Spoonss Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Well my gf of 2 years split with me last month, I lost my job. I'm 28 had to move back in with my parents. To be honest I am barely keeping it together. I am barely staying sane I am extremely depressed I'm trying myou hardest to just keep pushing forward but man is it ever hard. My ex and I have met up a few times and slept together all night she still sais she doesnt want to be together I am a ****in mess. It was my fault we split don't get me wrong I have taKen full responsibility but I feel like she just wants me to suffer and not rebuild. I thought she was the one and I cannot seem to let go. I am still holding on to hope even though she sais she will never date me again. Why am I so hopeless for this woman.
Buddhist Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 You've had three major hits to your self esteem here. Lost gf, job and having to move in with the folks. I don't doubt you feel terrible and are close to losing it. This is enough to push anyone over the edge. Here's my advice for you.... - If your GF doesn't want a reconciliation then don't sleep with her. I know the temptation is there but just don't do it. It will only mess you up more by feeding you false hope and then reminding you of all that you are missing. It is actually easier to just not go there at all and let this wound heal instead of constantly picking at a scab. You will love again. - Focus on your job hunt. I know, that's ****ty too but at least it will pass the hours and eventually get you into a better position than you are right now. - Don't forget to exercise, eat well and sleep plenty. Your body needs it's physical supports more than ever when you are dealing with stress of this magnitude. 1
bummer Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 you love her like a heroin addict loves smack. It's not healthy, it doesn't love you back, and it only makes your other problems worse. Remind yourself of the good things you have going for you. Remind yourself the end wasn't all your fault. Clearly she has her reasons for not wanting to continue and you can't control her. On some level, she's responsible for not wanting to work things out and try again. Happy job hunting! 1
Sweetfish Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Well my gf of 2 years split with me last month, I lost my job. I'm 28 had to move back in with my parents. To be honest I am barely keeping it together. I am barely staying sane I am extremely depressed I'm trying myou hardest to just keep pushing forward but man is it ever hard. My ex and I have met up a few times and slept together all night she still sais she doesnt want to be together I am a ****in mess. It was my fault we split don't get me wrong I have taKen full responsibility but I feel like she just wants me to suffer and not rebuild. I thought she was the one and I cannot seem to let go. I am still holding on to hope even though she sais she will never date me again. Why am I so hopeless for this woman. You've taken full responsibility?? Full responsibility for?
Author Spoonss Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 You've taken full responsibility?? Full responsibility for? Not showing her I cared and appreciated her enough and I also lied to her about dumb stuff. Never another woman or anyone else bUT I broke her trust
fromheart Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Well my gf of 2 years split with me last month, I lost my job. I'm 28 had to move back in with my parents. To be honest I am barely keeping it together. I am barely staying sane I am extremely depressed I'm trying myou hardest to just keep pushing forward but man is it ever hard. My ex and I have met up a few times and slept together all night she still sais she doesnt want to be together I am a ****in mess. It was my fault we split don't get me wrong I have taKen full responsibility but I feel like she just wants me to suffer and not rebuild. I thought she was the one and I cannot seem to let go. I am still holding on to hope even though she sais she will never date me again. Why am I so hopeless for this woman. Whatever it is you think you've done, its obviously not that bad otherwise she wouldn't be sleeping with you after the break up. I'm guessing you didn't abuse her or cheat on her, probably the usual dumb, harmless but needy mistakes we all make form time to time. Its in some womens nature to make the man pay after the break up. One reason for that, apart from their own insecurity and mean streak, is that you're settling for less than what you want. She has complete power to make you feel good or bad, and will never respect you for it. In fact she will continue to rub your face in it until you say NO. The solution is to say to her, your not interested in being her F'buddy or girly sleep over gay guy, if she wants to get back the doors open. But you are now walking away with complete NC. Making yourself feel good about you and your life. This is the only solution on all levels. Do this, and you're on the road to success. 1
bruindds Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 i know how hard the first few weeks are-- it is full blown withdrawal. stick with NC, and really look at just being with yourself right now. focus on finding a job, get together with frieds. it does get better!
kvolm2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Sorry to hear about this string of hard things you have experienced. Any one of these is challenging to deal with, let alone all together. These forums are a great place to get advice and I agree with the previous posts about focusing on your job search and no contact with this girl if the two of you are not working toward a healthy reconciliation. I also wanted to suggest that you may want to talk with a counselor just to give you some personal support and ways to process through all that you are dealing with right now. Don't know if you have one but I always tell my friends to start with a Focus counselor because they offer a no cost phone line to discuss your situation with a licensed counselor. If you are interested, their # is 855-382-5433. Hope this is helpful!
