Grapesofwrath Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Whatwhit: Very glad to hear that you have entered therapy. As Blues points out, it takes a while to establish rapport and get into a groove with it. Give it time. I think you are right to focus on why you are afraid to be alone. Speaking from experience, this fear will drive you to enter/continue toxic relationships that do nothing but drain your soul. If you really want to find the right person, you have to BE the right person. Work on yourself and get comfortable on your own. This can take years. Doesn't mean you can't date casually, but avoid serious committments during this time. Once you get to that place--and this can take a while--then you will be happy and okay regardless of your relationship status. You will get involved with only those who add to your life. You will find a partner who respects you and wants to partner with you because you are confident, solid, and capable of life on your own. That is the most attractive thing to other healthy people. 1
Author whatwhit Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 God what's wrong with me. I only lasted 10 days and I contacted him. Asking if I could get my things. Esp I don't even need the things that are over there. He's ignoring me and I found out he's already on dating sites. How do I get over this, why did he treat me this way. I'm a good girlfriend. Why am I holding on to how things were in the beginning? I am so mad at myself.
BluesPower Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Just keep up with the therapy and stay NC. You can do this, it is not easy but you can do it...
selinaluv Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 God what's wrong with me. I only lasted 10 days and I contacted him. Asking if I could get my things. Esp I don't even need the things that are over there. He's ignoring me and I found out he's already on dating sites. How do I get over this, why did he treat me this way. I'm a good girlfriend. Why am I holding on to how things were in the beginning? I am so mad at myself. Your actions are totally normal, your feelings are very natural, and you will figure it out through therapy. You will have slip ups and that is okay. Don't try to focus on asking the whys, because you will never get the answer you need to heal. That needs to come from within you. You will eventually learn the best thing to do it is turn away and move on, but it takes time. I am coming from experience here and these things really do take time.
kendahke Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 God what's wrong with me. I only lasted 10 days and I contacted him. Asking if I could get my things. Esp I don't even need the things that are over there. He's ignoring me and I found out he's already on dating sites. How do I get over this, why did he treat me this way. I'm a good girlfriend. Why am I holding on to how things were in the beginning? I am so mad at myself. One day, you will stop doing things that are hurtful to yourself. You don't need to be joining in on that bandwagon. If you don't need those items, then block his number, delete his presence from your life. Ask one of your girlfriends if you can call them whenever you feel as if you're weakening to the point of calling him. Have a kinder consideration for your own esteem... if you don't think you're worth better treatment, no one will believe it. 1
selinaluv Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Is it sad that I expected him to at least say happy thanksgiving to myself? I don't want him back I just wish he felt some sort of remorse. He did apologize and told me I don't deserve this. But that still doesn't feel like enough. I never been cheated on ( at least that I know of ) how do I get passed this? Esp around the holidays? It is understandable you would want this from him, but try to step away from that thinking cause it may never happen. Don't expect anything from him and don't edge your happiness on these moments. Odds are you will never get them. He is apologizing right now because he feels he should, not because he has remorse. My ex husband was the same way and I kept waiting for a long time. It hurts, but the sooner you remember that, the sooner you will heal. And someday you may get his acknowledgement and I promise you when that day comes you will not care. 1
kvolm2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 God what's wrong with me. I only lasted 10 days and I contacted him. Asking if I could get my things. Esp I don't even need the things that are over there. He's ignoring me and I found out he's already on dating sites. How do I get over this, why did he treat me this way. I'm a good girlfriend. Why am I holding on to how things were in the beginning? I am so mad at myself. These are all good questions to be asking yourself! Not because you have the answers to them but because these are the questions you want your counselor to help you find answers for. And even though you broke the no contact, you just start over again and hopefully this next time period will be longer than 10 days. And if it's not, you just start over again every time!
BluesPower Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Think about is like this... Progress not perfection. That is one of the sayings that they use in AA.
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