leila222 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 I broke up with a guy about 3 years ago, or shall i say he dumped my as* to go back to his ex. We didnt go out for that long, not like my other two relationships. At the time, though i was very vulnerable due to some personal problems. He was a friend of our family and in the ending he treated me badly. He is still in contact with a member of my family and some of my friends so i still hear about him. I didnt love him, but what i want to know is how i can still be angry over this and the best way to get over it. i am finding it really hard to believe that after all this time what happened still bothers me. Please don't give me clever advice like get over it, as i am aware of the obvious. i just wondered if anyone else has felt this way years after a breakup and what it could possibly mean.
butterfly29 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 To me it looks like whatever he did to you was pretty bad and the reason it still itches is maybe because you didn't handle it in a way you wanted to or maybe the situation isn't completely resolved. I wish I knew more details to tell you more. Unles this guy is a real jerk and that's the way you'll always think of him.
Author leila222 Posted July 14, 2005 Author Posted July 14, 2005 Thanks butterfly. Well, I suppose he isn't evil but he did sleep with me right before he broke up with me, even though he had already made plans to go back to his ex (at time i had no idea). He was someone i had known for years and i just thought he should/would have been more thoughtful when he ended it ( he dumped me in front of his roommate). He wasnt too great throughout the relationship but i wasnt really either. I made myself REALLY vulnerable to him, because of some other problems and i guess i am partly angry at myself. i just feel so immature for still being angry about such a short relationship from so long ago. I know its stuiped that it still hurts me and i am embarrassed about it. And worried about it!
butterfly29 Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Well there you go. He humiliated you, that's why you're angry. Not because you're still not over him. He really did something bad and he was an as$hole to you. Every now and then I find myself being angry at my high shool teacher who humiliated me years and years ago. I don't think it's immature. That's normal. Just think about it for a while, it may go away or not. If it doesn't, it's still OK.
Author leila222 Posted July 17, 2005 Author Posted July 17, 2005 i suppose you are right, its difficult when i hear that he still talks to people i know because i hate how he treated me and i suppose i want them to back me up. ha ha. not really fair. but thanks for the advice. i appreciate it!
ladybird Posted July 17, 2005 Posted July 17, 2005 I think I get an idea of how you feel.. my ex left me suddenly 5 months ago, I suspect for someone else even though he denies this. I think he was cheating on me with this person before he left. We have a mutual friend that we both still see but I am having difficulty in keeping this friendship going as I find it hard to have a normal conversation with him knowing that he would have been out with my ex having a laugh (at my expense, it feels) a few days before. I don't expect him to stop being a friend to my ex but I at least expect him to acknowledge the way he has behaved towards me and how badly he treated me and to tell him that he was wrong to do things the way he did but it doesn't feel like that. I do feel humiliated at times and I imagine that they sit there laughing at me in a 'us boys should stick together' way This is probably my imagination running away with me but the hurt is there.
Author leila222 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 I totally understand that. Even though my friends acknowledged it, they still don't treat him different. And i know i shouldnt expect it... One friend constantly mentions him. ha ha. He totally thinks i should be over it now and he is totally right. But i cant help it, everytime i hear his name i feel angry. bastar@ Maybe you should mention that you didnt like what happened and how your ex treated you. i would hate the idea of a friend knowing i had been cheated on and me not knowing for sure.
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