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Should I be mad or should he?


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Posted

Quick background… So I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. I am a college student. While in school I’m very dedicated and never let myself get into the party scene. Since I have been home, I have been trying to enjoy my time with my friends and him as much as I can. Hanging out with friends usually means going out to a bar or club since they are still young and into going out all of the time. When I go I have a drink or 2, but that’s it. I’m there for the social and fun.

 

Last 4th of July, me and my bf went to the fireworks with friends and had a blast. He wasn’t feeling so go, so we went back to his house alone and hung out there. Stopped at the store on the way home because... well, it was the 4th and I felt like having a few drinks, hehe. Well I ended up having a bit too much and got sick. He brought me home. The next morning I texted him apologizing for the night before and told him I love him, like I always do. He replied “I think you need therapy for your drinking”

 

I took total offense to that message. He has mentioned to me before that I seem like I like to have a drink in order to have fun. It’s not true; I don’t drink to get drunk. Just to relax and have fun while out with friends. Not often at all... Just once a week or maybe 2 days at the most. Is that really bad and does it sound like I need help like he said?

 

I have been with him for so many years wouldn’t the right thing for him to do would be to sit me down and talk to me if he really thought that I had a problem. I think him saying that it was just out of irritation. Or could that be how he really feels. Maybe he was trying to avoid a blowup fight which he may have thought would have happened if he talked in person to me about that.

 

Well since he texted me that, I have not talked to him. I never replied to the message because I was so angry I didn’t want to say anything I regretted and was going to give it a little time for things to cool down. Well it is over a week later and he hasn’t called or texted me like I hoped he would.

 

Do you think I have a right to be angry that he said that to me in a TEXT? I mean, could you get any impersonal? Any ideas of why he isn’t calling? I’m kicking myself now for not replying, but I feel like it’s too late. I’m starting to really feel bad. He is not perfect when it comes to relationships, but when I have a problem I try to always talk in person. I would never bring up an issue like that in a text message.

 

If I do end up talking to him, I want to do it in a text. That is always the easiest way to start talking again after a fight. What should I say?

 

Should I just give him time and leave him alone until he is ready to talk? Or am I in the wrong and I should be trying to talk to him? Is there anything that is right that I could say? Or just move on…

  • Author
Posted

While looking for a reply and reading my post about 40 times, I came up with what I felt was best.. You would think after 4 years I would know how to handle this stuff and wouldn't feel the need to post here. But you guys really do give the best advice :) I have been thinking a lot about what he said, and I have a lot of thoughts about it and I think me and him need to talk about how we both feel.

 

So I texted him saying exactly that.. I wrote quote: I have been thinking a lot about what you said, we should talk.

 

I am really hoping that wasn’t a mistake

Posted

I don't think you made a mistake at all (I'm thinking you need to hear that)! I agree you two need to talk. To be honest if he feels you have a problem, then he should be addressing it in a supportive way - NOT via text message.

 

Sounds like he was trying to be hurtful, either that or he simply wasn't thinking. Regardless you were hurt and therefore need to sit down and discuss what's going through both of your minds.

 

Let us know how it goes

Posted

I think he was just trying to find an excuse to cause a fight that will lead into a break-up. Since you never replied, he has an excuse to not call you. If you call him, he will find another excuse to start an argument and blame you for the break-up.

He is such a coward! If he wanted to recommend therapy, he would've done that in a different way and not by cutting you off. Especially since you're not a heavy drinker.

  • Author
Posted

Well, he never responded to my message. I really feel that you guys are right. He was just trying to be hurtful and was just looking to start something that would push/break us apart. I feel like him saying I have a problem and then cutting me off is his way of getting out of this with me being the bad guy...

 

He has gone through spells before where he wants a little space, but never in such a cruel way or for this long. Just the day before this all went down we were talking about how awesome it’s going to be when I move in with him in Sept. Now I don’t even know if I should think we are together or not.

 

Would you consider the relationship over after something like this, or just give it time?.. Clueless on what should be the next move, if any.

Posted

IMHO the next move is his. You have already made your concilitory move, by saying you would like to talk. His ignoring your text message is just rude and childish.

 

I would just keep living my life - if he responds at some point and YOU want to work things out, then be open minded and willing to talk. Do not, under any circumstances, simply role over - you guys need to work this issue out. This inability on his part to communicate directly is not acceptable.

 

Bottom line if he continues the games, I would just dump his A$$. If he wants to come back as an adult, and truly communicate, the good the bad and the ugly - then you have something to worth considering.

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