Author Spoonss Posted November 23, 2016 Author Posted November 23, 2016 I am so drained, I was trying to keep contact with her after once every few days making excuses to see her wanting to get my stuff back every time we ended up sleeping together for hours/crying together. She still refused to try and work things out. I want her back I dont know why but since last tuesday I stopped all communication with her. She hasnt contacted me its been a week and today I am really struggling which is why im on here and dont do something stupid like message her. Because my feeling is if she really wants me she will reach out since she broke up with me. I put my feelings on the line so many times and just got squashed I am really losing it tonight.Need some advice should i reach out or stay no contact. Should I appologize to her for neglecting her and not putting enough into our relationship shes really a great girl and I feel horrible for hurting her.
Bromeo Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 First thing to do is chill. Nothing will be fixed or wrecked in the short term. Then, exercise or do something for you that reduces the stress. That will put you in a different headspace to make good decisions. Try running. Then, and listen closely, this part is important... Do... ...Nothing. Let her come to you a bit. Don't apologize, make excuses, or try and change. Act with confidence. The more you chase, the less they want you. Try backing off. If you need proof, read my tales of woe. When I don't chase, ladies love me. I chased a bartender, and got my feelings sautéed as a result. Lol
jamili Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 (edited) I'm at 1 & 1/4 months NC here. My ex seemed to give me mixed signals after the breakup, and it was very confusing. If confronted she refused to work things out or talk about anything.. but as soon as I would let it go, she would start with the mixed signals again. This is the sort of thing that seemed to get us nowhere and just delayed my recovery. After going NC (which was pretty mutual tbh), and getting a few residual breadcrumb texts, she stopped completely. It is hard. The first 3 weeks of NC are the hardest. After that, it got slightly better for me. Now I'm doing a little better. I've finally accepted that she probably doesn't miss me at all, and that I likely will never hear from her again, and as much as it sucks, and as unnatural as that feels in my heart... I can live with that. I agree with your thinking - if the dumper wants you, they will reach out. You reaching out to them will likely only push them further away. Just give them what they want, and leave their life. Some say it will make them miss what they lost, I think that's definitely possible, but also probably unlikely. But the only way to know for sure is to do it. In the grand scheme of things, there hasn't been a lot of time that has passed. Maybe she will contact you in a month, maybe 6 months, maybe a year, or maybe never. But I think the best bet is to plan for never, and if she contacts you someday then cross that bridge. The hope is going to destroy you. Think about this logically... if she loves you, and truly wants you as much as one "should" want another if there is going to be any kind of successful relationship.... wouldn't they do everything in their power to keep you around? Wouldn't you do everything in your power to keep her around? That might put things into perspective. Understand that she doesn't care for you the same way you care for her, or else she wouldn't have ejected you from her life. It hurts to hear, but it's logical, isn't it? I think the goal here is to find a woman who would find it to be a NIGHTMARE to ever lose you from their life. One who wouldn't take you for granted, and appreciate what she has. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't feel this way about you? Wouldn't you be happier with a woman who REALLY wants you and never wants to lose you? These are things I've been realizing as I heal and become more detached from the relationship. If she isn't coming back to you, , or trying to work things out... she isn't the right girl. If she was the RIGHT girl, you wouldn't have been dumped in the first place. I personally wouldn't send anything, especially if you still want there to be some chance of her coming back. Let her have what she so dearly wanted - you gone - and then see if she likes her life better like that. If she does like it better- great! Now you know for SURE she wasn't the girl you were going to marry. If she comes back - then you can decide if you want to give it another shot. Until then, I'd just give her all the space she wants and not contact her at all. Stay strong! Also, TIP: meet other women. Go on dates. It is going to feel STRANGE and uncomfortable at first... but it will help you realize there are a ton of other women out there who WANT you.. and it could be a wakeup call to you as to why your are sitting here pining over one that TOSSED YOU TO THE CURB. In fact, in time, I think it becomes pretty clear - laughable even - why you pined over someone who wanted to do with you all. It helped me at least. Edited November 23, 2016 by jamili
Bromeo Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 Jamili, where are these nightmare women you speak of? I'd like to meet one. I had one who certainly became a nightmare for me. Just one, d a m n time I'd like one to chase me a bit. Lol
jamili Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 Bromeo, I'm not really talking about chasing here. What I mean is someone who not only wouldn't want to dump you, but also loves you so much that losing you would be the last thing they would ever want. If both people don't really want to stay together, then it isn't going to work, simple as that. There is no chasing involved. It's just two people are love each other equally and will go on to have a successful relationship together. If a woman dumps you, it means she doesn't want you in her life any longer - the right woman will want you in her life forever. That's what I'm saying.
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