laneyinlove Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Hey everyone. I am so very sad today. I just found out that my ex has been talking about marriage to some 22 year old girl he met in Thailand on vacation where he's gone back to vacation with her for 2 weeks. They have only known each other for 3months tops and most of that time it has been long distance with calls and such. we've been broken up for 5 months.My ex is 36 and at first I was thinking that he was going through some midlife crisis and would come back to me when he's gotten it out of his system but I guess not. I guess she's young and beutiful and there is no way I can compete with that because I am 28. He has even been talking about bringing her over to his place and live with her and get her a job or get her to go to school here. I guess I have to rationalize that he's over me. before he left he kept on Iming me everyday and all that. At the momment I know he is also seeing someone here in san fran who is a bit older 32 I think and she has no idea that he is over there with the 22 year old and hasn't told her about any of this. They have been dating for about 2 and a half months as well. he has so many incredibly good qualities. he's handsome and smart and successful and unbeleiveably charismatic but on the other hand at 36 he's deeply into porn and does E and coke and smokes pot and likes to throw tons of parties and always needs to be the center of attention and has gone on sex websites in search of sex parties and always wanting threesomes and such where I felt he was being irresponsible and being an aging playboy ( but everything else he was perfect). I keep on having that feeling that I was not good enough like the 22 year old who is gonna turn him into the man I had always hoped he'd be. But then I guess he can be like a charlie sheen type character and I don't want to be denise richards pregnant at 5 months and getting a divorce. It's justI've never been so in love before. i know I am somewhat young and will find someone who deserves me and all but it's just so hard to heal from this break-up when I am so in love with him. He made me really happy but I was just scared to love and pushed him away and was confrontational about a lot of things. sometimes I feel that my gut was guidingme to drop him appropriately so because he is a bad boy but I keep on kicking myself saying I should have handled things better. I feel like the jaded older bitter women and she is the beautiful youthful girl that has everything to look forward to. Please someone knock some sense into me and give me an objective point of view. Thanks for all your help.
suegail Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 You said: "at 36 he's deeply into porn and does E and coke and smokes pot and likes to throw tons of parties and always needs to be the center of attention and has gone on sex websites in search of sex parties and always wanting threesomes and such where I felt he was being irresponsible and being an aging playboy" I say: ahhh....well, lemme see - - hmmmm, yeah, uh huh, definately. I figured it out. You're better off without him. seriously though, just let him go. Women always seem to feel they can change a man, but it doesn't usually turn out that way unless the man is committed to making a change and I highly doubt he'll change for his new girlfriend either. If anything he'll probably become her worst nightmare. It's a shame to see someone so young getting mixed up with someone a good deal older than her who has such a mixed up life. Keep telling yourself you should be glad he's leaving you alone and honestly I think one day that is exactly how you'll feel. In time you'll believe that... good luck.
moon Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 he's handsome and smart and successful and unbeleiveably charismatic but on the other hand at 36 he's deeply into porn and does E and coke and smokes pot and likes to throw tons of parties and always needs to be the center of attention and has gone on sex websites in search of sex parties and always wanting threesomes and such where I felt he was being irresponsible and being an aging playboy ( but everything else he was perfect). I just saw the person above quoted you there too..........but seriously. This is one post where I can almost see myself in. I have gone out with guys too who have "great qualities" yet many of their other qualities are down right dispicable. Co-mingling his great qualities and the horrible ones that you've pointed out here would make me say RUN FROM THIS GUY!!! Seriously, he sounds like a total control freak (maybe what you might call charisma), he sounds heavy into drugs, porn, sex..........ETCETERA. I can see how you might want to widdle away his very bad qualities and focus on the good, but seriously, this guy sounds like a total player. I've spent lots of time in Asia---years, and yes there are a lot of Thai girls looking to hook up with an American men. Sex tourism is heavy out there too. Yes, if that's what he's into, quite frankly he could get this girl easily to move back to the US with him. Some Asian women are so up for meeting a Western man they will go to great lengths to try to please him. Asian women (yes I am stereotyping) are different than Western women. They haven't had the whole women's liberation thing. Yes, they'll cook, clean, whatever...raise kids. That's their job once they are married. Western women are a lot more opinionated and.....of course....EQUAL. But it's a different world out in Asia. I love it out there, though, even though I am female, but I didn't spend a lot of time dating Asian men because I thought I'd probably turn into their housewife in due time. But I am fearful of that type of stuff even here in the US too....so maybe it's just me. I think what this guy has over you is control. He's playing you. He's obviously just good at keeping you under his thumb. He sounds very immature and not like a guy you'd want to think seriously about at all. He sounds like he's got major issues with intimacy and would have a very hard time having a real relationship with anybody. Some people are like that. They are very shallow and probably have a lot of hurt and issues inside them. I'd run fast from this guy. I wouldn't answer his calls or e-mails anymore. It sounds like he thinks women are disposible---another core value of guys (and girls) with a total lack of intimacy skills. I'd say you'd be better off alone than with this guy. Good luck.
Recommended Posts