just asking what you guys think about my talk with my ex after no contact

[Thenewtothisguy]

So we broke up almost 8 months ago it was bad messy a lot of things happened but it ended from a mistake I make and she ended it. We still saw each other a handful of times for the next month and a bit but it didn't fix anything. During that time she said she hated me we then had another fight and when I tried to cool things down she wanted space which led to the real break up.

 

A few time over the next few months I texted her tying to apologize asking her to lunch but all ended with text days later saying no or I'm busy or nothing at all real cold. So I decided to just move on an started no contact for real and it's been 3 almost 4 months.

 

So today I was cleaning up Im getting ready for a trip so I'm packing and cleaning up and I find the picture i kept of her as a kid and I was like screw it

 

I'll just text her saying "hey"

 

I've healed enough and enough time has passed so I did it. I'm not really thinking much into but because I have so much love for these forums and how much they have helped me in earlier stages of my break ups I just would like to share my after math and tell me why you think it could have changed.

 

So I basically expecting her to not say anything and just not reply at all so I put the phone down and she text back basically right away and she asked why I texted her I told her it that I found the picture at she left and I said f**k it I'm just going to Text

 

She told me she was thinking about texting me because she want the picture back and how creepy that was but then we started just talking and catching up like old friends .... she kept the conversation alive as much as I did we talked about how she still loves the necklace I got her and she want to buy her sister one for her birthday but doesn't know where to get it asking me for help and saying she actually wants the picture back which I guess In tails seeing me.

 

So I want to know why she switched up and was so receptive to me after being so cold and unresponsive?

 

Thanks to anyone who replies

[TexasGuy12]

So we broke up almost 8 months ago it was bad messy a lot of things happened but it ended from a mistake I make and she ended it. We still saw each other a handful of times for the next month and a bit but it didn't fix anything. During that time she said she hated me we then had another fight and when I tried to cool things down she wanted space which led to the real break up.

 

A few time over the next few months I texted her tying to apologize asking her to lunch but all ended with text days later saying no or I'm busy or nothing at all real cold. So I decided to just move on an started no contact for real and it's been 3 almost 4 months.

 

So today I was cleaning up Im getting ready for a trip so I'm packing and cleaning up and I find the picture i kept of her as a kid and I was like screw it

 

I'll just text her saying "hey"

 

I've healed enough and enough time has passed so I did it. I'm not really thinking much into but because I have so much love for these forums and how much they have helped me in earlier stages of my break ups I just would like to share my after math and tell me why you think it could have changed.

 

So I basically expecting her to not say anything and just not reply at all so I put the phone down and she text back basically right away and she asked why I texted her I told her it that I found the picture at she left and I said f**k it I'm just going to Text

 

She told me she was thinking about texting me because she want the picture back and how creepy that was but then we started just talking and catching up like old friends .... she kept the conversation alive as much as I did we talked about how she still loves the necklace I got her and she want to buy her sister one for her birthday but doesn't know where to get it asking me for help and saying she actually wants the picture back which I guess In tails seeing me.

 

So I want to know why she switched up and was so receptive to me after being so cold and unresponsive?

 

Thanks to anyone who replies

 

Hey man, first off, sorry you're going through this!

 

Something that I've learned is that us guys respond to things much different than girls do and different things make us push and pull. In your situation, I look at two things, and this is just from my experience...

 

1) Girls don't like to be pressured

2) Girls want what they can't have

 

You were probably trying to make things work in the immediate aftermath of the breakup, which made you less attractive in her eyes and it also pressured her because she was still reeling form your mistake and coming to terms with that in her mind. She needed to deal with that herself.

 

So texting her "hey" relieved that pressure, and it also came after a long period o NC. She likely came to terms with your mistake and misses you, and wondered why you hadn't contacted her. She likely also wondered why you just said hey as opposed to pushing her to get back in the relationship. You not being needy along with the NC time has made you more attractive instantly.

 

I think a key in your post is that you said you healed. Make sure that this is really the case. If you find yourself anticipating her texts back and being anxious during the days that you are texting with her, consider not doing so. I did what you did and texted a "hey" and it ended up setting me back because while I thought I could handle a normal conversation to show her that I wasn't pressuring her and to show her that I wasn't the same person I was in the immediate aftermath, I was sorely mistaken. This was not a normal person to me and I couldn't text her like I would a buddy. If you are healed, and you do want her back, I do think doing what you did is a good strategy, as long as you won't be affected if she doesn't want to get back with you, and as long as it's not negatively affecting your progress. 3-4 months really isn't that long, so just be careful. Let us know how it goes.

