inviting me along. Then later that week when she put me off a 5th time, I called her on it, and asked if there was something more than work stress we needed to discuss. She lit into me. I mean, she was pissed off. She said nearly word for word what your BF said to you - that it was always about me, if I didn't get to see her when I wanted I'd get "pissy" but if I needed a day off she was fine with it. That she bent her schedule with her family to see me and she was always worried about who she was making mad. Now, I disagree about the me being pissy part, I can't ever recall telling her I was too busy to see her on a given day but...if she feels that she feels that. As far as the other stuff, well if she never told me that, how was I supposed to know? I said my piece and apologized, I won't continually apologize. If this was enough for her to decide to end the relationship, or for your boyfriend, well, not much we can do about it. Anyway, though she didn't officially ask for a break, seems we are on one of a sort. She's come by once and we went out for dinner, during that time she took the few personal items she had here home with her, and she didn't want to talk about our argument/disagreement. Since then she's been very quiet, no text initiation, no phone calls, not much at all. Did I kill it? I don't know, but I have the feeling it is dead, or dying. And your relationship with your BF seems headed the same way. i'm going to give my GF a few days without any contact at all. If I dont hear from her, I'll know my answer, and I'll call her to end it officially. One thing I can't stand is being in limbo, I won't put up with it. Someone either wants to be with you, or they don't. There is no such thing as a break in my book.
Author historic88 Posted November 25, 2016 Author Posted November 25, 2016 I just don't think it's fair that our relationship has to end over something stupid, we haven't even had an argument before. Then he throws this in my face out of the blue? I just wish there was a way I could get someone to shake him and make him realize he's throwing away a good thing. We have no neutral friends . I also feel like this was my fault and he's not giving me a chance to fix it. I've gone through breakups before, but this one is going to be hard. I'm just in total shock and I can't bring myself out of it.
lana-banana Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 (edited) I hate to say it but this is dead in the water. When a guy says he needs a break from you and feels that you're playing games, he means it. You can't reverse that impression unless he wants to give you an opportunity and it's clear that he doesn't. He even canceled your holiday plans together, for crying out loud. Write this one off as a lesson learned. Edited November 25, 2016 by lana-banana 1
BikerAccnt Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 I don't think it's fair either, but unfortunately, life isn't. We can't control how other people think, or feel. Like you, I feel my GF is throwing away what good be a really strong relationship. But like you, that's MY feeling, and that's YOUR feeling, apparently, it's not the feelings of the people we are seeing. We can't do anything about that. I don't think it's just the one argument in your case, or in mine. There was probably something about each of us that was bothering them that the argument just brought to a head. Because in all of my past relationship, if there was really a base both thought was worth building on, you didn't tear it down at your first disagreement. Good luck to you, I know we'll both be fine.
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