Malik Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 Hello first time on a site like this, there's no introductory forum so i thought i do it while asking this, depending on how things go i might frequent this place more. Lets just get this out of the way now. I'm a 26 year old virgin. There is really no sugar-coating it, I graduated with an associates degree a few months ago and I haven't so much as kissed anyone and I'm very self conscious about it. Alot of factors contributed to this, but mostly i grew up watching things like Jerry Springer, Maury, snapped, things that show what happened when relationships go WAY south, not to mention i'm a somewhat cautious individual and have been wary and kept people at arms length for as long as I can remember, good for staying out of the bad crowd...not so much for finding relationships. In a nutshell, I'm slow to trust and this is where the issue comes in. So I have a female friend, who told me straight up that at this point any woman I try to hook up with will likely have been around the block a few times, and the sooner i accept that the better off i will be. A hard pill to swallow, but well lets just say i have little reason to think she would be wrong about it. But then comes the whole stereotype of "if your above the age of 18 and still a virgin something is wrong with you" Hell people might give you **** for being a virgin at 16. Basically the opposite of being slut-shamed, but still the same results. Hell maybe its better that i find someone who's been around cause she would understand how much that stereotype sucks, I don't know. But then comes the trust issue, we pretty much currently live in a society, where females playing the victim card is not only tolerated but at times out right encouraged, often by man hating feminist types(Now before anyone here starts asking when I say feminist I mean feminazis, the kind of woman who thinks all men are disgusting or evil or anything like that, woman who want true equality I applaud, I'm mainly talking about those who want superiority) Anyway i digress, I know for a fact that many women are very likable and easy to get along with, but i just can't shake that one little nagging voice making me wary of the ones that would either use you for what little money you have and toss you aside the second you stop being convenient, the ones that will literally sleep around because they find you "boring" or those that will call the cops on you for so much as criticizing them. I've also been told that i should expect to get heartbroken a few times before i find someone that works for me but does it have to end in disaster every time? I guess what I'm trying to ask is, is there a way to avoid these pitfalls? Should i just dive in and hope for the best? or am I just thinking about this way too much? And..for the record I don't care if the woman's been around a lot, I just worry that said experience will have them look at me differently due to my lack there of. Course the fear is likely unfounded but regardless. It's also possible that I may not be ready for a relationship, but just want one, or a small group of, sex-friends(They don't all have to be women). Not the kind that you just call up for it, but the kind you can call for sex one day and then just hangout as friends the next...if that makes any sense. Maybe i just don't wanna deal with the emotional baggage right now. Anyway sorry for the long winded post this has been on my mind for months and i needed to put it in text.
DK_Casus Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 I was 27 when I lost my virginity - so I know something of what you're going through. I'm 40 now, by the way. To me, it sounds like you've constructed this elaborate world for yourself - in which there must be a guarentee before you invest yourself in another human being on that level. That's not the real world, though. It's painfully clear to me that we all need love and physical contact with other human beings. We don't die without it - but life will suffer. As such, I think you need to stop looking for certainty and start taking risks. That doesn't mean turning your brain off and just jumping in - but it means being honest with yourself about your needs - and being willing to trust a human being, because you - yourself - are worthy of trust.
travelbug1996 Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 There are good people and bad people. Take your time and get to know them before having sex. Or if you do have sex quickly don't let your heart get away from you. People are humans and no one is perfect. Also not every woman is as described in your OP.
l8estnews Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 26 here, but not virgin YET very virgin relationship-wise. With the same sentiments as you have. I am very scared to commit since, like you, I believe that people, even the kind ones, can be selfish and weak when emotions are involved. Meaning, if something or someone they really want comes along, they can ruin the good thing they have just to get that new thing. They say there's a lot out there, but it's really hard to try and risk. I have experienced pain already, so I am no foreign to that feeling. But I can still remember how horrible it feels that makes me so reluctant to be vulnerable like that again. It would be a hypocrite of me to give you an advice since I haven't overcame this issue of mine, but my PLAN A is to give people a chance. I won't make myself settle, or dating just "to see how it will go" but I will find someone whom I really like. If I am going to hurt anyway, I better choose the person whom I really wanted. Just so the pain will be worth it.
TheTraveler Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 but mostly i grew up watching things like Jerry Springer, Maury, You are not the father :dance: :dance: :dance:
Author Malik Posted November 22, 2016 Author Posted November 22, 2016 26 here, but not virgin YET very virgin relationship-wise. With the same sentiments as you have. I am very scared to commit since, like you, I believe that people, even the kind ones, can be selfish and weak when emotions are involved. Meaning, if something or someone they really want comes along, they can ruin the good thing they have just to get that new thing. They say there's a lot out there, but it's really hard to try and risk. I have experienced pain already, so I am no foreign to that feeling. But I can still remember how horrible it feels that makes me so reluctant to be vulnerable like that again. It would be a hypocrite of me to give you an advice since I haven't overcame this issue of mine, but my PLAN A is to give people a chance. I won't make myself settle, or dating just "to see how it will go" but I will find someone whom I really like. If I am going to hurt anyway, I better choose the person whom I really wanted. Just so the pain will be worth it. Yeah that's kinda my thoughts too. if i'm gonna hurt anyway, i might as well make it count.
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