time to end for real?

[123river]

been together for 6 years, have a kid. last year, we broke up and my wife moved in to another guys house with my daughter and treated me like dirt. theres alot of reasons for all this, but lets continue the story. so this year, we move back in together, and i find this guy on her phone. she keeps saying she wont talk to him then she does. i think this is the 5th or 6th time this year ive found this evidence.

 

and its not even like sex usually, its mostly just like talking to a friend. and thats what freaking kills me the most! why him? why is it worth lying to me?

 

my wife doesnt know how to say goodbye to anybody, she also has a hard time saying how she feels about anything, to anybody. i feel like im in a relationship with a kid, and im waiting for her to wake up about her emotions. if we didnt have a kid, id probly leave her and let her grow up.

 

the other thing though, if i leave, she wants to leave for good, no daughter mom time or anything. and im supposed to choose between unhappy marriage but happy kid, (cause man my daughter freaking loves her mom.) or single become happy later and super depressed kid.

 

im stuck, i need help. please.

[l8estnews]

Are you married? I don't think it's her decision to take away your child for good. There's custody for that. But if you are saying that if she's gonna leave, she'll leave the kid to you, then... doesn't that make her unfit to become a mother?

[fromheart]

I personally believe that a happy parent makes a happy kid. She might seem happy now but kids respond to external factors, and that usually becomes more apparent at adolescence.

 

She's still talking to the man she left you for, while she was treating you like dirt. I'd get out of there personally. Most probably there's more going on than you know about and very probably he's her back up plan.

 

You have to take a painful step forward towards your own happiness. But you don't diserve the disrespect she's been giving you. Move on for your own sake. It will make you a happier person and therefore better father on the long term.

[123river]

apologies for bad description, and thank you for responses.

 

l8estnews dont we all make mistakes? dont we all say things that we regret later? I mean im not perfect i dont expect that from her, our life this year has been very hard and stressful, like on the border of homeless stressful. i started growing like 5 gray hairs in my beard this year. im 28. just saying, its hard to be precise with feelings when their spread thin already.

 

also, she cant take our daughter for good. not important why, but legally she cant.

 

we are still married, we were apart for four months, never even got the divorce yet.

 

she says, if me and her split up, she wont visit our child. and, she is a very good mother. my daughter would live less of a life without her mother. this decision is not just about my happiness, this is also about my daughter having her mother.

 

see the thing is, i think im asking the wrong questions. I could make an entire list of all the reasons why i should leave her. and well, the more i think of what to write here , edit it, then erase it, the more i realize thats all our story really is. besides the rare, but very good moments, and not so rare great sex.

 

why would someone stay in this? why do i feel compelled to give her another chance? is it really worth my daughter never seeing her mother again? what are the chances she would grow up and start being honest?

[miltie1916]

If you and your wife are open to it, third party professional counseling would appear to be in order. Your daughter's well being should be the first objective for both you and your wife. Preserving your marriage in a stable nurturing environment is the best way to ensure your daughter is raised in the best way possible. I know you’ve been dealing with some big issues, but I believe it’s worth every effort to turn this around. Wishing you the best!