Jestein007 Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 I want to start off by saying this is honestly the first girl I ever fell for and we dated for about 1.5 years. I recently moved from Tallahassee (where we were dating) alone to Austin to broaden my horizon and finish school out there. My gf at the time was very hurt that I was leaving just to finish school but was open to trying long distance (i know everyone is already seeing where this is going). Anyways things are perfectly fine for about 2 months but at the beginning of the 3rd month she changed. She rarely wanted to talk she was always "busy" you know the usual. One day I was just talking to her and she randomly got angry and said, "I've been seeing somebody" my instant reaction was in disbelief. She blamed it on the fact that my past (I was a bad bf early on, really just didn't know how to be one tbh) is just something she can not continue to be with. I felt the sense that this was partly true but also mainly that I felt she just wasn't getting the attention she desired becuase I was far away. It honestly didn't bother me that much but anyways now that you have the back story this is what has been taking over my mind the past few weeks and I need help on which direction I should take. She insists that she "wants to see where it goes" with this guy but she doesn't want to stop talking to me in the process of seeing where it goes. I obviously didn't agree to this but for the past weeks while she has been seeing this guy she will just constantly say to me "I still really want to be with you, I just don't know if I ever could again" or "My heart wants you but my mind and what I feel is right for me is him" I just really don't understand or know what to do in this situation her little hints at us potentially being back together keep me honestly wrapped around her finger (I'm sorry, I love her deeply) but I have become content with complacency in the process of just getting shoved the side in hopes that she will come back. I am starting to question my own sanity and am just overall really depressed and anxious all the time. She will literally be texting me one moment then just like disappear for the night. Lastly, I know many of you are thinking I have to go no contact in order to get over this but honestly I am nervous that if I do I will loose her for good and it almost makes me "want" to stay "available" even if it means being hurt all the time becuase I'm hoping that she will remember how much she loves me and come back. Any experiences, advice, or suggestions are welcomed. Thank you all in advance P.S. I've told her that I would be willing to move back to Tallahassee to be with her and she just really hasn't given me a straight answer if she would take me back if I came back.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 She is losing respect for you every time you reply. She is dating another guy and treating you as the Back-Up Plan. This isn't about being in love; it's about having self-respect. You are teaching her she can cheat, ditch you when she wants, and come back for attention when her new guy isn't around. Stop doing that to yourself. Don't be so afraid to lose her. She's not much of a prize if she started dating someone else while she was in a relationship with you. She could have ended it with you and then started dating; but she didn't. She played you and was dishonest and dated you both at the same time. And you are asking her for another chance? You've got it all backwards, my friend. 1
basil67 Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 Jestein, you really need to question why you want a girl who treats you like rubbish. Can't you do better?
Sweetfish Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 She is getting the best of both worlds. She is having a relationship of another man and enjoying talking to you when he is not around. Not good dude. You moving back to Tally. Not good dude. You fighting for her to love you.. Not good!! You need to cut this loose...
Author Jestein007 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Posted November 23, 2016 She is losing respect for you every time you reply. She is dating another guy and treating you as the Back-Up Plan. This isn't about being in love; it's about having self-respect. You are teaching her she can cheat, ditch you when she wants, and come back for attention when her new guy isn't around. Stop doing that to yourself. Don't be so afraid to lose her. She's not much of a prize if she started dating someone else while she was in a relationship with you. She could have ended it with you and then started dating; but she didn't. She played you and was dishonest and dated you both at the same time. And you are asking her for another chance? You've got it all backwards, my friend. Thanks for the reply I just feel that becuase me moving sparked these desires to seek out other guys makes me think that if I move back I can take control of the situation becuase I feel with me being so far it puts me at a severe disadvantage. [ugh just can't believe I'm even thinking like this having to battle me own girlfriend away from a random guy....]
Author Jestein007 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Posted November 23, 2016 She is getting the best of both worlds. She is having a relationship of another man and enjoying talking to you when he is not around. Not good dude. You moving back to Tally. Not good dude. You fighting for her to love you.. Not good!! You need to cut this loose... Dude thanks so much for this kind of response, on a side note I really have 0 friends here and have been living here for close to 6 months part of why I want to go back is obviously for her but another part is that all my friends are there and quite honestly i feel really isolated and alone here especially becuase of this and because I don't know a soul
MrPlop Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 It was my understanding you moved to finish school, she wasn't physically there initially when you moved, and she isn't emotionally there now. Nothing has changed much, so moving back for her is not a valid reason. Don't lose sight of your goal now, and you already lost her when she became open for business. Don't go back, let this one die down quietly. Think about it, do you see any future here at all? Can't you see the pattern? What if you have to travel one day for a week or two, is she gonna feel lonely and not getting enough attention and land on someone's lap again?
Been Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 She might as well say this to you: hey I'm seeing another man but I'm not so sure if it's going to go somewhere so I still want to talk to you in case it goes bad with my new boyfriend I'll have you to fall back to. Sound like a woman you want to invest your time in?
Redhead14 Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 Since she is having a difficult time deciding, make it easier for her . . . remove one of the "options" -- YOU. You are setting yourself up to be a doormat.
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