[Thenewtothisguy]

Ya I'm pretty much over her. In that way but like it's nostalgic to me. It was defiantly a change of pace your right saying hey was no pressure I didn't even realize it and thinking back yes most of my messages before were hey wanna get lunch or apologizeing. We talked like we were old friends tho it was weird . I am going away for a month on Friday and she knows which there's no way we can really talk and tonight I ended the conversation and said goodnight .

[TexasGuy12]

Ya I'm pretty much over her. In that way but like it's nostalgic to me. It was defiantly a change of pace your right saying hey was no pressure I didn't even realize it and thinking back yes most of my messages before were hey wanna get lunch or apologizeing. We talked like we were old friends tho it was weird . I am going away for a month on Friday and she knows which there's no way we can really talk and tonight I ended the conversation and said goodnight .

 

The other thing is as time goes on without hearing from you, her memories become more about the good of your relationship than the bad and whatever mistake you made towards the end. So your rapport with her when you talk normally is going to be similar to how it was in the beginning of your relationship.

 

I know what you mean about being nostalgic. I got to that point with my first love. It was like, okay, I don't have those feelings anymore that I had for so long, but you were a big part of my life so it would be cool to be friendly and if something did happen, maybe it would be great.

 

So if that's where you're at, more power to you.

[Thenewtothisguy]

I just want to say though more towards the end it seemed to go dead and what we were saying it seemed like the conversation had ended and then I said goodnight it was nice catching up like 20 mins later and she said goodnight .... do u maybe think I let the conversation go on to long and should have ended it earlier .... the only reason I ask is because she was like unbelievably hurt when we broke up like she basically cried all the time it was horrible and I do feel horrible about what I did .... do u think maybe bad memories may have come back and she pulled back

[fromheart]

She's being receptive because you've shown strength in NC, and women are naturally attracted to strength.

 

However, at best this will lead to the friendzone. Fine if that's what you want. But if you still want to get back with her, you must maintain NC and continue to move on.

[dumbass2]

She's curious. What do you want from her?

[VeveCakes]

Tread carefully.

[Thenewtothisguy]

I understand but can people maybe give me an insite into y everything has changed now all of a sudden y is she so responsive

[Apricotjelly90]

Time has passed and she isn't bitter anymore so she can bring herself to talk to you, that doesn't necessarily mean she wants you back

[Thenewtothisguy]

No I totally understand that when the conversation seemed to end I said goodnight and it was nice talking to u not really worried about a second conversation but it did shock me about how well she responded it through me off

[Thenewtothisguy]

Well ya I'm back to no contact even though the conversation went really well. What do u guys think I should do if she contact me. I'm going on a trip in a week and she asked me if I can get her this something . So I see contact in our future . How do u think I should approach it guys

[dumbass2]

You still haven't told us what you want from her?

[Thenewtothisguy]

Well to be honest man I didn't even think she was going to reply let alone keep a conversation going .... I found her pictures decided hey it's been enough time .... and my main intentions where to just be friendly with her that was my only real goal

[dumbass2]

Well, I think you first need to be honest with yourself. I'm sure that you were hoping she would reply and to your surprise she did.

 

You posted this in second chance forum

You titled it "Could I be on my way to maybe fixing things?"

 

I don't think that you're over her and that you want a shot at trying again.

 

Why did she respond? I think it is curiosity. My ex that dumped me contacted me after 3 months NC. That much time hasn't passed in your case. The feelings are still there IMO.

[Thenewtothisguy]

Well It's been a bit longer in my case actually I said 4 months. And even if there was some sort of chance with us I'm still not ready for that so regardless i would never jump the gun and just except something like that to happen with her because I'm not ready

[Thenewtothisguy]

Ok so some new information 2 days past and she text me asking if I have one of her things and then we have a great conversation again like we are old friends. What do u guy think now?

[Sweetfish]

Ok so some new information 2 days past and she text me asking if I have one of her things and then we have a great conversation again like we are old friends. What do u guy think now?

 

This is my advise. As a man. You must not ask her or hint to her you want to be in a relationship. I like the fact you promote your not ready. Keep this up.

[Thenewtothisguy]

Ya no no relationship talk .... I've herd somewhere over the years of reading on relationships that if she asks you what you are doing today that it is kinda of an invitation to be the man and ask her to do something . I was busy so I just told her what I was doing and did not do that. She asked when I was leaving on my trip and when I get back . It kinda seems like she is waiting for me to make a move . What's your advise on what I should do ?