smile95 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Just curious....who taught you how to treat a woman/man? Did you learn from example from your family? Did you learn from your friends? Did you learn on your own? Did you not learn? The reason I ask is becasue I strongly feel that if you were never shown how to love or loved in your past from your parents, I do not think you know how to show it? I ask this becasue I truly feel that my ex was clueless. He was married at age 20 and divorcing. He went from mom to dads house growing up and joined the military at age 18. he said that his family was not about showing love to one another. When he sees my family, he sees how different things are with us. I think I expected all people to be like my family. Just becasue he does not show it as much, does it mean he does not still love? I am not trying to make excuses for him, just trying to figure out who taught him to love. Or how to show you care for someone. For me, it was my family. I am learning that not everyone loves/shows they care the same. Just curiuos....who taught you? Or do you think it is something you are born with?
Blackfrost Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 My mother and father definitely did not. They are as dysfunctional a married couple as I have ever met in my life. I think that due to the domestic violence that I grew up my entire childhood surrounded by, it led me down an interesting path as a kid. I used to read and read and read to escape the world that I was trying to grow up in. Books taught me to love. Books taught me about kindness, honor, respect, love and courtship. Starting around 5th or 6th grade, I will always remember discovering Chaucer, translations of Beowulf, the Enid, the Illiad, books by C.S. Lewis, and just an endless supply of historical fiction with romantic undercurrents. I would say that everything I am now, and firmly hold core to my person, comes from the magic of reading.
RecordProducer Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Blackfrost, you seem to have a magical personality as well. My mom and dad are divorced, but they love me so I guess that was the first lesson of love I learned. My grandparents also love me. I was born romantic (artistic pisces) so I needed love since I've known of my existence. Books and movies made me long for perfect love. I actually wonder how this world would look like if we didn't read/watch stories. Would we expect perfect romance anyway? Beth, you think your ex had emotional problems because he didn't receive enough love in the childhood. it's possible. But it's a delicate subject and I am sure there are lots of theories in the psychiatry concerning this matter so you may be curious enough to do a research on the net.
Author smile95 Posted July 14, 2005 Author Posted July 14, 2005 I have been doing some research about it. It is really interesting to be honest. I have learned so much from this relationship. Most importantly that not everyone is like me and I have to learn to adjust. As long as adjusting does not involve being walked all over. I find it intersting to see how children turn out when you look at all the factors involved in thier lives growing up.
Blackfrost Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 you think your ex had emotional problems because he didn't receive enough love in the childhood. it's possible. Good observation. That's definitely a possibility, as I had some pretty wicked emotional issues that took years to work through, and learn to accept, from my upbringing. I know that I was desperate for love from anyone for alot of years, and this led me down some pretty destructive paths in my early 20's where I did things to stop from feeling any pain anymore. The really screwed up part in my story, is now my parents are old and retired, and are trying to make amends for their behavior in the past. Sadly for both me and them, I cannot ever completely forgive them, and to this day will only see them once or twice a year on a major holidays because I have guilt. Otherwise, I'd sooner dismiss them as a bad memory. Thank you for the kind comment RP hmmm....how many post do I have to make on this forum before I meet the quota needed to be granted the ability to use the PM function? Mine doesn't seem to work
RecordProducer Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Blackfrost, you have to go to My Profile -> Edit Options and enable private messaging. That's all. Beth, sorry for hijacking your thread.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 My Father taught me how to get a woman.. My Mother taught me how to treat a woman with the help of 4 sisters.... But no one has taught me how to keep a woman.. Seems almost impossible I think that all of my family have taught me how to love
Blackfrost Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 It was already set that way in the options I tried to PM you Your private message to RecordProducer could not be sent. This could be due to one of several reasons: 1.You have disabled private messaging in your account options and are trying to contact someone that is not a moderator. 2.RecordProducer may have chosen to disable private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. 3.You have not yet met our private messaging use criteria. We only permit active participants to use our private messaging facilities. All I can assume from my test is either option #2 or option #3 Sorry for the Hijack all hahaha the moderater is gonna kill me
Jennifer'sSecret Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 I know that I taught all of my meaningful exes to love, or at least they tell me so. They were horrible in the relationship with me, couldn't open up, couldn't give, couldn't be faithful, blah blah blah...but once the relationship was over, they'd look back and say something to the effect of "thank you for being in that relationship with me, you taught me a lot about life, relationships, women...how to love, how to accept love, how to be in love..." Each of my serious relationships with these guys ended amicably, believe it or not. And the really freaky thing about it is that they ALL married the woman they dated immediately after me. Each of them invited me to the wedding, and they'd thank me - either in a speech at their wedding or at a special dinner or something, with wifey right there next to him - for teaching them enough to be able to know the real thing when it hit 'em. 5 in a row. Yes, FIVE. It's...amazing. When's it gonna be my turn??
RecordProducer Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Originally posted by Blackfrost hahaha the moderater is gonna kill me Yeeeeah, keep 'em busy! My private messaging is enabled and my mailbox is not full. Yours is turned off though. Why don't you contact LS and see what they say? I guess you should post more often. Is PM-ing me worth the pain?
TUDOR Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Yeeeeah, keep 'em busy! My private messaging is enabled and my mailbox is not full. Yours is turned off though. Why don't you contact LS and see what they say? I guess you should post more often. Is PM-ing me worth the pain? Not sure if there is certain time frame for new members or magic numbe of posts you have to make before you are able to PM. Could be the problem for blackfrost.
Blackfrost Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Might as well go for broke with the mods I emailed LS yesterday, but they haven't responded yet. I'm assuming it's the timeframe aspect.........either that or they hate me hahahaha
RecordProducer Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 It's either the time or number of posts or both. Just keep posting.
NatoPMT Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 I think this is an interesting topic, one i have thought about. My family taught me very very little about love, respect, happiness - my mum truly believes that men are all b'stards, only good use financially, they are untrustworthy and that you will never be happy with a man. I didnt subscribe to that, but i didnt know how to love someone because id never been taught. I felt that i was emotionally stunted in some respects and that i floundered around, using drama and blackmail to get what i wanted without giving much of any value back. Then i had a bad relationship with someone essentially good, who had the right idea about how to treat people and treat yourself, but couldnt put them into practise. I learned by listening to him, having a period of time on my own for serious soul searching, and then practising what i liked about the things he taught me. And LS has helped me in that respect too. Beth, one thing i learned was that someone only learns if they want to - or are able to, no matter how much you lead your ex to the right place, even the most responsible advice may be lost on him. My learning was a combination of timing, bad experiences, exhaustion at myself and being heartbroken. My set of circumstances may be totally different to the set that leads your ex what he needs to learn, if he ever does
griftymcgriff Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 LOL, yeah my family taught me absolutely nothing about love and how to show affection to your partner...my mums always telling me how much my dad is an idiot, well he is a bit of an idiot. he doesnt know how to share most of the time. Anyhow i think movies, and books taught me how to treat women. I used to see the bad examples of how to treat a girl, like disrespecting, treating like ****, not listening, not sharing things with her, not being friendly, being abusive. Stuff like that has stuck in my mind so i always know how not to act with a girl!
lindya Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 Just curiuos....who taught you? I know Mr Jack Daniels was one of them, but I can't remember the other guy's name.
Rosalind Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by lindya I know Mr Jack Daniels was one of them, but I can't remember the other guy's name. Johnnie Walker
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by Merin My Wee People Makes me want to have kids one day
Merin Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall Makes me want to have kids one day Love My Little Peeps like no other.. and honestly I thought I knew all about what Love was but found out I didn't have a clue until they came along..
JS17 Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 relationship love, i learned from my parents. i think most people do, for better or for worse. my parents met when they were 16 and 17 and still love each other more than anything. but hey, my love life is a mess, so your family background doesn't say everything but i do think it's very important. AND i always ask prospects about their parents very early on.....plus i think guys with strong moms know how to deal with strong women/girlfriends.
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